gave her an orgasm, oh my

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Submitted by emerson on
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So I haven't orgasmed in a few weeks or so and don't plan on it. Each day Sparkles and I are in bed snuggling and at some point I'll enter her for a bit. It's been magnificent but she says that she feels a bit pressured by me.

So today we were snuggling for the second time today, and she started to really respond. I asked her if she wanted an orgasm and she said yes so I went down on her and helped her get there and wow was that fun. She said, "occasionally I'll have an orgasm" and that's fine with me.

Then I asked if I could enter her and she said yes. I felt for the first time more truly welcomed.

I didn't feel any more interested in having one myself. We are having sex every day these days which I didn't dream of a month ago. Several times a day sometimes and I am encouraged that she is more and more open and I think this "pressure" thing is fading away.

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Just be alert

that her mood *may* show uncharacteristic "ripples" over the next couple of weeks - which may put your lovemaking completely out of sync. If so...back off, wait patiently, avoid escalating any drama, and realize that things will sort out when her neurochemistry is back to equilibrium.

thank you! This is something

thank you!

This is something I am going to be aware of. Your book made it clear to me and was something I never noticed or would have noticed. "Avoid escalating any drama" -- how wonderfully apt that is LOL!

It was really, really fun but I want to see how things work without orgasm on her part. OTOH it's what she wants and who am I to deny her that? This stuff is really a blast.

The big dynamic now is my comparatively great neediness and her feeling of "pressure" from me. I am just going with that flow as best I can and it's working out well but I can't help but think that without orgasm on her part it might work out a lot better a lot quicker.

I *am* very desirous of snuggling and being with her physically right now. This morning was the first time she didn't want to snuggle when she woke up. Interesting...

You are becoming

a sexual jedi. Smile

Yeah, that desire not to cuddle (all of a sudden) is classic. Don't take it personally.

Maybe offer her favorite non-sexual touch once a day...and don't overdo it at first. Also be aware that she may crave *more* stimulation when she *does* want some. That will seem like a great idea to you probably ;-). However, more intense or frequent orgasms will not necessarily "satisfy" her more. She may just get crankier, moodier and more demanding (in or out of bed). I remember back in the day (before I learned any of this...) that I would begin to see my partner as a giant tongue...and be furious that he "obviously didn't care about my satisfaction" unless we stayed in bed the whole day.

Of course, I'm exaggerating...but it's very easy for a numbed brain to think its happiness lies in more and more stimulation. It's a downward spiral for some of us. Better to offer more frequent, but less intense, affection. That's the way to return the brain to normal sensitivity.