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Hello I'm currently 1 year out of an 18 year marriage that had a really long dry spell toward the end. I am very grateful to have found this site and all of this new (to me) amazing information. I'm working my way through Cupids Poison Arrow (the scientific part). An awesome groundbreaking book.- sure to be a best seller! I'm also reading Alice B Stockham and J William Lloyd. It's so inspirational to see the potential of relationships!! Karezza technology with the exchanges listed in CPA presents an understandable way to get there. Thank you thank you!!! Also I can 100 % relate to the experience of being drained/depleted after standard sex and I definitely don't want to go that route again!

I am looking forward to the possibility of establishing a sustainable bonding relationship using the Karezza method. I'm venturing online a little bit to start the ball rolling to date. I'm just wondering if there are any dating sites/ help for singles that anyone knows of that state Karezza as a preference? I'm anticipating bringing this up to prospective gentlemen friends and I'm uncertain how it's going to be received. I want to learn to practice communicating about Karezza.... sound bites? Any ideas ?

Hi Linda

Welcome. Thanks for your kind words.

You might want to sniff around in the  "Karezza Korner" collection. (That link comes from the left-hand column.) It's basically an FAQ page. One addresses Explaining this to a date or partner, and it might have something relevant for finding a partner. But there are, unfortunately, no magic bullets that I know of.

I love your enthusiasm, but it's most unlikely Cupid will be a best seller anytime soon. Biggrin

At the moment humanity is still barreling in the opposite direction. I finally got my husband to create a separate website on porn recovery because today's internet porn is shredding relationships at an amazing rate. Until that "hemorraging" stops, and more people get their brains back in balance, it's quite difficult for them to conceptualize, let alone experience, the gifts of subtler sex.

 

Thank you!!

Thanks for all you do Marnia! I checked out Karezza Korner and there is a wealth of information. I am going to keep the faith and move forward as this makes perfect sense to me and somehow I'm going to start a conversation about it in my neck of the woods. Hopefully I'll cross paths with others that this resonates with as well.

People who are into a healthy sexuality

Hi Linda and Marnia,

I've struggled with this problem a great deal. It becomes additionally acute because I can't do the old way without becoming very unstable emotionally very rapidly and long before I'm anywhere near physical intimacy. At one point I discovered signs of subtle yet powerful sexual abuse in my childhood. People who are into healing from childhood sexual abuse have a much stronger interest in healthy approaches to sexual intimacy than any other group I've found yet. I also think that its important to create strong mutually supportive connections with people of the same sex at this level to reduce the competitive dynamic that is so strong (and so stress inducing) in our culture. I hope this gives you some additional insight into where positive change is happening.

Sincerely,

Arnold

I started talking about it

Thank you Arnold for the feedback.

I had a very enrolling conversation about Karezza with a same sex friend. She understands chakras and the subtle human energy system so It was easy to explain to her that orgasms in releasing energy are depleting and what we want to do sexually is retain our energy and recirculate that 2nd chakra energy to use for healing. I'll keep practicing talking about it with my same sex friends until I go on a date. I can see where it would be a balance to refrain from sexual activity (but still offer affection) until you've talked about Karezza. I've heard it said that you have to put something in the emotional bank account before bringing it up to have it well received..

Thanks,
Linda

Same sex support

Hi Linda,

You are most welcome for the suggestion. I think the big advantage of strong mutually supportive same sex friendships is that it softens the blow of a rejection on the part of a potential opposite sex partner. It's easier to be stronger while getting to know a partner of the opposite sex.

One thing I am trying to create around me is a group of guys that are into comparing notes about healing approaches to intimacy and supporting each other to move in that direction in any way possible. A couple of those ways that are of interest to me are working with Peter Levine's approach to healing trauma (His book "Healing Trauma (see:http://www.soundstrue.com/store/healing-trauma-4188.html) has exercises that require a partner). Certainly, in my life, there is a strong connection between childhood family sexual dynamics and trauma, but its not limited to that, there are many ways that we can be traumatized and this is a social method that can help us recover). I also like to work with Quantum Touch in groups. It's a very safe approach to healing touch that could (in theory) be easily shared with same sex partners.

There are also many ways in which a social group of guys who share my interest could help each other with the Rebalancing phase in less physical ways. I'm sure you would find it easier amongst women, but then again, I imagine women have their own challenges with toning down the sexual competition stuff and being more practically supportive of each other. Best wishes on continuing to deepen your friendships with women and your search for a male partner.

I hope this helps.

Cheers,

"Arnold"

Great idea!

Thanks Arnold,

I applaud your bonding with a group of guys! That's very healthy.

I put that book in my queue! It looks awesome. There is certainly a need for healing trauma in my community ! I could suggest a book study and see where it goes.

Most women I know are pretty tight lipped about their sexuality except to say that they either enjoy sex or they don't. I haven't tended to "go there" in conversations, so just talking about it at all is very new to me. This is the first body of information that has made sense to me and I'm optimistic now about the possibilities. So I'm just going to ride that wave and see where it takes me :)

Thanks again,
Linda

The Silence

Hi Linda,

Yes, I get very similar responses from most people when it comes to exploring healthy approaches to intimacy and particularly sexuality. The stats on survivors of childhood sexual abuse are disturbing (1 in 3 women ; 1 in 6 men). Support for recovery is weaker than I'd like it. The silence is very much a part of this issue. That means there are alot of people walking around with some pretty severe wounding and afraid to talk about it. Women have done more to heal themselves in this area than men and there is still much to do before we have healthy communities at this level. Every little bit helps and Marnia's work is certainly a step in the right direction.

Happy reading! Smile

Sincerely,

"Arnold"

Advice?

Hello Marnia and Arnold, Started using Law of Attraction principles.... I've already found a gentleman who I have a lot in common with who is willing to give Karezza a try. We do live a couple of hours away from each
other though. Let me know your thoughts on this possibility.

Thanks, Linda

Experimenting

Hi Linda,

I've only been able to experiment with a partner very briefly. I think she wasn't quite prepared for the depth of what we were getting into. From my end, I got a great deal out of the experience. It gave me a glimpse of the power of the Exchanges and the great depth of healing to which they lead quite quickly. If I were in your shoes, I'd say, sure, why not? What is there to lose?

I'm not completely sure what you are referring to when you mention the "Law of Attraction" Principles. What are they?

Sincerely,

"Arnold"

Yes

Hi Marnia, Yes I gave him Cupid's Poison Arrow this past Sunday! I hope he's reading it. We've been talking on the phone daily. I think not being able to meet in person because of the distance ( he's 2 hours away) was a benefit as we talked about everything. We met for coffee this past Sunday, which turned into a movie and lunch :) We held hands, kissed but kept our clothes on! He's very physically affectionate. He's coming over again this weekend ! Thank you for this great work! It's life changing.

Question - He did admit to downloading porn but says he's not addicted. However he works from home so he might have more of a problem than he's letting on. Should I insist that he give up the porn before we're intimate? My guidance is telling me it's ok to be more intimate with him this weekend. Let me know your thoughts please.

Don't pressure him

I gave up porn entirely on my own initiative. If my wife had pressured me to give it up, I would have felt resentful and would have resisted. It's been about eight years, so I don't remember clearly, but I think I quit mostly because I felt porn and masturbation were a huge waste of my time and were occupying too much of my attention.

You could ask him, in an interested/concerned/caring way, not a controlling way, how many hours a day he spends watching porn. Then you could ask, "After spending so much time, do you feel like it was time well spent?" Then just leave it at that. Let it be his decision if he wants to quit.

Regarding more intimacy, check out http://www.reuniting.info/node/7970 . Maybe your guy would be interested in those stories as well.

Awesome

Hi Arnold, Wow I'm so happy right now. I've had my first date with my new man and he totally gets Karezza. We've discussed it extensively and he's VERY open minded. He's perfectly ok with letting me lead the way! Yay!
Law of Attraction principles at work! Law of attraction i.e. the movie "the Secret" ... for the last 2 weeks I've been using L of A principles to attract a specific quality of man (i.e. soul mate open to Karezza) into my life. I feel good when I'm alone and know that I am attracting continuously (think radio tower) based on the frequencies generated by my positive feeling state. The most important thing is to feel good. Really Good even in not having. Imagine what you want and feel how good you'll feel when you get it. check online resources for Abraham Hicks, Law of Attraction etc on Google.

Best wishes for your future love life!
Love, Linda

Thanks for asking

Hello Emerson, Yes I found him on an online dating site. He lives 2 hours away from me so we couldn't meet in person as readily and we talked daily on the phone. I think that helped. I took his emotional temperature to make sure he was open. He is very open minded (Aquarius) person who really respects women and is happy to let me take the lead. We have a lot in common.

I told him that Karezza is heart/relationship centered, and the intercourse lasts longer and it opens you up to new sensations as you become more sensitive. I mentioned the possibility of full body orgasms.:) And I told him that for me the standard sexual practice of getting together, pounding it out and having intense orgasms doesn't work. I feel drained, cranky and tired afterwards. I got a bit of resistance about no climaxing on purpose, but I think he's gotten used to the idea. Every time we talk I add a little more information so it seems like he's solidly on board.

Law of Attraction

HI Linda,

I thought it might be related to Hicks' material but I wasn't sure. Thanks for filling me in.

I've experimented with them a fair amount and haven't had the results I was hoping for. My sense is that the vision I had was too limited. I seem to need a tribe that values healthy approaches to both sex and death in order to fully heal. It's much more than finding a partner who is into exploring particular approaches to intimacy. It's taken me a while to see what I actually need and believe that I have the ability to create it. First Nations culture has its advantages for me in this regard. It has its dangers too. I'll keep plugging away at refining my imagination. I'm getting little partial successes and there is still work to do.

Thanks for filling me in.

Congratulations on finding a partner to experiment with! I hope that you go slow and stay in touch with your own needs. I've found it easy to get lost and off track when things move too quickly. I hope it goes well for you.

Sincerely,

"Arnold"

Update

Hello A lot has happened since we communicated last.. In a nutshell, I'm very happy with how things are going ... Let me start by saying I haven't had an orgasm since before June 11 (since I first came across CPA). My gentleman friend and I have been seeing each other since 6/28 and we're practicing Karezza ish intercourse since 7/4 on the weekends when available. The first time we tried intercourse without any foreplay and it was really painful for me due to his size and my lack of sexual activity for most of the last 10 years. I guess my eyes were bigger than my vagina! At his next visit we modified karezza to include some foreplay and some extra lubricant and it made all the difference. I also did an SRT clearing (spiritual response therapy) for us for great sex before we met. The next time we were together the sex felt amazing! I was sensitive to new vibrations that I've never experienced before. I've been focusing on moving my sexual energy up the spine and mixing it with heaven energy then bringing it back into the solar plexus to nourish all of me. This past week I had a fantastic week of super high energy. I seem to be getting physically stronger too.

Ours is a semi long distance relationship (2 hours + drive) so we don't have daily physical contact, but he does text me "Good morning Linda" every morning, and we speak on the phone every evening. I think even though he's not here in person, the regular texts and phone calls do amount to bonding behavior.

He told me he has been abstaining from orgasm too since we met with a one time exception when I was out of town recently. How awesome!
We saw each other again this weekend and this time he decided he wanted to have an orgasm with me. We're not going to see each other for the next 2 weeks due to me going out of town again. Well you were right. His orgasm made a difference in the vibe between us. It was still nice (since we're in the honeymoon period) but not the same. He said he felt "full" afterward. I think that meant "done".... We still hung out together and it was still nice. Just not swoony nice! This was an interesting experiment....... Just wanting to share and update y'all.

I think at our next visit I'm going to verbally reset the intention of non goal oriented and just being open to the feelings and try to keep things more on track. Thank you for this great work that you're doing.

Noticed the crabby effect

Thank you Marnia for the heads up about the lube. We had our evening phone conversation just now and for the first time I noticed I was getting crabby, critical and feeling at a loss for words. Also noticed he was expressing insecurity, said he felt guilty about the orgasm and was also giving me reasons why he left early in the day. Could his orgasm be effecting my brain chemistry? He and I both agreed that he wasn't any less affectionate with me afterwards. It was weird though I heard myself sounding critical and we hung up without our usual good feelings.
I gave him CPA to read awhile back. I think we need to read it together chapter by chapter as in book study group! Also restating our intention of slowing down, skin to skin contact, non performance, non goal oriented and openness to the good feelings before we walk into the bedroom. Repeat after me......

We've always found

that both of us are affected to some degree, no matter who orgasms. As someone on the forum once said, when you practice karezza it's like blowing up a balloon together. And orgasm kinda "pops" it and it takes time to inflate it again.

But definitely don't make your partner feel bad. First, it could be you next time. Wink Second, you actually learn a lot from those orgasmic encounters once you're really paying attention. It's an unavoidable part of the learning curve.

Give him a hug from me when you can.

I did not like the Chia book.

I did not like the Chia book. I found it too 'programmed': too many techniques to practice -- e.g., 'finger lock,' specific breathing and muscle contractions, etc. -- and too many steps to follow -- e.g., '10 shallow thrusts followed by one deep thrust' -- for my taste. It was fun using the techniques sometimes, but the loving and spirituality element was not there, it seemed to me.

If you want to save the money and read the book online, the link is here (scroll down two screens):
http://reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/mantak_chia_taoist_secrets_of_love

The Chia book, it seemed to me, was about maximal male performance. For me, that is not the purpose of Karezza. For me, Karezza is about loving performance and presence, and its resulting strengthening of bonds.

Better books for loving male performance and presence, it seems to me, were Diane Richardson's 'Tantric Orgasm for Women' and her husband's book, 'Tantric Sex for Men.' This stuff is important to me for my marriage, so I bought and read both.

I offer these just as food for thought, friend. And, congratulations on your find of your companion and on beginning the path together!

Thank you for the tip John G!

Thank you for the tips John G and Taoman!. I bought 'Tantric Sex for Men" and read it in a couple of days. Currently he's reading it slowly and I'm rereading it as we go :-). I am finding it very helpful and easy for my partner to relate to. We're both learning this together.. it's more my thing than his but he's very open. I also ordered the Mantak chia book per Taoman and plan to read it soon as I spend a lot of time alone in this long distance relationship!

Osho, the Richardsons and Chia

Approaching the same thing from different directions. It's just that half the people have no partner and Taoist practices such as single cultivation addresses this better imo.

Like training wheels on your bike the techniques fall away. The Tao is not forced as in osho's non doing.