spontaneous erections

Submitted by fixme on
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Hello,

I have been rebooting for a long time now. Just recently, I feel like my libido is starting to pick up. I have been able to get erections from thinking about bonding with girls (like hugging or cuddling). This happened a bit before but disappeared when I started my masturbation schedule, which I have stopped now. I am assuming that fantasizing about bonding behaviors like this is not harmful. When more sexual fantasies come into mind, i try to stop it.

The erections only get to about 60% and last only a few seconds. Is it possible to get strong lasting, full erections by thought like this. It seems like those that are still pretty young (less than 23 or so) could do that. Since I am 30, I'm not sure that's possible anymore.

Maybe we're as old as we

Maybe we're as old as we think we are.

What about spontaneous erections is important to you? For me, they were mostly a nuisance. I'm more open to them now, even though they can still be a nuisance. Other than when one wants to have sex, how does an erection help with anything? There's something about all this that I don't seem to get despite reading the ED, erection, and similar posts for years.

Why it is important to us

Why it is important to us slow rebooters?

Because it shows that one makes progress, that's why. To me, there are no other signs except of a shift in mood after a while of being clean.

I noticed similar feelings about my libido once i was up to two months of staying abstinent.
I could also become like 60-80 percent erect by fantasizing about cuddling or kissing a girl. Those erections are fading away quickly and i was only able to get them in the morning after waking up but still, something felt different.

Same to me with the trying of a masturbation schedule: it simply doesn't work. It only seems to deny the efforts of months and suddenly, after just one orgasm those feelings of little libido are gone. Fantasizing about cuddling means nothing to me any longer and the only things uprising are intense cravings.

I don't think i will ever be able to get spontaneous erections again and with that i think my libido will likely not recover. To much damage done for too many years.

With the passage of time, we

With the passage of time, we got older. Maybe libido now is just different than what is remembered.

Erections might not be as important as the brain thinks. They are not who we are, whether we can have sex, whether a women is hot or lovable, etc.

I'm not discounting the problems ED can stir up. Reframing makes things less of a problem.

Like Cassius says, I only

Like Cassius says, I only want to have spontaneous erection as a sign of improvement. I do think it's normal for spontaneous erections and libido to go down as we age. I started watching porn around 23. I remember, even before I started watching porn, spontaneous erections were much less frequent than compared to age 18. At that time, I was actually happy they went away because then I wouldn't have to hide awkward erections in public. However, when I did get erections (spontaneous or with girls), they would last much longer and I still had high libido. I still remember that just making out with a girl at the age of 24 would give me full, lasting erections.
This is the type of thing that I would consider normal and would like to have as a sign of recovery. Even at age 30, we should be near our sexual prime (maybe declining a bit) but not to the point that libido/ED issues happen...

I get it. However, perhaps it

I get it. However, perhaps it doesn't helps to look at these external factors. Those on that path here appear to have made more progress. Erection seems a distraction, a focus on the more external/objective, etc. Sure, it could feel healthier to have an erection. Perhaps an erection is more likely to come with health that includes less thinking about an erection. I'd rather feel a heart connection than an erection when making out. That's a more concrete sign that if we progressed to sex, all would work. On the other hand, the erection isn't reliable. Erections come, go, and march to some beat we've got little control over just like when we were younger and didn't always want it when it came.

No PMO is improvement. Is verification just a distraction?

I have read the page you

I have read the page you linked before. I have hit most of the top 10 ways you know you're recovered. The only thing missing is: "Intercourse with a partner feels fantastic" because I haven't been able to maintain an erection long enough for intercourse. Also, morning wood seems pretty sporadic since I started a masturbation schedule but seems to be returning since i stopped.

Freedom, I agree that it's normal for erections to come and go. But I haven't been able to get and sustain a sufficient erection for sex in 4-5 years. I have only been able to have successful sex maybe 10% of the time and that is when I manually stimulate myself and quickly stick it in the girl (using no condom). Sometimes even then, I have lost my erection while inside the girl. I understand that erections may not be 100% reliable, but at the age of 25-30, I would expect erection to more reliable than they have been for me. If i could have sex even 3 out of 4 times, I would be ecstatic!

So, having a spontaneous erection or erection from making out that lasted for more than 10 seconds would make me feel much better. However, I haven't had that in 5+ years. I think my brain is to the point that it has just given up on sex. I hardly even turned on in the presence of naked, hot girls that want to have sex...

would love your thoughts

I've been experimenting with energy flow practices and what's struck me so far is how cut off I am from my penis. I'm not at a point where I can draw mindful awareness into my penis the same way I can other body parts (say, for instance, my hand). There are times when I have tons of energy flowing through my body and I still can't seem to get it to flow into my genitals. I've also noticed that my penis, in general, feels slightly cold to the touch. I'm 5 months into my reboot and can have successful sex, but I don't get as hard as I would like, probably couldn't keep the erection if I were on my back, and don't get morning wood. Also, when I'm aroused enough and feel like I should have a spontaneous erection, blood does not flow into area as fully as I think it should. In general, I am just really feeling a lack of sensitivity down there, perhaps more so since I've been intentionally trying to become more aware of the organ. I can't even draw awareness into it when I have an erection and it's pulsing with blood.

I think that the years of abusive PMO cut me off from my penis. By only focusing on intense fantasy in order to orgasm (addiction pathways in the limbic system), I think I lost the ability to be present and focus on the sensation itself (frontal cortex). Also, the guilt, shame, fear, etc. probably cut me off emotionally from paying attention to the organ. I'm convinced that the only way to get morning wood, spontaneous erections, and improve my erection strength is to reestablish contact with my penis by laying down new brain patterns that allow me to feel that organ from the inside the same way I can feel the rest of my body. Another possibility is that the rough way I've Med the past few years killed nerve cells and left my penis permanently desensitized (I have some discoloration/light scarring that's probably permanent along with a little desensitization down the shaft). However, I don't think that's the case since I can still get erections and, when I've had sex recently, have ejaculated pretty quickly because I felt so sensitive down there. I think it's a brain problem and, if so, think I should be able to fix it (if the brain's as plastic as it seems to be, excessive PMO should definitely be fixable no matter how bad a job you've done on yourself).

I asked my brother if he could draw awareness into his penis the same way he could with the rest of his body and he said he could and remarked that it was just another appendage. He's 30, is in worse shape than me physically, doesn't eat as healthily, and still gets morning wood.

I would love to hear from everyone on whether you can draw mindful awareness into your penis the same way you can the rest of your body. I really think that some guys might have to actively remove some blocks and rewire their brains to be able to re-sensitize their penises. Also, I think consistent sex (which I'm not having) would probably help re-wire. Last night, I did some solo energy circulation practices I read about in a book on becoming multi-orgasmic and was struck by how desensitized my penis still feels when I'm focusing solely on sensation. When I would slip into a little fantasy, I was in danger of ejaculating almost immediately. But sensation alone was difficult.

Would love to people's experience on this.

it is just a matter of practice

I'm learning to focus on the root of my penis, the part in the body in the perineum, which I had never even thought of before.

On another thread, some women here reported that by putting attention onto their breasts, loving attention and some daily energy practices, their breasts actually got bigger, bottom line.

I think the penis daily practice will serve you. I'm doing this on an informal basis and there is tremendous sensation that I now feel that I never even perceived before.

I think if you meditate and direct your attention there as BEST YOU CAN, and direct your love there, it will be a lot better even in a few days or a few weeks.

The trick is to focus on feeling it, and not seeing it. Even if you barely feel it or don't think you can, this will still work.

Thanks, Emerson. I really

Thanks, Emerson. I really appreciate your words and your book recommendation. As clarification, can you feel a lot more sensation in your shaft now or were you referencing your perineum when you said you feel "tremendous sensation" you never perceived before? I can feel more sensation in my perineum around my PC muscle, but it's MUCH harder for me to have any awareness of my shaft. Feels like dead dick a lot of the time.

I think the mediation/energy flow will help. In spite of myself, I still haven't done it as consistently as prescribed, though my experience last night rekindled my motivation to do it more. God, humans are just walking self-saboteurs. Also, to clarify, I could actually ejaculate to just sensation when I directed my attention into my penis while Ming. However, I was doing the solo practice where I was trying to orgasm without ejaculating by pulling the energy up my spine, so almost as soon as I took my attention into my penis, I would have to take it away to avoid going over the edge. I probably wasn't in the best mindset because I had let myself sink into fantasy throughout the day and had been horny for a few hours. I decided to relieve myself by Ming (would have been my first time since I started my reboot), but after I began I decided to switch and do the solo cultivation practice and did not actually ejaculate during the session (though I did have a powerful wet dream last night). I tried to clear my head of the fantasy horniness to cultivate love and was somewhat successful, but still had to fight fantasy at times. I do think that, especially toward the end, that a whole lot of energy got directed into my penis when I was able to sort of make a loop (i.e. complete the microcosmic orbit + send it directly back into my penis). I think that's why I also might be feeling the lack of sensation/awareness more acutely today- maybe that's the first step to reestablishing contact?

I'm mostly positive about where I am right now, but I'm a little worn down by the process and feel like this last step is the toughest and most uncertain. I mean, what if it doesn't come back and I did fuck myself up permanently? As I said before, I don't think that's the case, but it's still a rather ghastly specter (though acceptance would still be the answer if that were true). I have pretty much all the benefits of the reboot- feel great, lots of confidence/energy, have a libido for real girls- but still don't quite have everything working down there as much as I would like. Now would be the time where it would be especially useful to have a partner. I've been going 5 months solo without even a cuddle buddy and it's getting a little tough here at the end. It's kind of weird- I'm not interested at all in porn and only want the real thing, but I haven't actually re-wired my brain to the real thing so I kind of feel a gap in my libido. Like, I see a hot girl out and I get turned on really deeply (like I feel it throughout my body like a bodily hunger), but the energy won't go into my genitals and my dick won't wake up fully. It's like I need to actually experience a girl on all levels consistently for my brain to kick back in. Of course, given my situation, it's kind of a catch-22. I'm probably just going to have to nut up, accept the possibility of somewhat negative consequences, and push through.