Solo tantra truly works! (old post)

Submitted by resonant111 on
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Marnia and Gary are definitely onto something about the negative aspects of orgasm that mainstream sex education don't really consider. With that being said, what is the best way for single people to apply this knowledge?

It seems that most single people who find truth in these orgasm theories turn to a path of total abstinence. "No PMO" as many call it. I personally tried that path and it simply didn't work for me!!! I felt disconnected from not only from my sexuality, but from the intimate aspects of myself. So i gave up and went back to orgasming, almost daily...and it was just as unfulfilling as i remembered it to be!

And then I discovered solo tantra. The solo equivalent of karezza, if you will. And it's changed everything! The whole idea is to treat the sexual act like a meditation, rather than some uncontrollable animal impulse. I prefer to call it "genital massage" as opposed to masturbation (because masturbation to me is linked to orgasm!). So my whole technique involves a very SLOW, gentle, completely and totally relaxed genital massage, much like partnered karezza. The goal is to stay in the 60-70% arousal zone. If you go past that, you reach the "point of no return" and have no choice but to orgasm.

The goal of this solo technique is to awaken your own sexual bliss through a gentle, loving and meditative self-massage, and to let that blissful feeling fill up every single cell in your body. Once you have massaged yourself into a relaxed state of bliss, focus on your breath and feel every cell in your body radiating with creative energy. As you meditate on this feeling, your sexual parts will no longer be aroused but the bliss in your body will remain. It's like a natural high, and the feeling will last for hours if you do it right!!!

I've gone 16 days without orgasm and have been using this method almost daily. It truly works for me, and I hope it works for you as well. If you're frustrated with your current inability to remain PMO free, then try this out!

Thanks for sharing that

There are many traditions with similar practices, so it's evident that they have merit. No need to re-invent the wheel! Here's a link on YBOP to various versions: Energy Circulation Practices I'll add your experience there, too.

That said, connection with others is very nurturing too. One of the "ailments" of our society is the belief that self-sufficiency is somehow superior to the synergy of healthy interdependence. I was amazed to discover that for many of us tribal pair-bonders this is simply not true.

This is a fantastic idea, its

This is a fantastic idea, its what I'm working through right now. I've been solo for 4 years and have masturbated infrequently in order to gain control over my sex drive which was over the top and was making me depressed. I feel fantastic... really in control... but I dont have many opportunities to explore my drive and feel safe. I've tried just touching myself a bit and seeing how I feel. I like it so far.. but you can't fully masturbate or you'll just feel like all the juicy work you've done is wasted... at least for a little while. Good luck to all!


I do that too, except generally without any touching. I get that feeling of lasting bliss from it as well.

I went back and read your other posts. You mentioned several months ago that one of the toughest times for you back then was at night, in bed, right before falling asleep. That was the hardest time for me at first, too. Then I started to just go with it, and go ahead and fantasize, but keep it calm. Sometimes basically a karezza fantasy, sometimes a full on energy circulation meditation. Now that it's been over a year, it's where my mind goes automatically. I don't have to try anymore, I can just relax and feel like I am indulging myself, yet I stay safely calm. It sounds like you are on a similar progression maybe.

Me too

and I'm loving it! The more I focus on pleasing myself, and nourishing myself, the more open and loving I can be with others :)

karezza during yoga class

[quote=resonant111]The whole idea is to treat the sexual act like a meditation, rather than some uncontrollable animal impulse... a very SLOW, gentle, completely and totally relaxed genital massage, much like partnered karezza... awaken your own sexual bliss through a gentle, loving and meditative self-massage, and to let that blissful feeling fill up every single cell in your body. [/quote]

I had an interesting experience this morning that I would like to share. First some background: I have been a fan of karezza and this site since I came across it almost three years ago. I have had some wonderful karezza experiences, but my wife has no interest in anything sexual, and especially not that karezza mumbo-jumbo. So I have pretty much been practicing my solo equivalent of karezza, which is very much like “resonant111’s” post above.

This morning, I was in my regular weekly yoga-for-stress-reduction class led by Elizabeth. This is a very slow-paced vinyasa flow, with a fair amount of time holding the various poses. After an hour, we were relaxed in the savasana (corpse pose) and Elizabeth came around to each one of the four students and gave us a short “neck release” followed by placing an eye pillow – all as usual. I think I was last. After she left me, I felt pressure like someone was gently pressing the pillow onto my eyes. (My eyes were closed, but I’m pretty sure no one was touching me.) My words are insufficient, but I will try to describe my feeling: I was immediately filled with a gentle wave of incredible pleasure. I would have to agree with what some have described as a “full-body” orgasm. But it wasn’t sexual. It wasn’t centered in my boy-parts, though they did not miss out on the pleasure. It affected every part of my body. And there was nothing in the yoga class that was remotely sexual. Nor was my flow of consciousness entertaining sexual thoughts. No self-touching involved. I stifled my reaction because I didn’t want to have to explain what was going on to the others – in retrospect, perhaps I should have just let it happen to its fullest and lived with the consequences – they seem like a pretty tolerant bunch. I can’t say how long it lasted – time was immaterial. It couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes, but it seemed like much longer than that. After Elizabeth brought us out of the savasana and concluded the practice with the traditional “namaste", I was trembling and almost in tears, but regained my composure. After class, I confessed to Elizabeth that “I had an extraordinary spiritual experience that words can’t describe” and she was very pleased. But I didn’t reveal the nature of my pleasure.

Yet another delight along the path to karezza.

Blessings to all.

Great post

Thanks resonant111, today I`ve wrote my post which is not such detailed and I still have a lot to learn, but I`m glad I found someone has similar approach.

wonderful shares

I am very interested in all of this. Been 8 1/2 years with very little partner experiences, and been wondering as of late about options to continue my interest in mystical experiences/tantra.

I really appreciated your descriptions here and on Tantrix' blog.


Yes, that is my experience

Thank you for your post. I've approached masturbation and partnered sex in the conventional way since I first started waking up to what sex could do for me. I'm not in that paradigm any more as of just a few weeks ago and I am seeing some very real benefits. Recently I did experiment with the "slow and gentle", meditative approach and I was amazed by what it did for me and it was great not to have to reach an orgasm with it. It was my experience as well that keeping myself at the 60 to 70% arousal zone did work really well and I felt I could almost stay there indefinitely. This is a great sort of revelation for me, and I am glad that I have some way to work with my sexual energy when I need to.

Having said that, I have been without a partner for the past few years but I never felt like it was always supposed to be this way. It is not my choosing. There is no question that I am meant to be partnered and I remain open to that. I love this new way of approaching sexuality. It really puts me at ease as a meditator and someone on a spiritual path. I've always wondered how I was supposed to become enlightened (and this is not a goal actually but a way of being) while I struggled with my addiction to dopamine surges (and their unwanted after-effects). I am so glad to be discovering Karezza. One thing I seem to have gotten from self-pleasuring, or massaging, in that slow, gentle, meditative way is some insight into how I might approach Karezza with a partner. If it works with just me alone, that tells me it is going to be a very nice thing to practice in a loving, partnered situation. So, I am optimistic even though I am aware of what I might run into with introducing Karezza these days to someone whose never known anything at all about it.

I'm glad you're feeling optimistic

Many women today have been taught that their wellbeing depends on frequent orgasm. Research suggests that for many, this is not the case. See Women: Does Orgasm Give You A Hangover? | Reuniting

But unless they make the experiment and (perhaps) get through a "withdrawal" period, they won't see that they feel better without the goal of orgasm during sex. Moreover, if they have been using sex toys, they may not feel much during intercourse at first (Woman, Vibrators, and Shaky Sex Research | Reuniting). So, you may need a lot of undemanding patience before your partner is fully on board.

When you're ready to date, check out some of the entries under "Karezza Korner" (lefthand margin), as they may be helpful. Most people suggest that committing to the ideas yourself and allowing a partner to come along at her own speed works best. But I also wrote my book, hoping that women would be able to save themselves some time and have some of their natural questions answered. Thing is, no one seems to read books anymore. And there's simply no 15-second soundbite that can explain this to people.

All that said, I hope you attract an open-minded partner soon! Enjoy your explorations.

Yes, but...

I know people don't seem to read books any more. When I read your book though Marnia, it was non-stop. I just could not put it down. It's just that kind of book! There's also a lot of stuff circulating out there that at least in this genre is not anything I would care to wast my time on. When I read your book I just felt like you were giving me the answers to some long sought after questions, and that you were waking me up in a profound way. I am sure that I'll be reading it over and over again as I move more completely into making the Big Shift. I so appreciate your realism (and you), and I accept totally what you say about the need for some undemanding patience. Thank you for all your good suggestions as well.