Where did it go?

Submitted by Glo on
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So, about nine or ten months ago my husband and I got into Karezza. It has been quite a different nine months for us, different than anything we have ever experienced. He was the initiator of this new sex life and did really well with it. He was able to forgo orgasms almost immediately. It has been amazing to have intercourse for over and hour and never orgasm. We both agree that it has been a good thing.

There is one issue though that we cant seem to come to terms with. The issue is that I am no longer able to have an orgasm. It is like there is nothing there. We have tried and tried but nothing. I have even tried masturbating....nothing. He is still able to orgasm and ejaculate and does so about once a month or, maybe every six weeks, sometimes during intercourse and sometimes manually, (I / we don't try to make it happen, but sometimes it just does and I have to admit, I still enjoy seeing him ejaculate!) We do lots and lots of manual stimulation to each other, it is more enjoyable than ever, before Karezza days. He has asked me time and time again about my lack of orgasms and the lack of desire but I don't have an answer. I just dont have it (the ability to orgasm) anymore. Before we got into Karezza I was as orgasmic as any woman and never had a problem climaxing, but now it is gone.
My question is, what has happened, is it a result of practicing Karezza for the last nine months. We both have experienced the benefits of Karezza and agree there is no doubt about its benefits, but I know he would really like to see me orgasm again and to be truthful I wouldn't mind it myself. Are there any other couples here who are experiencing this?

Hmm...

Is it possible that your sexuality is shifting from external to more internal and the transition just isn't complete yet? I remember reading a book by Barry Long (http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/barry_long_making_love) years ago, and he explained that modern sexology has taught women a very unnatural focus on the clitoris, etc.

It's also possible that this is a normal transition to moving the energy up into the heart instead of out the genitals.

It may be that some people can't (easily) have it both ways. I'm reminded of this story: http://www.reuniting.info/sex_perfection_marital_happiness/ch_5_six_rule... It may take time to reverse your steps, but make sure you really want to....

Glo

Another way you could consider looking at the issue, is this. If you are enjoying engaging without orgasm, (that it feels pleasurable and you feel connected with your partner), why not drop the not orgasming part and simply enjoy what IS happening. I suggest considering letting the inability to orgasm go and see if it comes back to you in your bodies own time. I find the real joy of sex is the intimacy we share while being physically connected. Orgasm is WAY overrated.

Ageed

Thank you both, I agree orgasm IS way overrated and I am not obsessed about having them and I have let them go, and it does not get in our way; it just seems interesting to us that I have gone from being orgasmic to non-orgasmic simply by engaging in Karezza. I mean right now I dont think I could orgasm if my life depended on it, and I used to experience "over the top" orgasms (screamers) regularly, sometimes multiple orgasms almost to the point of passing out, and now nothing, nothing at all! It is what it is, and I know there is nothing I can do about it except to let it go, I just wonder what happened.

Could also be

a bit of a "flatline." When guys give up extreme porn use (to heal their ED), their libido sometimes plummets for weeks...until it is "reborn" in a more balanced form.

my wife had a similar experience

...she stopped having orgasms much when we were doing Karezza. Now I still do Karezza with her but she feels free to have orgasms and frequently does. This is some 15 months later. In her case she said she felt self conscious because I wasn't having orgasms. Then a switch flipped as I made some small but important changes in my behavior and she feels free to have orgasms and is having more now than for a long, long time.

I think it will all restart at some point if you still want it to. This Karezza thing is an evolving thing, as we evolve and move wherever we are going, by standing still. Strange and powerful magic.

 

I suppose

I will just be patient. I know too that things do evolve in Karezza. We have both noticed many changes for the better and we both agree that the trade off is worth it. We are still both committed to Karezza and don't want to get back to conventional intercourse. So like so many things in life, there is no direct answer as to why I can't orgasm anymore. Maybe we can chalk it up to "Life in the slow lane" no more O's just a smooth, peaceful ride through the country.

Needs have changed

I have give some thought to this issue of orgasms/no orgasms and have come to the conclusion that there is no longer the need for me to orgasm. My sexual needs have changed since we began Karezza and I guess my need to orgasm has just up and disappeared. I suppose it is because I am soooooo satisfied sexually that my body just doesn't need to orgasm. My level of satisfaction is so over the top and I almost feel like to orgasm or to 'need to orgasm' would indicate some sort of neediness and it is just not there. Karezza is truly an amazing thing. I guess if we abstained for a month or so my need to orgasm may return but there is no chance of that, we can barely go more than a day or so without Karezza.
So there you have it. I just needed to address it and think through it. Thanks for being here, all of you.

I learn so much

from people on this forum. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Makes sense. Wholeness is fulfillment, and that's what everyone wants from sex. There are just different paths.

We talked

again and we both agree, he compares it to the time after an orgasm when you can't, or dont want to have another one because you are fulfilled , whole as you said. When I was experiencing orgasms it took about two or three days before I would have another. My body needed time to get needy again. I think they even have a name for it, the refractory period, nowadays I reman in in a refractory period!

This state of satisfaction from Karezza must be more powerful and more effective than we realize. The lack of the need to orgasm is living proof.