From a woman's perspective, how can avoiding orgasm during sex feel 'more' pleasureable? It doesn't make sense...

Submitted by Tian2rayn on
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I've been wondering about this question for a while, and i know that as i'm not a woman, i just have to take your word for things like this. I'm fine with that for the most part, apart from when something doesn't make logical sense. I'm interested in what everyone thinks of this, especially CuriousFellow, Rachel, Marnia, Maso and Emerson who have been really helpful :)
(I guess i've been thinking with the mindset of more orgasms = better sex for too long!).

Thinking from a logical perspective, if orgasms are so incredibly pleasureable, then wouldn't their removal from intercourse result in worse sex? More orgasms = more pleasure, right? So less orgasms = less pleasure.
Even if a couple has slow, loving, Karezza-like sex, then the addition of orgasms to that should only heighten the pleasure. Not take pleasure from it.
Therefore, does this mean that if one is not concerned about the drawbacks of orgasmic sex that occur afterward, then orgasm should still occur, but not seen as the 'goal'? (As goal-orientated sex appears to be the root of many of the problems discussed in previous topics). I assume this would be the best way to maximise all the possible pleasure one can give to a woman.

P.S. I know that in the long term, or even just the morning after, Karezza is much more beneficial than orgasmic (mainstream) sex. Like how the bonding chemicals (oxytocin i think?) remains high in a woman after Karezza sex but not so after orgasm, hence leading them outside monogamy to seek out new partners to fulfil their biological urges. And also that neither partner experiences a hangover that they'll have to wait ~7 days to get over. But i'm talking about just the sex itself, not what happens afterward. How can it be that by removing something so pleasureable and seemingly important to sex (orgasm), greater pleasure is achieved?

Make your own experiments

Seriously. This kind of analysis is totally pointless. Of course orgasm is pleasurable. Biology is a powerful force. Just know that it has its own agenda, which is about passing on genes and pushing us toward new partners.

The exciting discovery (at least for some of us raised in the pro-orgasm-hype era) is that sex without orgasm can also be very pleasurable, and without tripping some of the downside of the biological mechanisms.

Apparently it is for other primates too: What Can Chimps Teach the Church About Sex?

There's no right or wrong here. Go forth and find out what works for you and your partner(s). But please, switch to a new question. Wink

?!!

I was really disappointed with this answer. I've stated before that i'm not ready to be in a sexual relationship as i'm still at school, and going university soon. Being in a committed relationship now would be unhelpful for everyone.

"Seriously. This kind of analysis is totally pointless. Of course orgasm is pleasurable. Biology is a powerful force. Just know that it has its own agenda, which is about passing on genes and pushing us toward new partners.

The exciting discovery (at least for some of us raised in the pro-orgasm-hype era) is that sex without orgasm can also be very pleasurable, and without tripping some of the downside of the biological mechanisms."

That really doesn't answer my question. I asked which is more pleasureable. As a human, of course i know that both orgasm and affectionate touch (Karezza) can be pleasureable. My question is why you can't combine them to double the pleasure (Karezza and orgasm), rather than just the affectionate touch of Karezza. Which you evaded.

"There's no right or wrong here. Go forth and find out what works for you and your partner(s). But please, switch to a new question. "

Now this was ridiculous. As a newcomer to Karezza, i supposed i was allowed to ask questions relating to the subject of Karezza. I've only created 3 topics in the past two years that ask a question(s).

'In summary...?' - Asking how i should fit Karezza into a sexual relationship.

'Some questions concerning Karezza...' - Asking if refraining from ejaculation harms a woman, if women experience the Coolidge effect, whether i should practise Karezza, how to finish during Karezza and whether to take a dominant role.

'It is my aim to be a more amorous, sexy and romantic man - is Karezza the right technique for me?' -Asking for techniques that will increase stamina, whether Karezza is right for me to increase sexual perfomamce, and if all these would contribute to me becoming a good lover.

As you can see, all my questions have been totally varied and i don't understand why you imply that i keep asking the same question. I clearly don't. With all due respect, if you don't have a degree at all in sex and are just as qualified as anyone to talk about Sex and Karezza, you should expect to be asked a few questions on 'why' things are, because i refuse to take everything you say as gospel without considering and thinking over it (so 'this type of analysis' isn't pointless). Though i heard you have a law degree, which explains your skill of evading questions, especially by repeating to me to experiment myself (which eliminates the whole point of this discussion board).

I hope another member can be more useful :/

Ryan

No one expects you to take anything as gospel.

That is precisely the point. No one here is going to tell you orgasm is "bad" or how to do things. You keep fishing for those kinds of answers and you won't find them here. If you want pat answers ask a sexologist. They'll give them to you in a heartbeat. They'll tell you to have as many orgasms as possible by every means at your disposal and the same for your partner. If those are the answers you want then that is where to elicit them.

I suggest you return after you have some actual sexual experience - whenever  you're ready to gain it (no rush). We'll happily answer your questions then. Adios for now.

Chill dude

Dude, I applaud your curiosity about the subject at such a tender age, but you can understand that no one should be obligated to jump for those demanding answers to abstract rhetorical questions. Especially Marnia who provides this site and frankly bucket loads of her time for absolutely nothing asked in return. The least we can do is be civil to her :)

I agree with her point, that reuniting is about sharing our experiences as that's more real. If you try your way and find it works good, I'd for one would be keen to hear all about it.

Your question seems not pointless to me

as I am asking me the same thing. What I observed:

1. After karezza my wife is ready to receive long orgasms through very soft and slow stroking with my finger - and she enjoys it. Before she had not always orgasms and if they were short and hard.

2. After karezza I can choose to have an orgasm or not. I feel no impact and getting not tired afterwards - as it was before. BUT: It seems not worth the fuzz. Some itching spasms, a little sharp pain, and then Its over. Afterwards I always think: Now you stopped sex and you missed the chance to have some more little fine feelings.

Still we are not at the end of the road. And one can train himself in various directions. I'm not shure if science can find out all the aspects behind it.

Men are mostly looking for the technical way how to do sex right, But they have to learn how to love their woman even during sex. And that's another cuo of coffee...

haven't had karezza yet, but

haven't had karezza yet, but my solo cultivation tells me this:

non-ejaculatory whole body orgasms are more intense and can last longer than the conventional kind and they don't deplete you. Plus, you can have many.

I'm pretty sure that women can have the same type of orgasm that is non-depleting....

Think of it this way - eating

Think of it this way - eating junk is often more pleasurable than eating healthy food. Should we just eat heaps of junk? No, because in the long run it makes us feel sick. Eating healthy food regularly doesn't give us the same rush, but our overall satisfaction is higher.

Junk food and orgasm aren't perfectly analogous, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Perhaps there are two

Perhaps there are two different roads: seeking orgasm and everything else. Karezza is on the everything else road. More is more and less is less thinking might be valid along the orgasmic road. One can't apply that same reasoning to the everything else road where more can come from seeking less. Orgasm along the everything else road is still pleasurable. It's just not the point.

Continuing the food analogy, perhaps think of a dab of something sweet mixed into a healthy nutritional food versus some sweet drink that is of little nutritional value. The healthy food tastes good every time, while the sweet drink needs to get sweeter and sweeter or be consumed in ever larger quantities. If one adds more sweetness to the healthy food, it might taste ok for a bit or it might shift toward something less nutritional.

You really do have to do your own experiments. This isn't identical for everyone and every set of partners. You've learned more is more and less is less for a long time. It takes time to undo that thinking.

How solid is your certainty that more orgasms with a partner is always more pleasurable?