What is porn fantasy?

Submitted by swaffles on
Printer-friendly version

I used to watch a lot of porn, sometimes all day, several times a day, etc. I would get off to it at least twice, sometimes even way more.

I started dating my current girlfriend about 8 months ago, and within a few months, the relationship took a sexual turn. However, my first time was miserable. I couldn't keep it up at all, even though a long standing fantasy of mine has been for a woman, any woman really, to jack me off. Over the next few weeks, I discovered I had porn induced ED. I stopped viewing porn, by and large, although with some relapses here and there. Just a couple of months ago, I finally got to the point where my girlfriend could actually get me off with her hand. We also did boob sex, which worked amazingly well at first. When I stopped the porn, I also stopped masturbating, which definitely made things easier. However, I began to find not masturbating to be difficult. Last time we were together, she was able to get me off, but it was harder than it had been, and I think it's because the day previously was a binge day for me...I did it 4 times, plus the morning after (I do get morning wood).

I still masturbate, but my strategy will be to not do it at all the day I know I will be with my girl. Overall things have gotten way better, but if the next time we are together is difficult, I will go back to stopping the masturbation.

But I was wondering, what exactly is porn fantasy? I can get pretty hard and get to where I am enjoying masturbating without thinking about anything sexual, but to push myself over the edge, I have to think sexually. However, THIS DOES NOT mean that I think about porn. In fact, I almost never do think about porn. I typically will think about a girl I am attracted to. I don't always think about my girl, but I do sometimes. I have to wonder, how is this a bad thing? Isn't the point of sexual arousal to be aroused by a woman that you find attractive? When I think about a woman, I typically just envision her in my mind, sometimes not even naked, but sometimes I envision sex or I think about what if she were using her hand on me.

Is this porn fantasy? YBOP website does say that you should be able to get off without porn fantasy, but ANY fantasy in general? Because I have to say, even when I was a little boy and I first discovered orgasm, I still thought about cute girls a lot. Isn't that a normal thing?

porn fantasy is

Remembering the porn you watched. Fantasizing about real girls is the way to go as long as you don't insert them into a porn fetish.

Generally speaking masturbation will slow down your progress.

I agree with Gary

in that masturbation will slow down or completely prevent progress. Quitting M is difficult especially when you're doing it as often as you are. I strongly suggest reading some more of the articles and stories on this site about the effect of M and what quitting M has done for people. It's powerful stuff. You don't even realize how your brain has been rewired because of what you are doing to yourself. Simply not masturbating on days you're going to be with your girl is just not going to work, but feel free to test it out. You want the best of both worlds; unfortunately it doesn't work that way.

Consider going 1 week without M, then 2 weeks, then 30 days. Consider it an experiment to find more fulfillment and a life of freedom. Read the stories of others who have done the same; they are remarkable.

As far as porn fantasy, the question isn't what is "normal" but what is "healthy." Sure, masturbating to images, real or imagined, is "normal" just like pigging out on junk food is "normal". The question is what does that do to your brain. For myself as someone who has quit using porn & masturbation, the question is no longer what is considered porn. That's irrelevant. The question is, am I looking at/imagining/doing something that is activating old neural pathways of habituation. I want my sexual expression to be about love, bonding, tenderness and giving vs getting. I just couldn't go back to fantasizing about even my wife while masturbating, because it just puts me on the wrong path.

That may not make sense now, but if you were to follow the principles on this site and experience freedom from the need to orgasm, you would know exactly what I'm talking about.