Day 6, Again.

Submitted by Confinement84 on
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Day 6 of no PMO, again. Many things have changed in the last few months. I was well over day 100 being porn free when I relapsed. My confidence was sky high. So high I felt like I could PMO once without falling off the wagon. Wrong. Today is day 6 and I just don't feel very confident, actually, I have felt like this for the last few weeks. Sad, unenthusiastic, lethargic, fearful are a few words that come to mind.

As I was running on the treadmill at the gym this afternoon I began thinking of my porn habit. It is so hard to give up Porn, really hard. Anybody who says porn is not a true addiction is foolish. When I put my mind to giving up my 11 year Marijuana habit, I did it, and never looked back ( 1 year sober). 10 year Cigarette habit? Done (11 months). My 3 year Meth Habit? No problem (5 years sober). I conquered all those addictions but Porn? Not so much.

Moving forward I would like to forget my past 12 month struggle with giving up porn and focus only on the future. But why? There is so much to learn. Even though the last 12 months feels like a complete waste of time, I believe there are a few lessons worth noting.
-Don't lose sight of why I quit P in the 1st place.
-No PMOing "just this 1 time" or " ive been sober so long 1 time wont hurt" thoughts.
-Days and weeks after M or O, be extra careful with the "chaser" effect.
-Don't drink alcohol.
-Stay in touch with the support from reuniting.info and lose sight of how I got this far in the 1st place. ( you guys are indeed awesome) :)

Another day 100 and beyond here I come! 3 weeks of no school will give me so time to recoop and get my mind right before next semester. I need to use this time wisely.

-Merry Xmas all

Comments

Be gentle with yourself

Remember that porn is hijacking your healthy instincts for finding a mate, so of course it's tough to give up...unless you start flirting with potential mates. Seriously, you have to fill the gap with more contact with real people.

Merry Christmas yourself! Smile
*big hug*

Reaching 100+ days

is one hell of an accomplishment. You should be proud of what you've achieved. I agree that quitting porn for good is difficult but if you can go over three months, you are getting very close to the finish line. [tanz]

Hope you have a great xmas.

Did you ever think: "well

Did you ever think: "well I'm clean from meth for so long I won't relapse if I just tried it once"? Probably not. This very thought is an indication that the addictive processes are still at work.

It's a simple choice situation: porn <-> real sex

I guess for us (ex)addicts there is no consensus possible in this.

And I agree that giving this up is maybe the hardest thing in the world as sexuality is part of our very nature. It feels 'unnatural' to quit PMO.. but I can tell you that even this feeling is subject to change if you keep trying long enough.

Congratulate yourself on how

Congratulate yourself on how far you made it and push with all your might to get further. Remember that marathon runners often take month long breaks from training so that they can beat their previous streak of performance increases with a rebooted system. Not to say jacking off is a way to reboot, but relapses can have their purpose in keeping one sane. Best of luck!