I posted this in the addict section of a quick note because I was looking to get advice quick but this section seems more appropriate for this type of question I guess. Already got a few feedbacks on the other forum, but am curious about more.
First of all, I am a 20 year old lesbian. It took me forever to admit it to myself since i grew up in a "Gays to hell" household. I have a girlfriend that I am in love with, emotionally, physically, and sexually. We've been together almost 2 years.
The past 6-8 months out of boredom, I began porn watching. I've always occasionally watched porn, but i'd say in the past 6-8 months is where is was around 5 times a week. To the point of staying up porn searching for hours, looking for a good porn. As others have said, I began to look more for extreme things (incest, rape, gangbang) all of which are OPPOSITE of what I find hot in real life, and I find them disgusting in real life. I also masturbate while watching porn. By the way, I am/was fully satisfied by my girl. But when I was at home (we don't live together) I would watch porn for fun or out of boredom.
If I couldn't study, i'd watch porn to "relive" my stress and get it out of my system. When i was bored, I'd watch it. No one home, I'd watch it.
I guess i didn't realize I was actually getting HOOKED on it. I watch straight porn because lesbian porn bores me because i hate to see girls who act like lesbians who are really straight try and fake their lesbian acts. Therefore, I love straight porn and picturing myself as a guy in the porn though im a femme lesbian. Never pictured myself as the girl in porn.
Anyway, within the past 2 weeks, i told my girlfriend I wanted to quit watching porn. I just realized i didn't want to associate myself with any of the nasty (and more hardcore) things I had begun watching. So i quit, cold-turkey. Next few days, I realized i was looking at guys sexually.
I mean every guy, as in the most ugly repulsing guy you can imagine and still thinking of him sexually.
It scared me since although i can find a guy "hot" i never want to be with him that way. But this was a whole new thinking for me.
And no, this is not my "unconscious" telling me something, seeing as how i spent 20 years trying to "make" myself straight and just recently came to terms with the fact that i love women as relationships, and guys as friends.
I just noticed these "straight" thoughts flourished after stopping porn.
What I think is that my mind saw naked males always having sex by me watching porn, so now that my brain isn't seeing it/getting the pleasure it gets from masturbation while watching porn, it automatically is associating every guy i see with porn which means sex.
Does this make sense to anyone else?
I'm afraid because this has caused me to be emotionless to everything lately.
Meaning my girlfriend, school, life, etc.
It's like I am having withdrawl symptoms of a real addiction such as drug addiction.
Never thought porn addiction had such symptoms, but then again, i never thought i was "addicted" but am now having different thoughts.
I've been experiencing: the straight thoughts, highs and lows, irritability, emotionless, etc. since stopping watching porn/masturbating.
Do you think once I finally get over my body not being exposed to porn that these thoughts will stop of associating every guy with sex when I know that's not what I want/how I am wired?
By the way, when i think of guys when i see them, its just sexually, and it's mainly their penis.
Kind of just like in porn.
This is so annoying.
Do you think stopping porn will help this go away for good? It's been about a week and a half or so.
Do you think these are the symptoms im experiencing... withdrawals?
Anyone have any tips of how to get over this addiction quicker?
Or supporting advice?