What exactly causes lust in men?

Submitted by Yuuichi on
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The common or scientific answer may be that it is just the hypothalamus or pituitary gland producing hormones which tell the testes to produce testosterone. However, I feel perhaps that there is more to it than that. This community has a lot of interesting ideas about psychology and sex, so I wondered if there is a more accurate explanation.
For example, there are many people are are totally ok with going without orgasm for days or weeks, while for others, lust is a lot more noticeable.

Also, I found that lust tends to arise particularly after periods of stress, and it compounds with previous instances of lust. For example, if one has thoughts of lust, then during the next day one is bound to have even stronger thoughts of lust, etc. And this lasts for a long time, which is odd because testosterone supposedly has a short half-life.

Thanks for your time

Sounds like you're describing 'the chaser'

You might find this page interesting: Do You Need A Chaser After Sex?

I don't know what you mean by lust. Personally I believe that there is a difference between authentic libido and intense cravings for orgasm that are the product of too frequent orgasm (often experienced by heavy porn users).

Libido is a natural biological desire, the "urge to merge."

But it's not unusual for one orgasm to set off strong urges for another. That is "natural," but it's also a progression that can lead to dissatisfaction over the long haul. That's why it's important for men to figure out the ejaculation schedule that's ideal for them. Have you seen this page: Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?

I guess, what I'm trying to say is that how we manage our sexual desire has implications for overall satisfaction. And it's not always the case that levels of "lust" are just due to individual differences. Those levels may be more related to how different individuals manage sexual desire over time.

For example, many guys who assumed their frequent porn use meant they had massive libidos discover some interesting things when they quit. They often find their libido becomes more manageable. And that they're "ready for action" when a lovemaking opportunity arises, but not burning up with horniness the rest of the time.

Of course, teen-age years are extra horny years because a major focus of them is to learn all about mating.

Thanks for your reply

I don’t really have a desire to look at pornography, but I do have a strong desire to meet women, talk with women, fantasize about seducing women, etc. If I’m working on something, I will sometimes zone out, and straight away I will often have a fantasy of meeting a beautiful woman, and spend the next few minutes thinking of elaborate scenarios of seducing her and then making love to her, though I will often tell myself to gt back to reality before I spend too much time dwelling on it!

However, I know that doing so is very difficult. Fantasies are not reality. In reality, I have a very difficult time connecting with a woman emotionally, and we will never see each other again after the 1st date, so I’d rather not bother with dating in general and just spend my time with other things which interest me, but mother nature would prefer otherwise!

That said, after reading your response, I will try to quit pornography completely if it really is the cause of all this.

A desire to connect with a mate

is normal and healthy. You can't supress it, but you can channel and work with it. The effect of today's, ever novel and very distracting, porn is often to leave user's more dissatisfied, and less motivated to pursue (and enjoy lovemaking with) real partners.

I know the dating environment today is...very challenging. But I would urge you to do what you can to find real people, IRL, who have common interests with you, whether it's hiking, biking, dancing or whatever. The socializing is healthy, and also a potential way of cultivating real relationships with potential mates.

In my country, the average

In my country, the average age is about 45 (which I think is becoming normal in the developed world). I have been to dozens of these group activities and there has very rarely been a single woman my age there. Usually it’s full of people aged 40-55, and although I can make friends with the older people (especially the older men, I find it hard to get along with the older women as we have nothing in common).

Actually, the more I think about it, the issue is more to do with I just can’t get along with women :( I get along with men very well and even had a few gay guys compliment me and try to hold my hand (very awkward...), but with women there is rarely any connection. We’re just friendly for the first 10 minutes, and then afterwards we’re just sitting awkwardly in silence. I know no-one is going to believe this, but the only time I’ve ever went to the home of a woman is when I went on a first date with an 18 year old Russian model (I was 22 at the time). We just went to a coffee shop, spoke for a while, had dinner together, and afterwards she asked me to go back to her place because it was too late to take the bus back to my town. I went back to her place, and we just sat watching youtube and television for the next couple of hours. I tried to touch her hand, touch her leg, get closer to her, but nothing worked. Our conversation was very dry and forced. I think maybe she could tell I was nervous. I would then just sleep on her sofa and we never spoke again.

Try befriending the older women

They're the best matchmakers. Make a list of questions to ask them...about their interests, about what young women would like to talk about, what they suggest for meeting women your age, how they met their partners.

Good idea. But how would you

Good idea. But how would you suggest befriending older women? To me this is even harder. Most older women just treat me like a nephew of theirs at best, definately not like i’m a hot guy who they would be happy to introduce to their friends daughters.