♥Karezza experiences

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affectionate coupleHave some thoughts about the practice of karezza, gentle intercourse without the goal of orgasm or related subjects?

Why not post on one of these threads, or post in your blog and indicate the topic of "karezza" in your post? The following threads contain tips, questions, musings and experiences of actual couples experimenting with karezza lovemaking. You can also add your insights to the karezza wiki.

A good companion book to Cupid's Poisoned Arrow is Tantric Sex for Men by Michael and Diana Richardson. It addresses even more of the practicalities of effortless lovemaking. Here's a free preview of the book: Google Preview of Tantric Sex for Men. Amazon also allows a free sample preview of the Kindle edition - if you download their viewer on your computer, Ipad, Iphone, Android phone. Kindle Reading App Kindle: Tantric Sex for Men

Thread 1

"Once we got over the shift to a new sexual paradigm we never looked back. I could probably say for myself this may be the single most valuable discovery I have made in my entire life. It transformed my relationship with my wife. I never tire of her and pretty much can never get enough of her."

  • Thread 2
  • "This past weekend I found myself in a constant state of wonder and I found myself repeatedly saying to myself on multiple occasions, "I'll be damned!" (Not literally of course, to the contrary I feel really blessed)."

  • Thread 3
  • "The best part is that our marriage has come out of a long stale period and is rejuvenated. My wife and I are closer than we have been for years, in bed and throughout the day. If anything, she is more pleased than I for this change in our relationship."

  • Thread 4 - 'Exchanges and New Sweethearts'
  • "During the 2 weeks of doing the Exchanges we both found the ways of cooling each other down were very helpful: hand on hearts, head scratching etc. I was surprised that despite being with someone to whom I was very attracted, I did not feel frustration and could be with her in a very intimate way without the loss [climax], and feel a sense of wellbeing and peace. The beautiful intimacy also bought up some intense feelings. Old fears and a need for distance also came up - even without the release. But I could see how these were old patterns coming up, and as we shared them with each other and persevered with the Exchanges, they passed and a deepening trust developed between us."

  • Thread 4.5 - 'Karezza for Singles'
  • "I can tell you that the experience has been amazing! My first lover called it “riding the wave.” The idea is that instead of having foreplay to create a need to release, i.e., orgasm, we have a slower, more connecting way of being intimate. Yet we’re still playing and doing all the things we love. He would say, “Let’s ride the wave all night!” as he didn’t need to stop and recover from an orgasm."

  • Thread 5 - 'Inadvertent orgasms during karezza'
  • "I completely understand about getting extra stimulated from slow movement. Sometimes the slower we go the more sensitive even the slightest movement can be. Quite delicious actually, aside from the possible consequences."

  • Thread 6 - 'Harmony'
  • "After six months, it seems we have reached the harmony we have been seeking in our practice of karezza. ... I have learned so much and have made so many behavioral and attitude changes. But the one that is most fundamental and life changing for me has been to make love without the goal of orgasm."

  • Thread 7 - Four-month Report
  • "He doesn't miss the orgasms and he can see that I'm happier, so he's happier. I'm not just happier, I'm calmer, more resilient, thankful that I'm so lucky to be so blessed with my partner and many times, just plain blissful. I'm also sleeping better. My blood pressure is lower. "

  • Thread 8 - Karezza Without Intercourse
  • "We still don’t have intercourse, but we do have a wonderful, new way of making love, that I believe is fully consistent with the concept of karezza."

  • Thread 9 - Being On Pause
  • "Those delicious warm melting tingly feelings (that make you go mmmm, ahhh, and ohhhh ) that used to take a while to turn on (through kissing, caressing, sex), are now just there waiting, and don't need any time at all to awaken again. My breasts, ears and inner wrists are like 'off pause' buttons. " Also see: "The face of a Buddha": http://www.reuniting.info/node/4764

  • Thread 10 - Karezza over time
  • "As for my karezza practice: not much has changed. When we do have orgasms, which happens about once a month in a little patch of sessions, we both notice being more irritable and on edge the following few days. In general though, our lovemaking the rest of the time becomes more and more lovely, gentle, juicy, tender, ecstatic, nuanced, intimate. Without the goal of orgasm and performance, we are more free to open up more and more to the innate miracle of being together, of sharing our bodies. Sex is implicitly good, and the simpler the approach, the cleaner the feeling, and the clearer and cleaner the energy, the more energizing it is."

  • Thread 11 - More fun lovemaking
  • "There is a concept in [Michael Richardson's "Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation"] that in all my life I have never known about nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor...especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too "loose" to the man. I wasn't sure I could do it. But I tried it. And Lord have mercy. It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. "

  • Thread 12 - Hold Those Spermies
  • I don't want to lose that magical, delicious feeling I have *before* an orgasm--and for me, once I have an orgasm, I'm kind of done and over it for awhile. I don't like that! I like the sensuous feelings to go on and on...I've decided those pre-orgasm feelings are 100% better than any short-lived burst of feeling I can get through an orgasm. ... "Since *I* have stopped trying for orgasms, he doesn't have the need for Taoist technique [forceful methods of blocking orgasm] so much. It has been only in the last couple of months that I've decided to not "go for it" myself, so to speak. But the accidental orgasms I have slip him up. He says it feels like I'm just sucking one out of him, lol. I'm determined to keep perfecting *my* technique so that our lovemaking doesn't have to come to a crashing halt."

  • Thread 13 - Valley orgasms
  • "Karezza with my beloved makes me very happy, but it is in moments of low arousal that I am clearer about why. When our sexual arousal is lower, I often feel the magnetic energy coming from his penis spreading bliss throughout my body. I believe that this also happens when sexual arousal is higher but the sexual feelings mask the magnetic ones."

  • Thread 14 - touching and loving contact, sexual or not, every day is like magic in a relationship
  • "3 years onto this relationship we are more attracted than ever to each other...I really agree that touching and loving contact, sexual or not, every day is like magic in a relationship...really glad this website is here because we have yet to find another couple that understands this way of life/relationship...feels like when you learn to work with your sexual energy in guiding it to promote health and energy and harmony, everything around you just clicks into place...I wish this awareness on all the people we know...we rarely engage in a discussion of 'non orgasmic' sex, and get the funniest reactions when it comes up...one woman friend, on hearing my wife say "sometimes it is a challenge to avoid orgasm" looked absolutely flabbergasted and shouted "what!? I have to work like heck just to get one, and you avoid them?!!""

  • Thread 15 - Karezza Tips for Men (from a man who has practiced it for over a decade)
  • "I carefully paid attention to what I do when engaging with my wife. What struck me was how the penis is a sending instrument designed to obviously send semen into the woman. Even if you don't orgasm and send the physical substance, a penis is still built to be a sending tool so you need to send something when engaging sexually.

    ... It goes like this; when I move outward I squeeze that PC muscle I talked about, a little bit, and often not at all. The farther out I withdraw, which is rarely all that much, the more I tend to gently squeeze, never hard though, always pretty lightly. If you're really squeezing then you're to close to the edge and need to slow it down.

    On the way back in I relax at some point before I'm in all the way. When I'm at maximum penetration I totally relax, send the energy, and pause there. Sometimes only for a few seconds, sometimes for minutes. I think if you pay attention you will notice this natural "sending" energy when you are fully penetrated, relaxed, and at rest, even if the rest is only momentary. ..."

  • Thread 16 - Young couple's experience
  • "Now it really does feel like every moment we spend together, even just holding hands, is surrounded by an innocent, spiritual sexual glow… like everything is sex and sex is everything (rather than an excitement- driven event with a beginning and an end and a hangover)."

    You may also enjoy reading these comments by other couples.

    Comments

    A woman's experience

    I've given this a lot of time and thought, and I can now say that the high is not in the orgasm. The orgasm is simultaneously the peak and end of that high, and ultimately the death of the connection that we are all trying to achieve in our escapades. That is why no matter how intense or good the orgasm is, we are soon seeking it out again.

    Now being more aware of this, I have made note that lovemaking without orgasm continues on after the act. This is something I have read about (Left-handed Tantra and Taoist Dual-Cultivation), but not experienced or been previously aware of. Because you never really 'finish' making love, that energy you build, layer upon layer, is sustained. It flows beautifully through every limb and every action, soon enough every part of interaction becomes lovemaking. The power of this phenomena cannot be overestimated, as I have experienced it.

    It far surpasses any kind of ecstasy I've known, I can only imagine what it must feel like to be present in every moment, and actively cultivate that energy. To be aware and not lost totally in what my body is feeling. I have begun to experience this without trying, simply by being aware and not being too concerned with driving toward a goal. At first, I could not understand what I was reading, but now I understand it completely.

    Last night I lie awake and thought about this, pulling the energy from my pelvis and up my spine. Eventually it exited out my eyes in a stream of tears and I was at peace. The pure energy of it was so beautiful that I mourned that it ever had to leave, and longed to feel it not just during those moments of physical union, but all the time. (http://www.reuniting.info/node/4314#comment-24634)

    A man's experience

    I think this is the most thoughtful and beautiful description of non-orgasmic lovemaking I've read. I so much feel what you wrote of. The continual presence of sexual energy between my lover and I is both peaceful and exciting. It is something that I love to fall asleep with and then wake up to again in the morning. Presently when we makelove she orgasms while I do not. I intend to let her move towards not having orgasms only if she chooses without any pressure from me to do so. I do in fact enjoy our present practice. Maybe someday I will show her your what you wrote.

    A Second Man's Experience

    Marnia's eloquent words do prompt some very deep and profound thought. This hits me hard every time I read it. I will shamelessly admit I saved a copy of this for "reference" (Thanks Marnia!). Her perspective mirrors many of my own sentiments on non-orgasmic lovemaking. For me as a man orgasm means the end of pleasure and the trigger for unwanted neurological cascade effects that ultimately promotes disconnect from my partner. Just like we humans are genetically programmed to. Since I became non-orgasmic a completely new dynamic developed between me and my wife. Because I never "finish" there is always an underlying current of sensual energy that pervades all aspects of the relationship - not just in the bedroom. Very delicious.

    Like you guys(inherdeep) my wife remains orgasmic while I am not. We engage in lots of Karezza like activity and sensual bonding behaviors but my wife finds the relaxed state combined with the sustained sensual energy between us all but irresistible and she is more orgasmic now than ever. She is convinced becoming non-orgasmic was the best thing I ever did for our relationship - and is reveling in our increased intimacy, connectivity, and the sacred space that a hungry, horny, and "always available for action" husband has allowed us to create and maintain and she is exploring her orgasmic potential to the fullest right now. We have discussed this at length but since orgasm does not seem to affect her in a negative way she sees no reason not to continue having them and it is not looking like she will be joining me in becoming non-orgasmic any time soon. This dynamic works very well for us and we are very loving, playful, and the sex is very fulfilling so I am not pushing my wife to become non-orgasmic - she will come to this or not as she sees fit. Good to hear of another couple engaged in similar practice.
    Regards,
    Virgil

    *smile*

    Those are actually the inspiring words of another forum member. I just thought they belonged over here. Like these posted by a male forum member:

    Although "thrill" might not exactly the be the word I would use, my experience is that Karezza style lovemaking puts the thrill BACK into sex with ones partner, it sure has between Annabelle and me. Personally, I have no interest in accepting anything less than the absolute best sex I can have. I don't want to condition myself not to want the thrill, I want it.

    Again, the word "thrill" has certain connotations so let me put it this way, I want the thrill but not the ups and downs that go with it, or for it to end. The word thrill kind of denotes a high point and then an end. I want it to go on in a state of consistency. Karezza, once you get the hang of it gives you a steady feeling, not to high and not to low. I want my "thrill" delivered by different means.

    Let me use sugar as an example. Sugar gives you energy. Unfortunately it also gives you a sugar buzz and then dumps you, requiring more sugar to pick you up again. A balanced diet on the other hand gives you the energy without the ups and downs, or the sugar style "thrill". I think of karezza like this. I like my dopamine, lets just meter it out in a more balanced way and mix it with some nice oxytocin. God, I sound like some druggie mixing up his brew. I have Marnia and Gary to thank for this perspective.

    My sex life is better than its ever been. I'm getting more, and better sex than I ever have. I'm enjoying it more, and am much more bonded to my wife. All thanks to karezza. Karezza style lovemaking is way more pleasurable than conventional sex. I dont feel like I've given up anything at all. Conventional style sex has absolutely no attraction for me at all. Orgasming?..... Boring!!

    There's another point as well, which I think ties into the "thrill" thing. I believe some of us simply have more sexual energy running than others, and this can get us "horn dogs" in trouble. Have you noticed how some folks hardly have sex on their radar at all. Sometimes I envy them. For myself, I need a strategy to manage the amount of sexual energy that has flowed through me for pretty much as long as I can remember. People with a lot of this energy tend to get themselves in trouble, sexually speaking. Karezza to the rescue! Karezza is like natural ritalin for the ADHD personality. Its been a life saver for me.

    The only down side to karezza is it takes time before it really kicks in and becomes a sweet flow. To all you newcomers, hang in there and keep practicing, the flow will happen. It takes a while before you'll be willing to say, "boring" about orgasming.

    Our shared experiences with

    Our shared experiences with this type of love making are so much alike. Since adopting a she orgasms I do not approach to sex our whole relationship has elevated to a new level of intimacy and excitement. Like your wife my girlfriend is discovering a new sense of her sexual self. She embraces the truth that sexual pleasure in our relationship is more for her and especially the deeply pleasurable feeling of orgasm is only for her. This has opened up for her new ways to experience sexual enjoyment that simply would not be there for her in conventional male orgasm centered love making.

    My apologies to KOS-MOS

    for I did not realize she was the source of the material. Clearly another insightful and perceptive individual that we are fortunate to have among us. Thanks for sharing this KOS-MOS. And unless I missed the boat again the above is more wisdom from our friend Darryl. Another keen and discerning thinker. Truly great stuff.

    Virgil

    Ah, I've been found out and you're making me blush!! If only my teenage boys thought this way about me.