2011 in Review

Submitted by freedom on
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It’s been a strange year with things happening beyond my control that might have directly contributed to slowing down progress here and in life in general. Concussions don’t help brain plasticity and addiction control. Who can really know for sure? Overall, I’m not sure where I am. Some changes I’ve undertaken made this easier and others perhaps harder. It’s tough to guess where I’ll be next year, but at least I know where I’ve been. It’s interesting to revisit by notes to compile this data. The progress is apparent, but so is the lack of progress. Reliving parts of this even in this limited way is not fun.

The numbers are approximate due to the nature of the process. In 2011, I was PMO free about 83% of the days versus 63% for the last two thirds of 2010. There was a 50% year over year reduction in what was already reduced use of porn and porn-esque things such as craigslist. I can’t count online dating if that is for the purpose of healthy relating. Similarly, there was roughly a doubling in the average duration between use, which was mostly MO. Alas, because I’m a geek and wanted to delve into this in a way that gets beyond the limitations of averages, here’s a histogram. I was never much of a binger, but the pattern of back-to-back use is lessoning. This comparison also isn’t perfect as it is skewed by some long abstinences. The data supports what I already knew for me in that getting past a week and then past two weeks makes things much easier. It’s a very inertial process, especially after any stronger stimuli.

Days Between Use* Frequency
2011 2010
0 17 27
1 11 12
2 8 8
3 6 5
4 5 2
5 3 1
6 4 3
More 8 1

*Date difference-1, such that use on back-to-back days is a 0, while a gap of more than one day, but less than two is a 1, and so on.

Comments

Oh crap! I thought I was

Oh crap! I thought I was the only weirdo to do this! Ive been using excel too. This is a good way to compare you have here.

If one way be better than another, that you may be sure is nature's way.
-Aristotle

I don't use excel until the

I don't use excel until the annual recap. Until then, it's a text file. It's important to track circumstances, emotions, etc., perhaps more so than getting the data for this semi-scientific report. To make the histograms one needs to enable the Analysis ToolPak add-in for Excel. You can customize the bin size which is the days between use here. In theory, I could go down to the hour I guess. That would eliminate the need to do date difference-1. We need orgasm meters that keep track of all this for us.

This is tough to do accurately because even if I accurately recorded every event, categorizing them is not easy. Seriously, a news site could be porn-esque. It's a rough indicator at best. And the nature of this process sends me diving into all sorts of random places, which can be tempting depending on what else is going on and how sensitive I am. There's ultimately no perfection. At some point, there's not a whole lot of abstinence ground to gain beyond no orgasm at all which doesn't seem like the right direction for me. That's sort of where I am and part of my general frustrations at the moment.

Yes, there are at least two weirdos on this planet. It's probably a good mindset to think that no matter what there's another one out there.

Wait, you had a concussion?

Wait, you had a concussion? I did too about a year and a half ago. I felt like I was affected for a long time. Yes, you are right, it doesnt help at all. Mine was pretty bad, I had retrograde amnesia for several hours. I couldnt think straight for days. Got beat up at a redneck bar for talking to the wrong girl. Dont go into those places shining off of 3 weeks of abstinence, you'll attract as many fists as you will vaginas:)

If one way be better than another, that you may be sure is nature's way.
-Aristotle

Glad you kept your humor

[quote=Rockhardington] Dont go into those places shining off of 3 weeks of abstinence, you'll attract as many fists as you will vaginas:)
[/quote]

Glad you kept your humor about it. I was going 4+ months until then. I didn't fall apart right away after the initial orgasm when barely awake, but that makes sense as concussive symptoms don't always set in immediately. Some do and some don't. I remember when yours happened, but until one lives through this it's tough to comprehend what another might be experiencing. I've had to rebuild my model that got me there, but it's not been easy. It's been complex to figure out do to a female in the picture that created a lot of confusion in me. We didn't have a relationship beyond spending some time together so I think she just triggered things in me.

Did you notice anything you could directly connect to this process? I've tried and it is tough. There must be some plasticity connections and possibly frontal cortex issues depending on the concussion. There are social aspects too as a concussion is an isolating experience.