I feel a weird energy lately that seems new. I’ve had my share of withdrawal before so I’m confused. I’m in the thick of withdrawal time-wise, but this feels different. I felt something coming before my last relapse and at that point of roughly a month, I would have had reasonable clarity. It doesn’t feel like anxiety in the sense that it seems more active and heart centered and less withdrawing and gut centered. It waxes and wanes throughout the day and through it all I’m actually quite tired, sleeping more than usual, but perhaps resting less. It’s very difficult to work when I’m dealing with this energy and also difficult to work when tired from it. It seems like a very creative energy that I’m not sure how to process into a usable form. It’s not mind racing, but perhaps body racing to fuel the mindbody’s processes. Exercising helps a bit, but not quite enough. Maybe I need more intense exercise. The energy just does what it wants, when it wants. It seems like my mind is controlling the energy, yet I don’t understand why my mind is inducing this within the body. The energy also feels incomplete or perhaps imbalanced or in the wrong proportions to use it in any real way.
At the moments of high energy, I feel slightly closer to some breakthrough point, but that point eludes me. I can have rather novel ideas even by my standards in which random creative ideas often flow. I’m tempted to follow one of these ideas, but they seem strange in many ways. For example, one was writing a book about which I seem to know nothing other than the title. Many of my ideas are ideas for improving the world and things in it, but these seem to be ideas to create from scratch. The energy seems to want to shape me by shaping my output. Could this be kundalini related?
Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips? Maybe I need to meditate through this energy. I can get into intense concentration and then it almost disappears, but when I come out of the concentration, it can be even worse. I’m also a bit less willing to deal with the issues in my life I’ve tolerated until now.