Reuniting Newsletter- December, 2007

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December, 2007

Mind-benders: When 'Natural' Is Risky – Part I

In science-speak, tasty sugary/fatty food and intense sexual stimulation are the two most potent 'natural reinforcers.' That is, these two perfectly natural attractions are likeliest to affect your brain somewhat like drugs (the term 'drug' includes substances like nicotine and alcohol). Specifically, they produce neurochemical events in the reward circuitry of the brain that are designed to bend your priorities.

This is what makes them risky – their power to reorder your priorities in ways that do not serve you, and that you would not choose if you were thinking clearly. To give an extreme example, in New York City, HIV cases in gay men under 30 have jumped 33% since 2001....

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Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap

Visit December's Humor Page


Letters from the Trenches

I have been practicing Karezza and related techniques of spiritual aspiration derived from Ida Craddock initially with a partner at college for 3 months which was wonderful, one of the most memorable experiences of my life, then for the first five years of my LTR / marriage, which period was accordingly blissful and harmonious.

Unfortunately, after I agreed to my wife's desire to have a family, her maternal drive became so strong she was like a different person. Eventually, we had five children, and I had a nervous breakdown! What was so sad, was that after I agreed to start a family, she became so anxious about conceiving that a lot of the time sex became for her mainly a striving to conceive, and I began to feel less like a lover than a convenient outlet for her reproductive drive. The breakdown of our marriage began when it became clear I was not happy about conceiving any more children. I know some women become obsessed with having children like this; it is all they think about, but given how close our bond was in the early years, I'd never have believed it could happen to us. The fact our partnership lasted 24 years is a testament, I think, to the strength of our initial bond, created, I believe, by the fact that I did not pressure my virgin partner for sex but practiced non-genital intimacy, lying naked all night in the kind of bliss with which you must both be so familiar, for 3 months. ... So finding your site was a wonderful vindication of my own beliefs and sexual preferences, made all the more potent by the scientific evidence you present which makes so much sense. I'm only sorry there isn't more support for Karezza, especially from women, who seem to have become more yang and genitally/orgasmically focused if anything.

[I have now met a woman who may be willing to try this approach, but am curious about how best to manage birth control. Any suggestions?] ... You have no idea how wonderful it was to come across your site and find that there are people promoting the precious ideal of sexuality that has been dear to my heart all these years. A fellow sojourner

Visit this blog entry for posts relating to sacred sex and birth control


Time to start thinking about New Year's resolutions? Why not resolve to find a mate if you don't have one? Try this free dating service. (Or have a look at this YOU Tube video on using other dating sites for free:

Free Dating Service

Rainbow Serpent of the Toltecs

The Toltec-Mayan traditions of Mexico and the Southwestern USA have their own lore about the careful cultivation of sexual energy. A few years ago, Merilyn Tunneshende described their practices in Don Juan and the Art of Sexual Energy. Most of the book is devoted to spiritual practices celibates can use, although the sages in her book clearly have great respect for the synergy between the polarities of male and female, and even the possibility of a profound celestial union between soul mates. Let's look at some of the insights Tunneshende gained.

Her teachers explain that while human sexual relations are not unclean in their highest expression, they create energy entanglements. Approached in the usual manner, they also 'use up' the energy of the lovers.

... As the sexual energy is refined, it naturally grows upward toward life, service to others, and greater awareness - and away from physical exhaustion and death. Someone who has mastered this process can then share the concentrated energy with other sages who have refined their energy for energetic evolution. If it is a love relationship, even greater mysteries are possible. ...

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In a Bind

The emphasis on passion leads, over time, to its opposite, a strange malaise between partners. Here's another heart-rending, but superficial, analysis of the cause. It rightfully emphasizes the need for partners to nurture each other sexually, but does so in a way that is unfortunately likely to lead to subtle alienation. Should we tell the author that equilibrium via controlled intercourse may furnish a more nourishing, stable solution for harmony between marriage partners?

... In my work as a life coach, agony aunt and psychologist, I regularly encounter women in their late 20s, 30s and 40s - the inheritors of the feminist revolution - with bitter regrets over relationships that have failed on one pivotal issue: the issue of sexual compromise.

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