12. THE WOMAN'S PART IN KAREZZA
The opinion prevails that in Karezza the man does it all and the woman's co-operation is negligible. This error may have arisen in part from the old name, "Male Continence," for the method.
On the contrary, her co-operation, or at least acquiescence, is indispensable, and it is probable that a reckless woman, or one who deliberately and skillfully seeks to do so, can break the control of the most expert man in the art.
For instance, very sudden and unexpected leaps, plunges, or contortions on the woman's part, or wild and abandoned writhings are difficult to withstand, and there is one particular movement, in which the feminine organs clasp tenaciously their sensitive guest and then are drawn suddenly, powerfully backward and downward, which, if executed quickly and voluptuously enough and repeated, I feel sure must unlock the strongest man living.
Also where the woman's muscles are tense and she is quivering and vibrating within with avid hunger almost past control, radiating a thrilling excitement - to attempt entrance at such a moment almost certainly means an explosion, though the same condition after penetration is perfect and a harmonious rapport established, may be supportable, safe and exquisitely delightful, provided the man's own will or passion is still stronger.
Karezza should always begin gently. Too intense or excited a condition on either side, but especially on the woman's side, at the very outset, militates against success. As a rule the woman, at first, should be in a state of complete muscular relaxation. Strong passion in her feeling is not only permissible but excellent, if it is under complete control, if the muscles are not tensed by it, and if it is wisely and helpfully wielded. There is a passion which grips and dominates its subject, greedy, jerky, avid and, as it were, hysterical - like the food-appetite which bolts its meal. This makes Karezza impossible. But there is another passion just as strong, or stronger, more consciously delightful, in which the emotion is luxurious, voluptuous, esthetic, epicurean, which lingers, dallies, prolongs and appreciates, which is neither hurried nor excited, and which invites all the joys and virtues to the feast. This is the passion of true Karezza, especially of the woman who is perfect in the art. She is then to her lover like music, like a poem, not like a bacchante or a neurotic.
As a rule the woman's passion, however great, must be subordinated to the man's. He must feel himself the stronger and more positive of the two and as controlling the situation. If the woman takes the lead, is more positive, especially if she assumes this suddenly and unexpectedly, the result is almost always failure. The woman may rule in the house, in the business, in the social life, and it may be very well, but in Karezza the man must be her chief and her hero or the relation leaves both dissatisfied. In the ordinary, orgasmal, procreative embrace the woman may dominate and be successful, at least become impregnated, though her pleasure is usually imperfect, but Karezza is a different matter. And this is because in Karezza the woman is happy in proportion to her fulfilled femininity, the man in proportion to his realized masculinity, and each happy in realizing this in the intimate touch of the other.
There is a physical help which the woman may render at the very outset which is important. It often happens at the beginning of penetration that the labia, one or both of them, are infolded, or pushed in, acting as an impediment and lessening pleasure or causing a disagreeable sensation. If the woman, before penetration begins, will, with her fingers, reach in and open wide the lips, drawing them upward and outward the fullest extent, she will greatly facilitate entrance, and if she will several times repeat this during the Karezza, each time drawing the inner labia outward, while her partner presses inward, it will be found greatly to increase the contact surface and conscious enjoyment, giving a greater sense of ease and attainment.
If a woman by intuitional genius or acquired skill does the right thing, her passion is a food and a stimulus to the man, filling him with a triumphant pride. He is lifted, as it were, by a deep tide, on which he floats buoyantly and exultantly, like a seabird on a wave. Under such conditions both parties become exalted by an enthusiasm approaching ecstasy, a feeling of glorious power and perfect safety no words can adequately describe. And this, I insist, depends mainly on the woman.
Under such conditions of realized power and ability almost any movements, on either side, are possible, provided they are ordinary, expected, and carrying a sort of rhythm. Remember that Karezza is, in its way, a form of the dance. But no movement should be too often repeated without a break. Change is in every way pleasing and desirable. Steady repetition excites to the orgasm, or tires, satiates, chafes or bruises. No movement at any time should be jerky or unexpectedly sudden. Lawless, nervous, unregulated flouncings and wrigglings should be barred as from a waltz. They properly belong to epileptic states of the orgasmal embrace, and for that very reason have no place in Karezza, which is the opposite. There should be often, long, tender, restful pauses - alternations of "storm and peace," as one woman happily phrased it - and in many cases the whole embrace may most helpfully be very quiet. This part should be decided by the woman and as she wishes it.
The mental attitude and atmosphere and the words of the woman are of inestimable importance. As before said, she must hold the thought that she does not wish or will the orgasm and that she will help the man to avoid it. She should feel calm, strong, confident, safe and pure. At such a time a sensitive man will almost know her thoughts and participate in her emotions, and her sub-consciousness, and his, affect each other like mingling streams. Nervousness, doubt, remorse, suspicion, irritation, guilt, coldness, repulsion or blame may make him impotent for the time. Too tense or avid a passion may do the same, or pull the trigger of discharge. Her attitude should always, consistently, be one of encouragement. The sudden, perhaps sub-conscious fear that the woman is expecting more than he can give, and will blame him if he fail, often quite destroys a sensitive man's courage and makes temporary impotence or an emission inevitable, where admiration and approval could develop a sexual hero. Nothing else can possibly help a man so much as to feel all around him the glow of his loved one's loving admiration and trust, her comfort, satisfaction and confidence. Her praise is iron and wine to him.
She need not say much, but if there are few words they must be eloquent. Some women make little, inarticulate musical sounds of applause and joy. Any way she must make him understand, and the chief thing to understand is that the love-side is of a thousand times more importance to her than the sex-side - and this especially if, for the time, he has failed.
There is probably no place in the love-life where an attitude and effort of generous love - a soul-cry of "I will help him! I will praise him! I will love him!" will return so much in personal profit and pleasure to the woman as right here.
The woman must feel innocent - that she is doing right. To accept an embrace under conditions of moral self-reproach may sicken a sensitive partner as well as herself, and cause him genital injury.
Remember that Karezza is passionate emotion guided by the intellect and sweetened by the sanction of the soul. It is an art and belongs to the world of the beautiful. It is because it is so controlled and sanctioned that it appeals so to the higher minds - the noble, the poetic and the refined. Exactly as music and poetry exploit some emotional episode in beautiful detail of rhythmic expression long drawn out, so Karezza exploits, in the rhythmic, changeful figures of a clinging dance, the beauty and bliss of the sexual episode.
Karezza is the art of love in its perfect flower, its fulfillment of the ideal dream.