My reboot proves an incredible experience. I'm extending it up to 90 days right now, but that's just an arbitrary number, as I'm not counting my days in the focused way I used to. I've experimented with a healthy masturbation on day 68, with success.
Now I'm being on my guard to not fall back in to a masturbation routine. I don't think it has anything to do with my masturbation on day 68, because it didn't trigger any chaser effect, and felt just right. But it's more the breaking of a routine now, one that seems attached to studying behind my desk, which I'm doing more lately as finals are coming closer. During these first months of my reboot I've overcome this problem by getting out there as much as possible and trying not to isolate myself. Also, I was not doing that well in keeping up with all the study work. :) Spending more time at the gym and with friends, which all proved very helpful in this reboot.
But now that I'm gonna spend a lot of time behind the desk until february, I think I really need to take my precautions. One year ago, this was just the time where the whole escalation started, and during the previous finals I relapsed...
This weekend I was working on a paper and I found myself unconsciouly going in the pants and sometimes starting to masturbate. It stopped right there, but it was a little shock for me that this behavior seems so attached to the studying.
I decided that I probably really need to unlink this desk-masturbation association and unlearn the habit.
I'm having confidence that I can. If I made it this far than I must be able to go through this challenge, right? It's crucial that I'm very careful and don't lose self-control for one single silly moment, as this can ruin the whole damn thing. (This makes me a little anxious, honestly)
So I'm figuring out ways on how I'm going to cope with this successfully for 1,5 months! Some thoughts...
- Although not my usual routine, maybe I can spend most of my study time at the library? This is a little sacrifice on privacy and silence. And libraries are just overcrowded here during finals. But maybe this is a sacrifice worth making? They close at 10pm however, and I regularly find myself studying til midnight. Or I need to start at 7 am in the morning, so that I'm finished earlier in the evening. (I can't imagine myself masturbating at 7:30am Also studying at home is so much more comfy as I don't need to cook for myself and I can take the dog out during pauses. Still have to figure this out yet.
- I've just found this great advice on 'urge surfing' in the Uncle Bob's recovery tips. I'm trying to apply this mindfulness technique for all further coping requirements in my reboot. I'm hoping to unlearn this masturbation habit with this technique.
If you come across some thoughts or tips, please feel free to share them!