Comments about the practice of bonding-based sex

Printer-friendly version

Peace Between the Sheets is saving us. After our miscarriage, my huband and I needed some big-time healing. We went back to the Exchanges, and started from scratch. Again....miracles. F

Thanks for all your lovely work. My husband and I worked with and enjoyed 'Peace Between the Sheets' about 3 years ago, on the recommendation of a friend. It was truly transformative for us. We had just read Barry Long’s 'Making Love' and PBTS was the perfect ‘how-to guide’ as a result. We later read 'Tantric Orgasm for Women,' which we also found very helpful in many ways. PBTS was the one that really helped us open new ways of being together in our lovemaking, and possibly even saved our marriage, as we were is so much pain and difficulty around relating sexually.

We are very thankful to have been shown how to nurture love in this way. Over time, it has bought so much more care, kindness, healing and real appreciation of each other into our relationship. 'Peace Between the Sheets' really does help to create peace between the sheets and in all areas of relationship! F

This bonding thing seems to work out just right. Putting to use some of your book's techniques we simply keep getting closer and closer without crossing any border. We caressed each other for over 5 hours in a row during the night and, after 3 hours of sleep, another 4 hours. Not suffering from fatigue or the roll-over-and-snore effect is just amazing.... Not releasing the built up energy presents great oppurtunities. I just hope we can keep it up. M

Cuddling and non-goal oriented touch raise me to a height where I have a dramatically new *point of view.* The world I see is different. I can see things I never saw before. I can have experiences I never dreamed of before. We are all so connected that this is not an individual experience, either. I affect my friends, my coworkers, even strangers on my job. More important to me, I feel myself entering a world where *flow* takes on real significance. I have long held the conviction that we live in an abundant world. Now I have the *experience* that this is so.

We finished the exchanges about three weeks ago. It has been an incredible journey for us that has completely transformed our lovemaking and made our already wonderful relationship way more wonderful! M

I have been practicing Karezza and related techniques of spiritual aspiration derived from Ida Craddock, initially with a partner at college for 3 months which was wonderful, one of the most memorable experiences of my life, then for the first five years of my LTR / marriage, which period was accordingly blissful and harmonious. ... You have *no idea* how wonderful it was to come across your site and find that there are people promoting the precious ideal of sexuality that has been dear to my heart all these years. M

It is nice to be a little permanently horny with your mate. Smile I learnt that from you guys. Thanks. M

[From the forum] Someone asked, does changing the way we make love propel us strongly enough to be able to heal us of other addictive behaviors as well?

My experience mostly lies in the practice as a celibate, but I have found this to be the case. Although, it is not a miracle, quick-fix type solution. I only say that because for a long time, I thought that was what it was going to be. What I have experienced first-hand is that orgasm with partner or on your own definitely triggers addictive tendencies, as well as old neurotic emotional patterns. I still have emotional issues to work through, and I still create obstacles for myself, but avoiding orgasm gives me a more sound foundation to work from. My intuition is heightened, my intellect is more powerful, and I just feel better about myself overall. I also get along with people better, and I can handle stress much more competently. I've achieved a level of emotional stability that I never had my entire life. I react much more appropriately to life's ups and downs, whereas I used to just fall apart. In short, I could not recommend anything more than this practice, although most people don't listen to my recommendation in this regard. Smile F

We continue to grow with the "Peace" concepts. It has brought up so much stuff that we have worked through and become that much closer and because of it, we are able to express our love for each other so much more exquisitely. Thanks again for opening this door for us. M

The Exchanges are having magical results for us, even after just a week. I'm looking forward to more. M

I am reading Marnia's book again more thoroughly and have also been going over some of my previous posts, and can clearly see the pattern of alienation and separation after orgasm that she describes. I don't feel skeptical of this method at all anymore, and in addition to feeling very clear about wanting to avoid orgasm through sex and masturbation, I also would like to reorient any future lovemaking towards slower, more nurturing and less passion-oriented sex. I want to be able to relax into the full ecstatic self that I am, and that part of myself that flows openly and generously in sublime, loving presence is not the same thing that is evoked with hot sex.

Although I will never claim that hot sex isn't great fun or that it is "bad," I think that it is generally very performance oriented and therefore more self-centered. The main issue that I see with "hot sex", even the kind I've recently experienced without orgasm, is that because it is so fun, it easily becomes what people strive for and see to be the pinnacle of what sex has to offer, when really, intense focus on it denies or ignores other, more yin and nurturing ways of being. So there's a whole spectrum here, and it is the more receptive and relaxed ways of interacting that I would like to experience again. I have experienced that tenderness before and it is what my soul yearns for - at the same time it does not in any way deny the pleasures that the body so much enjoys. F (

He is very enthusiastic about "continuous lovemaking" without orgasm, but as you might expect, still likes to take it closer to the edge than is ideal. However, he is very open to suggestions and we are getting along very well without the roller coaster express...thanks to you and proponents of this way. F

After half an hour or so of relative inactivity, I experienced an extraordinary merging moment, where I could no longer sense the boundary between my wife and myself. This followed a series of involuntary butterfly sensations of gurgling and contracting in and around our genitals. It felt supremely peaceful and I could have remained like that indefinitely. M

I wanted to say a big "Thank You" to you for all the effort you put into the website and the abundance of material available there. X and I are having a wonderful experience as we "experiment in our own personal relationship laboratory" with PBTS. There is nothing like personal experience to enrich the learning curve! I could not ask for a more loving and willing partner and we laugh a lot, too! I would say that the gratitude that we each feel for this "re-connection" after 30+ years is never far from our consciousness. ... I find that my spiritual practice and my relationship with X seem to have a mutually enhancing effect on each other and I attribute the practice of PBTS to this-after all, it too, is a spiritual practice.

I have been thinking about how this info could be distributed to ideas yet. I was listening to Good Morning America to other day and they were talking about how good sex is for balancing stress due to the producing of oxytocin. .. We know there is a huge piece missing to the story!! What about Oprah? Any thoughts on writing to them and seeing if they might be interested in PBTS? F

I've been a frequent visitor to this site for some time, and can gladly confirm the findings presented. Over the past six months of trying this method of sexual activity, I can only say that the differences in my marital relationship - and in my life in general - have been profound. I look forward to continued spiritual growth. M

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work that you do in the world. My relationship is going so well and I know a lot of it has to do with you and the Peace work. I feel great, I feel in love and I am not confused or scaring men off anymore. You are a true blessing in my life. I don’t mind you or anyone else knowing details about my love life. He is much quieter about those things, so I am not as openly chatty to honor his wishes. But, we are very happy conserving energy and getting closer because of it. F

I have experienced great feelings of wellbeing after non-orgasmic sex over long periods of time, the contact with the person becomes the orgasm, the sexual contact becomes the orgasm, and then there is no need for orgasm. M

We've just come out of a hangover (were doing great for three months — then got a bit careless. Not to mention the fact that we are just a little split between not wanting to orgasm, but wanting a child) and every hangover is worse than the last. Actually, not sure if that is as much true, as the fact that every period between hangovers, we get so much deeper, so much clearer and closer, that the hangover just SEEMS worse than before. I just do not know how I survived previously without this understanding. F

We are well into our 2nd year of our revised lovemaking approach and very happy with our lives and relationship. Always read the newsletter.........enjoy your writings. Good luck and best wishes. M

After a few ups and downs last year my sweetheart and I are still together and I do believe that our peace between the sheets is strongly responsible for that....I spoke with K the other day and compared "notes" of our relationships [using the "Peace" approach]. She says she is happier than she has ever been! F

I feel so deeply good and much more myself, so much more at home in my own soul that I know that this peaceful pathway is what's true for me from here on out. Thank You...Thank You...Thank You. M

We are happily sticking to our non-orgasmic lovemaking, and finding the new way very easy for us actually. A lot easier than I thought. He's a total natural and because of that, I have no need for conventional sex anymore. It's amazing. F

Thanks for a beautiful book. It has been a tremendous success in our life! Thanks, what a wonderful change! M

I've been thinking so much about you and Gary lately, and of how much you have become a part of our lives. My husband and I continue with our new life, a.m. (After Marnia) - as Peace Between the Sheets integrates more and more into our lives. The other day we noticed — hey — we've not had a big shouting argument in about a year!!! Hey, we are becoming happy!! But more than that — its something much deeper, which cannot really be put into words.

Over all, the benefits of oxytocin-centered living are taking hold, and taking charge. I cannot remember a time when I have felt more alive, more centred, more grateful, than this year. I'm sending your book to a few friends as gifts, and it is always my husband's choice of wedding gift for others. F

I have been reading and practicing the suggestions in this book. I can say from personal experience that it works and is worth reading. I am impressed with the simplicity and natural "heartfulness" of your material. I find that it opens the heart and enlivens the exchange of energy between the two of us throughout the day as well. The extra calm and attentiveness we feel naturally overflows onto the kids. M

My partner and I had practiced the Exchanges for several months. It was a new relationship and we had never engaged in ordinary sex. Meeting him in this new way was the most continually beautiful and intimate meeting with a man I have ever experienced. Thank you!!! F

I recommend your book to many people. All the women loved it, some men too, but some had a difficult reaction. I love your book. My wife and I got into nonorgasmic lovemaking a while ago, because the diksha process naturally made us more sensitive and freed me from the addiction to orgasm (my wife never had typical orgasms), but your book was a wonderful deepening for us. I read it to her during our vacation and she was very relieved, as it confirmed that there wasn't something wrong with her. M

My partner and I have just clicked over 2 and a half weeks practising the Peace Between the Sheets process, and have spent the past two days connected at the mouth and looking deeply into one another's eyes, like we were when we first met. The level of connection just keeps on surprising us, it's so beautiful.

I also feel like my sexuality is having a kind of birthing process. Issues of abuse have resurfaced which I'd done some therapy on in the past but I now feel I need to sort things out more extensively. It feels quite natural and healthy. My heart and soul seem to be demanding complete healing, which is amazing after so many years of pushing things against the grain....I would also like to say thank you; this is life enriching stuff. F

I think my partner and I are growing up as a result of using your book and taking it seriously. Personally, I feel that I'm getting too old to f**k around with my life by not taking love seriously. We are awed by what is happening. We're into the Exchange just before the one with actual coupling. Wow. I laid there on the bed at one point this morning, and out of a long, long stretch of prana-yama type breathing, all I could do was laugh out loud for quite a while. I felt so high and so grounded at the same time!!! Thanks for writing such a worthwhile book. We think you should go on Oprah. M

My [husband] and I did the Exchanges and found amazing results. Far better than marriage counseling. F

This new way is having profound results in our marriage and in other areas of our lives. We are happier. We don't fight nearly as much. Our kids seems more relaxed and secure. I now have a different, lower-paying job, but the stress has been minimal, and my wife and I have even started a small business together. All in all, I think we are on the road to a much more fulfilling marriage and life. Please keep up the GREAT work you and Gary are doing.

I think what is key in this way of thinking/lovemaking is the way it makes us stronger as individuals. We are no longer slaves to our baser instincts and are thus free to experience greater spiritual growth. Personally, I have combined your ideas with the thoughts expressed by Yogani in his book "The Secrets of Wilder". The changes in my life are becoming quite evident. Even as things change around me, there is a growing sense of calm from within.

Greater spirituality through sex is not exactly what everyday religion teaches. Quite the opposite. Perhaps the letdown phase after conventional orgasm leads to a certain sense of guilt or shame, which, in turn, leads to repression and even perversion. Of course, foregoing the short term thrills and engaging in sustained non-orgasmic sex should lead to openness, freedom and well-being.

One potential bright side - the endless focus on sex (and other short-term pleasures) by the media and by advertisers at least is opening the door to the topic of healthier sexual relations. M

I have read your articles with much interest and made my own testing (which has been easier because of debilitating headache after orgasm -- starting around 4-24 hours after and lasting for days). I was very impressed how at first I noticed that the "OK we are done here"-feeling didn't arrive as well as having a rather pervasive sense of "following my wife around" with a bit of hornyness ... which for all practical purposes will pass for the described cuddle-syndrome due to increased oxytocin and lower prolactin levels. M

Your ideas have been transforming my life.... finally finding the partner I can work/play with. It's all good news and I send lots of love and appreciation. F