She only interested in her big O'

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Submitted by may_help on
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I am pretty new to this site, though i have been practicing Karezza/tantric sex for over 6months with my wife after reading books on the same Samael Aun Weor and Kundalini Awakening. At the beginning she could not understand why i was suggesting the avoidance of Orgasmic sex for the Non Orgasmic Sex. Any way I have not ejaculated for over 3 months after i felt awful the last time I did. The issue of which i need suggestions, is how can i convince her to resist Orgasming. I have noticed that, she prefers to cum before i enter her but when she does cum she will be very irritated and easily annoyed. she will give reasons like , "i am tired, i dont feel like sex, lets just sleep,.....bla bla..." this always leaves me high and dry, i looked for ways to cool myself including cold showers and energy circulation techniques, but I still feel this continous one sided action is straining our marriage. I have a lot of sexual energy of late but i have no where to dispense it. having another side kick, chick would it worsen the situation? or what can i introduce to save this marriage's Sex.

having a side kick chick

Is not going to resolve the problem with your wife. It will complicate the problem.
Great that you have gained significant control of your ejaculation tendencies. Mantak chia's Cultivating Male Sexuality has techniques for circulating and transforming sexual energy.

You can't control your wife and her orgasmic preferences but with education and leadership in non orgasmic sexual practice in time she may learn to appreciate it. Just enjoy right now.

options

Some people around here (I'm thinking particularly of Emerson) recommend not trying to control your wife's choice of whether to orgasm or not. Let her decide on her own.

As for the problem of her wanting to come first, and then not letting you have your turn, I wonder if another sex position, such as rear entry or scissors would let you both get what you want. You could penetrate her, then get her off manually while you are connected. As a bonus, you'd get to enjoy her orgasm!

Curiousfellow

Thank you very much. I will not endeavour to control her orgasm and will let her to learn on Karezza on her own way and time. I will do much to be make her happy and retain my seed in the meantime.

Not So Language

My experience has been that almost none of my girlfriends have leapt into the idea of karezza. If a woman hasn't been spiritually-inclined and wide-open sexually, the conversation goes Greek every time. You're pushing against years of deep mental patterns that will not readjust themselves in response to speech.

I've had better luck just keeping sex fun, varied, as conventional-seeming as possible at first, and not making a big deal of it. Be slightly kissier and a warmer toucher than a normal partner and, when possible, pick positions where there's more opportunity for bodily touch and more restricted hip motions. Once you introduce the experience as a real, enjoyable experience, then the logical brain can follow.

I've had karezza-only short flings and some-night stands, it doesn't take long for the experience to register as positive. (Digression, but it's really interesting how our brains register people that we've slept with, but never orgasmed with.)

Her having orgasms first seems, to me, like a terrible idea. I spent a lot of relationship time with a woman who is a quick-orgasmer - almost nothing good ever happened after her climax. You become, viscerally, like a guest that overstays his welcome. Better just to move on to a massage, make dinner (and spend the next week on a business trip.)

Can you elaborate?

"I've had karezza-only short flings and some-night stands, it doesn't take long for the experience to register as positive. (Digression, but it's really interesting how our brains register people that we've slept with, but never orgasmed with.)"

 

Digress

I've recently had three former partners return to my social or work circles. I'd expected there to be some mutual awkwardness, or heavy feelings directed towards me. Instead, it was more like old friends with a secret. In my brain, they had levels of that 'warm glow' that was similar to what comes during karezza. One was practically bathed in it when we chatted - like, I'm sorry, miss, please stop sparkling.

It was very 'not a threat', on both sides, despite some selfish behavior on my part.

What a great post

After reading your post, it occurred to me that Karezza really is a spiritual path. Like other spiritual paths, to fully experience [the benefits from] Karezza requires a paradigm shift that can only occur experientially, not through verbal explanation.

I think a good way to convey Karezza's spiritual aspect is refer to it as "conscious sex". In general, I believe that most people live their entire lives unconsciously, operating essentially on instinctual auto-pilot, reacting to life with programmed responses rather than truly considering in-the-moment their potential responses before reacting.

Sex is a particularly challenging area in which to apply consciousness because the programmed responses are multi-faceted: from individual experiences, cultural norms, and especially evolutionary low-level neuro-biological "programming" in the form of the dopamine-based reward pathways in the brain.

That's my long-winded way of saying that one must be patient when trying to "initiate" someone onto the Karezza spiritual path. The way you put it in your post explains that beautifully.