Where to set my mind

Submitted by lamat on
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Hello, I would appreciate if some of you, members of this comunity, could give my your opinion about the following issue:

i 've read that in Karezza you (as a man) should keep your attention set in your pennis. But in some sacred texts and other references it's said that one of the differences between regular sex and spiritual sex is that in the former you tend to be centred exclusively in your genitals, while in the latter you expand your attention all over your body. I am not looking for a "definitive" answer, but I am very interested in knowing what you think, sense or what you 've experienced about this matter. Thank you!

I think

that generosity of spirit (a mutual sharing of energy), rather than selfishness is essential to this approach. However, many here find that by focusing on the subtle pleasurable feelings in one's own body one becomes a more radiant battery for exchanging energy.

Maybe the best approach is "selfless self-focus" - as long as the goal is to become more "radiant" rather than to get to climax.


As a man I start with a relaxed focus at my root, (base of the penis) with a feeling of "sending". From there I let it radiate out naturally. I let the feeling of where I'm drawn be my guide. No rules beyond the intention to avoid orgasm.

Soft Focus

I am using our current cuddle therapy as practice for when we start making love again. I have noticed a few things that chnage depending on where I put my focus.

If I focus on any part of my physical body then all of my energy tends to go there. For example, if I put my attention on some part of my body that is touching hers then that part tends to become very warm. If I focus on some part of my wife's body then she either tenses or relaxes that part of her body. This is especially true if my right hand is touching there. I don't know why that makes a difference, but it does. Perthaps my right hand is very good at transmitting energy or something.

The best sensations tend to happen when I am not focusing on any physical bits (either mine or hers). I go into a sort of soft focus in which I am aware of myself, and her, and then I consciously program my own energy. For example, I tell myself to relax and I feel her relax as well. I tell myself to feel deeply loved and she sighs with satisfaction.

I think that when I do this I am creating a "field" (for lack of a better word) around myself that also encompasses her. Then I tell that field what energy I want it to have. Since she is inside of the field, she feels it to. It is not that I am forcing her to adopt that energy. I am just transmitting that frequency and then she chooses to tune into it of her own free will.

I am sure that some people will object to the words I have chossen (field and energy) because they have scientific meanings that may not be appropriate. I am not trying to be exact here. I am just trying to communicate an image of what I experience. I send out a signal of some kind that is intended for myself but is also available to her, and then she tunes into it ... if she wants to.

Thus, for most of a cuddle session I am focused 90% on my own state of energy and openess, and 10% on sharing that state with her.

I would imagine that for women, the optimal is 90% focus on their own state, and 10% focus on reading what their partner is sending to them.

I also like to think that I can send love with 100% of myself, not just the penis, so I like to stay at a body-wide level of awareness. I am transmitting love on all stations, at all levels. The fact that cuddling works as well as it does proves (to me) that PIV is not an essential requitement for karezza. I am sure that PIV makes it all work much easier, but it is not 100% required. Our bodies can exchange energy in many ways. If the whole thing becomes more powerful with PIV then my wife and I are in for an amazing ride.


it's what I would describe as my focus during Karezza.

I focus on my root mostly and on my sensations but somehow I also have my attention on my partner. Somehow this is far, far better and more "selfless" than focusing on my partner which is what I used to do with conventional sex.

Agree 100%

I used to be the typical pleaser type in bed. I did whatever made my wife squeal and moan. It was like I was putting on a performance or something. At the time I felt that I was a very selfless lover.

However, it was actually very selfish for me to do that. I was manipulating her to try and get certain responses so that I could feel good about myself. There was pressure on her to provide the feedback that I was looking for and I could become very dejected if she was not getting aroused like I wanted her to.

So now my personal challenge is to take this 90/10 mentality that works so well for us in cuddling and apply it love making. I know that there will be a tendency to want to concentrate on her and on giving her pleasure. Whenever that happens I will just have to catch myself doing it, and simply come back to foicusing 90% on my own state and my own energy. Practice will make perfect.