Very interesting experience - the effects of loving exchanges vs. exciting exchanges

Submitted by Daniel S. on
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Hello everyone,

I want to share a very interesting experience I had this morning.

We are waiting for lambskin condoms to arrive (we had had the experience that Karezza with a latex condom does not work in terms of energy exchange, and perhaps one could say that Karezza with such a condom is not Karezza).

While waiting (during which time I have had less motivation to try to practice Karezza), we have sometimes ventured/been carried over the boundary of "gentle, loving" sexual encounters to more "passionate, exciting" encounters (without orgasm). One of these encounters happened recently. I have had the same experience as other Karezza forum members: even without orgasm and conventional, "athletic" sex, if the encounter is too "exciting," I get negative after-effects similar to post-orgasm, but less.

So this morning I was feeling some of these after-effects. The energy between us was not flowing nicely, I felt some separation and light (very much involunatary) negative feelings.

Then after a time, we started hugging gently and beautifully, we were beautifully together, caressing, in a gentle way. This changed the energy between us very palpably: when we were sitting next to each other afterward, working on our individual projects, I could feel the loving energy flowing between us. I was happy sitting there, being next to her, connected to her while I was working.

Then we took a break and hugged again briefly, but this time, the "fire" started to be kindled, just a little bit, it became a little more intense. It was still very low-key, but it was just a brief moment, maybe a minute, during which the gentle, loving energy gave way to a more passionate energy (and manifested, for example, in my approaching and kissing her more energetically). It was very nice and pleasant, of course, as passion usually is, while it is happening.

We resumed our work after this. But then I noticed that the loving energy that had been flowing between us had stopped flowing! (I should probably mention that I'm pretty sensitive and receptive to these things. I also have a habit of being attentive to them). There was almost, but not quite, a feeling of separation between us. A non-connection, at any rate. I started noticing a movement in me that wanted to go a little further away from her, to be more alone when I was working, while before, I was so happy to feel that connection with her, next to me, as I was working.

This experience is remarkable to me because it seems to show that even something as apparently subtle as a minute of mildly passionate embracing, kissing, etc. (as opposed to gentle, loving embracing) can have these after-effects.

So it really seems, as far as I have experienced up to now, to be the same phenomenon throughout: the "fire of passion" (stimulation, excitement) affects the energy between partners in such a way as to produce separation and negative feelings (afterward), as enjoyable as it is while it is actually happening, while gentle, loving, non-stimulating exchanges strengthen the bond of love and connection. The magnitude of the after-effects seems to depend on the magnitude (intensity, and probably length of time) of excitement - the more exciting, and the longer the time, the worse the after-effects.

My experience this morning showed me that it can be very subtle, even happening with something as "harmless" as our slightly more passionate kissing and embracing for such a short time - but very clear nonetheless.

One more thought: the after-effects may have come more readily this time due to the stronger after-effects I had been experiencing earlier this morning. If we had been feeling a super-loving connection before and had had that one minute of slightly elevated passion, it may have only caused a slight ripple in our connection.

I wouldn't draw too many conclusions

My guess is that your reactivity to these subtle "negative" fluctuations will become less over time, as the relationship continues to deepen because of your karezza practice.

It's possible the "negative" feelings are still associated with misery and so they feel worse than they would if you just noted them and didn't analyze them too deeply.

I also think you're seeing the best practice, which is to do some kind of affectionate bonding when those feelings arise. Sometimes even just a long hug (even standing) is enough to ease those feelings. Sometimes not, unfortunately. Sometimes you just have to wait them out, or put up with ups and downs for a while.

It's interesting to observe such "negative" feelings, and what brings them on, but giving them too much attention may make them more intense. You may want to observe, but allow your own patterns to shift, too, as you go forward.

It's great that you're experimenting!

Agree with Marnia

I agree that exciting lusty exchanges provide less love feeling than the intimate bonding exchanges. Non-stimulating bonding exchanges enhance your connection of mind and soul, focusing less on providing bodily pleasure. So, your observation right from my view.

But, as Marnia said when your relationship will become more deep with time you will have control and feel less or no noticeable negative feeling just from passionate kissing. It will be better to focus on good loving intimate feeling you have rather than paying too much attention to the negative effects.

a huge help for me is this

After a "hangover", laying together naked...and not trying to get aroused, hard or anything else. Just being there.

At some point, my sexuality and sexual feelings wake up in a better way if I don't push for it or try for anything.

Just being there and hanging with her at some point gets the engines fired up.

And if I stay in this relaxed "nothing expected" mode, it is going to be much better when we have sex...I'm much more present with loving feelings instead of reflexive "trying to escalate me/her" feelings...

And may I add: I love the pleasure from Karezza, and it's those pleasure feelings along with the in-love and connection feelings that I love about this life. The more the better. I have no desire not to feel the most intense and amazing pleasure possible...if that makes sense.