I started to masturbate when I was maybe 11 and quickly found fantasies to masturbate with, in Penthouse and a book called The _______.
I guess very early maybe 4 or 5 I didn't realize it but I found sexual pleasure in domination themes. I think this is built in somehow. So when I discovered the written word and pornographic stories I gravitated to those that had an S&M component.
Ditto with pornographic movies and videos although I never really got into these so much. I would use pornographic stories and read them and masturbate to these, often over an hour or two.
I think this is exactly what caused me to have ED problems when I first started trying to have sex with real girls. Eventually I met my wife and she helped me through this but I continued the masturbation and written porn habit.
Sex with my wife became less exciting. First, she wouldn't do the things in the stories. Second, it grew boring in any event. Third, her drive was never anywhere near mine so frequency wasn't there. I enjoyed the sex a lot but started to find that I had to introduce things like spanking into the equation.
She went along but wasn't into it much. Then I'd borrow something else from the porn stories I had been reading and introduce that into our lovemaking.
It wasn't very satisfying and it wasn't frequent enough and I could see this as being a huge issue as I am not a person who just puts up with something. I have to make it better, make it right, work on it.
I quit this whole M and P thing about 3 or 4 weeks ago and it was easy. I think this is for several reasons.
Number one, I wasn't hooked on visuals. Never cared for them, either still pix or videos. So my imagination was always more engaged and somehow this made quitting easier.
Number two, and this is the biggie, I started Kerezza sex with my wife, at least the "male continence" kind. And this has given me a sense of sense of ecstasy that has made the old type of sex not even a tenth of one percent as good.
She was amazed I was giving up orgasm. But I have explained to her how this is so much better that it is indescribably wonderful and I haven't given up anything, I've only received a tremendous gift.
I think that if you are having big recovery issues, if you do a lot of cuddling and bonding with someone it will make it so much easier.
I used to think that lying in bed with a woman without sex would be frustrating and make things worse. But the opposite is true. It makes me feel sexually satiated even if we don't have (non orgasmic in my case) intercourse at all. The focus of my sexual life has moved to her and to everything she means to me in an indescribable way and neither P nor M have any significance in this scheme of things.
I hope this helps you in some way.