Got up late today and -you probably know the feeling- didn't feel that energetic: the day after NYE. Innocent headache: check.
There could have been a better time, but I decided to study a bit anyway. I kind of started to touch my genitals a little, unconsciously, but stopped quickly and tried to refocus. That's when my mind went to this hot girl I know, but who I don't see often so I haven't had the chance to have a decent chat with her yet. But then I noticed I got vastly aroused about the thought of me having sex with her. I was probably triggered a bit because of the earlier touching. I doubted if I should act on this fantasy, but man.... I was horny and lazy, so I tried out another porn-free masturbation.
Didn't took me longer than a minute. Just the thoughts of me touching her brests really got me going. Ok, I know this still is a fantasy what I'm acting on, but it's not really an unrealistic one (I hope, haha) or porn related, and especially, far different from the kind of porn I was watching.
So I think I can be glad that these natural triggers seem to do it again. Probably still can be triggered by porn though, but at certain moments I'm very sensitive for these natural thoughts.
Now I'm thinking of cutting back on the masturbation though. Last week, I felt a little more social discomfort than earlier in my reboot. My mind seems to work slower sometimes, it takes me too much time to formulate my thoughts, like when I'm typing this or sending an email. I can say my mood dropped a little, compared to the cheerful, sensitive and carefree state I was in some weeks ago.
So to crank things up a little, my challenge is to abstain from masturbation again (I made it to 67 days earlier). And to break away from all porn-related, HOCD thoughts popping up in my mind from time to time. Looking out for chasers now...
I have to ask, are there any others out here who plan on abstaining from any masturbation permanently, in order to feel comfortable with themselves?
All the best.
And of course, lots of joy in kicking porn in 2012!