Day 6 of no PMO, again. Many things have changed in the last few months. I was well over day 100 being porn free when I relapsed. My confidence was sky high. So high I felt like I could PMO once without falling off the wagon. Wrong. Today is day 6 and I just don't feel very confident, actually, I have felt like this for the last few weeks. Sad, unenthusiastic, lethargic, fearful are a few words that come to mind.
As I was running on the treadmill at the gym this afternoon I began thinking of my porn habit. It is so hard to give up Porn, really hard. Anybody who says porn is not a true addiction is foolish. When I put my mind to giving up my 11 year Marijuana habit, I did it, and never looked back ( 1 year sober). 10 year Cigarette habit? Done (11 months). My 3 year Meth Habit? No problem (5 years sober). I conquered all those addictions but Porn? Not so much.
Moving forward I would like to forget my past 12 month struggle with giving up porn and focus only on the future. But why? There is so much to learn. Even though the last 12 months feels like a complete waste of time, I believe there are a few lessons worth noting.
-Don't lose sight of why I quit P in the 1st place.
-No PMOing "just this 1 time" or " ive been sober so long 1 time wont hurt" thoughts.
-Days and weeks after M or O, be extra careful with the "chaser" effect.
-Don't drink alcohol.
-Stay in touch with the support from reuniting.info and lose sight of how I got this far in the 1st place. ( you guys are indeed awesome) :)
Another day 100 and beyond here I come! 3 weeks of no school will give me so time to recoop and get my mind right before next semester. I need to use this time wisely.
-Merry Xmas all