I think I suffer from terminal dick brain confessed a friend recently, after engaging in casual sex he later regretted. He is not alone; humans are built for promiscuity. The advent of DNA testing has all but extinguished the myth of the sexually monogamous mammal (or bird). For millions of years evolutionary biology has molded us to engage in "extra-pair couplings," as science terms them. So valuable are the rewards of wantonness (from evolution's perspective) that biologists now describe monogamy as a major risk factor for extinction. (For an excellent discussion of just how "un-monogamous" we are, see Deflating The Myth of Monogamy by David P. Barash.)
Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap
The Differences between Men & Women
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Marnia, I have just seen your video. I admire your courage in presenting such a charged and complex subject with such poise. I will share the address with my clients that express an interest in improving their relationship, or in understanding what went wrong before.
My wife and I have been applying the exchanges more consistently since your talk at RVML, with noticeable results. The truth is, your information is a great relief to me. It feels like a much more loving way to be intimate with each other. I am particularly interested in the health benefits from this process. The Exchanges are an inexpensive, easy to take method of building vitality and health....R., Ashland, OR
PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS News
Tune in January 2, 9, 16, 23 & 30 at 10pm PST to Ashland's community access RVTV (Channel 31) and watch Parts III or IV of "Biology Has Designs on Your Love Life," directed by Pat Somers. In Part III Marnia reviews the advice of "Sexologists of the Past." Part IV is the final show of the series, and features a Q &A about how to make love differently.
It's Just Mechanics
Viagra is just the start: we'll soon have pills that make you feel deep love and video games that give vibrations. Ziauddin Sardar on the masturbatory society:
Is your sex life normal? The question was raised recently on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Tell us, the show asked its 20 million viewers, what turns you on, what turns you off, and what makes good sex.
The problem with such questions is that there are no "normal" answers. The normal is problematic because our ideas about sex have changed fundamentally. What constitutes normal is constantly refurbished. Its boundaries shift rapidly, and continue to shift. So what was abnormal yesterday - say, pornography - becomes normal today. And what is shunned today (say paedophilia) may just as easily become normal tomorrow.
When we move on to a new partner, or add lover on the side, we increase the genetic variety of our children and improve our genes' chances of sailing into the future. As individuals and families, however, we suffer. Spiritual teachers of the past describe this painful phenomenon separating couples, and hint at a way around it: making love differently, without the emphasis on orgasm. In this article we're going to look at three such sexologists of the past: Lao Tzu, Jesus, and Alice Bunker Stockham, MD.
Lao Tzu was a Chinese Taoist master who lived approximately 2300 years ago. Many know him as the author of the Tao Te Ching, but he also wrote another, lesser-known book, the Hua Hu Ching. Part of it is about sex. Lao Tzu believed that a person's approach to sexuality is a sign of this level of evolution.
According to him, unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. They place all of their attention on the sexual organs, and whatever energy is accumulated is summarily discharged. Lao Tzu taught that the result of following biology's command is that our subtle energies become dissipated and disordered. Orgasm is, in his words, a great backward leap.
Lao Tzu's language about disturbances in the subtle energies is about as close to the concept of neurochemical shifts as a person could get over two thousand years ago. Those who are familiar with esoteric sexual advice know that most of it focuses on loss of semen as the issue. Yet Lao Tzu understood that there was something less obvious affecting us-and nowhere does he say the problem is limited to men.
Unfortunately by the time I read his book I had already found out the hard way that orgasm causes a hangover for women, too. The hangover can show up as pronounced mood swings and irritability - days after an encounter. Above all it creates a sense of "lack," in both men and women. It feels like our needs are not being met, or like our relationship is a burden.
Projection of this subtle sense of lack, or uneasiness, is what separates lovers. And the way around it - as Lao Tzu stated - is to avoid triggering it. He advises us to go beyond our "obsession with seeds and eggs," and make love differently. He says that, "Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet and natural...."