Want to Heal Sexuality - Am I normal? Been interested in strong women.

Submitted by WorkinOnIt on
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Hi everyone. Its very good to be a part of this forum. I am hesitant to share some of what i have been into in my life but I think its important if I ever want to have a healthy relationship.

I think the first time I started to feel something sexual towards women was in 1st to 2nd grade perhaps and this was too a very tall girl who was my age. For some reason I was sexually attracted to her because she was larger and perhaps stronger then I was. Other girls I were into afterwards often looked very strong, had muscular arms or were perhaps large. I've been into strong looking girls ever since and started to look at photos of women who had strong muscular arms in junior high school. I started masturbating perhaps when i was 15 to the same thing. Luckily I didn't get into porn so much because usually a photo of a strong woman in clothing showing her arms was enough to get me going. Theres something about a strong looking woman that appeals to me and often larger means better. Of course beauty and breast size seem to affect me too as well as a womans shape. She has to still look like a woman i think.

Luckily I don't masturbate more often then once every 2 weeks these days. I just feel happier when I don't masturbate. But if I ever want to have a healthy relationship I want to understand this attraction. It seems to me attraction is more then just a body thing. I've avoided relationships for the most part. I don't want to end up in a relationship with a girl I like only to find I'm attracted to girls that are stronger then she is. What is going on with me and this obsession? I wonder why I have it and if theres anything I can learn spiritually from it. I haven't had sex with women that resemble what I have masturbated too so I don't know what that is like. The women I have had sex with were far smaller then me and I think I only did it because I wanted to feel better about myself. Anything I can learn about this would be very helpful. Thank You.

It's much easier for men to wire up to

sexual tastes. Not sure why. I don't see anything wrong with finding strong women attractive.

The only way I know of to (possibly) change a sexual taste is to stop climaxing to it for several months and spend quality time socializing with other types.  It's up to you to decide if you want to make such an experiment. Here's an article that may, or may not, be relevant: Are Sexual Tastes Immutable?

Thank You for the reply. I

Thank You for the reply. I guess I wonder if my sexual tastes are healthy or getting in the way. If i were to choose the perfect woman I don't know if she would exist or would be very rare. Maybe 6-5 in height, strong, feminine, beautiful, and then relatable in the others areas of the heart and mind as well. Maybe its healthier to compromise a bit more yet I don't want to end up with somebody and then find I like someone else even more. Maybe its good to know that sexual tastes may change and I may end up being most attracted to the person I'm with. I don't know any thoughts on this? Thanks very much I read the article.

I would suggest some counselling

Personally I periodically see a counsellor for a tune-up on a regular basis (I do it for my car, why not for my self?)

I'm no therapist but you give a couple of interesting clues to the puzzle:

- this started early in your life, when you were 6 or 7 years old
- you've had sex with small women in order to feel better about yourself

I imagine that you do not think of yourself as strong and masculine. And would it be safe to assume that you could have had sex with larger women, but you chose not to out of fear?

Would it be accurate to say that your father was not present in your early life, or abusive or weak/distant? And your mother was strong and played a very protective/nurturing role? It's uncanny how much effect our parents can have on us in this way. The article Marnia recommends is excellent. I suspect your attraction to large women is less about some "strange sexual taste" that appears to be out of the blue, and more about your perception of yourself and what you need to feel a sense of belonging and fulfillment.

Those are just questions I can think of off the top of my head, but I'd really encourage you to seek a counsellor and work through some of this if it bothers you.

thank you. Yes my father was

thank you. Yes my father was distant and my mother played exactly the role you were talking about. It might definitly relate to that. Definitly don't consider myself masculine. I tend to get a long with females better as if I am one of them haha. A counselor might be a good idea if I could find the right one.

I'm also hearing

that you fear "the grass will always be greener elsewhere." That's a genuine challenge for all humans, as there seems to be tension between our pair-bonding program and our "add-a-mate" program.

This article talks about how to stay bonded with a partner you want to have a long-term relationship with. It may give you some comfort: The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Let us know how it goes with the counselor. Sometimes you can make progress pretty quickly when someone helps you re-frame the issue and you can see "where the puzzle piece fits in your life."

if you don't have a lot of orgasms...

I think your interest in strong women won't exactly fade completely but will largely fade into insignificance. I've been doing a lot of Karezza over the past year and my fantasies and interests, for instance in spanking, have pretty much gone. I'm not sure this is universal but I'll bet it is very common. I don't look at women the same way I used to either. I see the whole person and they are much more multi dimensional than before. They flirt with me all the time now too and I can flirt easily with them. I'm not seeing them in a strongly sexual way although sometimes I find other women super attractive. Fantasies aren't present like they used to be.

Read his post again...

"It seems to me attraction is more then just a body thing. I've avoided relationships for the most part. I don't want to end up in a relationship with a girl I like only to find I'm attracted to girls that are stronger then she is. What is going on with me and this obsession? I wonder why I have it and if theres anything I can learn spiritually from it. I haven't had sex with women that resemble what I have masturbated too so I don't know what that is like. The women I have had sex with were far smaller then me and I think I only did it because I wanted to feel better about myself..."

Of course there is nothing wrong with being attracted to strong women. It's not like he's saying he's attracted to sheep. This is not a question of morality. It's a question of personal health and fulfillment. For instance, if he is so attracted to strong women, why is he only having sex with small women that make him feel better about himself? Why would anyone want to continue to be imprisoned by these kinds of thoughts and behaviors?

Seeing a counsellor to become more self-aware is always prudent and wise. I recommend everyone see a counsellor regularly to help plumb the depths of our internal landscapes. It's no different than doing regular maintenance on a vehicle or eating healthy even though you feel fine. Too much stigma attached to counsellors which is grievously unfortunate.