15. THE WOMAN'S SHOCK
One who has read the preceding wishes to know why I have said nothing concerning the woman's shock when the man has a failure and is compelled to withdraw.
Perhaps it would be well to consider this, for it is quite true that in some cases the woman feels nervously shocked when the man has to suddenly stop everything and come away. Indeed, in some cases she becomes furiously angry and upbraids him bitterly, and in others is sullen, or cold, or dully depressed. She may have backache, or headache as a consequence.
But the thing all should know is that many women never feel this way at all, but accept the man's failure with a tender amiability and sympathy for him, and carry the whole thing off so sweetly and lovingly that it is clearly seen to be the trivial accident which it truly is. These do not seem to be shocked, or to suffer, and soon restore and woo the lover back to his normal passion and ability, thus helping themselves as much as him.
Now the cause and remedy here can be instantly revealed if we remember that in Karezza all hinges on love. Karezza is easy and successful just in proportion to the abundance of mutual love - hard and difficult just in proportion as mere sex-craving dominates love. If the woman loves her mate so much that his mere presence, voice, touch, are a heaven of joy to her, so much that the sex-relation is only an adjunct and she could be happy if entirely without it, then, by a sort of paradox, not only does she enjoy it twice as exquisitely as her merely sex-craving sister, but can let it go at any moment without a pang. On the other hand the more the man rises above mere sex-hunger in delicious perfection of romantic love, the more easy and natural and effortless becomes Karezza-control, and the less likely is he to have a failure; and the more the woman loves him, almost to forgetting of sex, the more she assists him to be perfect in sex-power and control, while the less she cares if he does fail. In every way and on every side, absence of love, or a break in the tender stream of romantic rapport and adoration and soul-blending, makes the mechanical technique of Karezza difficult, awkward, unsatisfactory or impossible.
Remember this: If a woman does not love her man with heart or soul, or at least an innocent sense of need that arouses in her a tender gratitude for his service, but merely craves sex-sensation, her avid and animal passion, sensed by his sexual nerves on contact, will arouse in him a lust as soulless as her own, or will render him impotent, or will give him an initial power and then demand so imperiously of his centers that denial and control will be impossible and helplessly he will fail. Just so if he comes to her only for her sex, not in tender love or sympathy, he will find he cannot hold.
It is the predominance of the finer emotions, the capture of the body by the soul and the joyous devotion of every function to that dear service, that alone renders Karezza easy and divinely satisfying.
The woman who is shocked in this case is one who loves less than she should; the shock is disappointment of sex-craving, and when she embraces a man whom she loves more than sensation she will never feel it.