♥my wife and I reached an agreement

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Sparkles was deeply worried that I would be unhappy now that I quit masturbating and am looking solely to our sexual union to meet my needs.

I in turn became very clingy and needy and altogether unpleasant.

We had some conversations about it. I said, let's try to have regular snuggly time, with or without intercourse, every day, before bedtime and upon waking.

She said, that seems too rules based and mechanical.

I said, there is always a rule book whether we express it explicitly or not. Let's call it an arrangement. And since I am always ready, you are the one in control, really.

I said, let's do this for 3 weeks and see what happens. Maybe you will begin to feel the way I do, or maybe not, but just give me 3 weeks.

She said, okay.

So we started.

The first morning wasn't great. I think the fact that I woke her up had something to do with it :D

I promised not to wake her up again.

But by the evening she was very friendly and happy I think to snuggle and she invited me inside her and we had a great time. Without orgasm on my part of course, and without hers either. We carried on for a bit until I sensed she wanted to move on.

Then she wanted to read, and was I think pleased to see that I was happy for her to do whatever pleases her. We both read for awhile while we snuggled and she fell asleep. After a bit I took her reading glasses off her face and gently lay her head down and said goodnight.

Altogether a fantastic day.

Since we had this arrangement, I wasn't clingy or demanding either yesterday nor will I be today. What a relief.

This morning was very nice. We don't sleep together because I sleep sitting up in a chair, so she came downstairs and invited me up to the bed and we snuggled for a bit. Then she said she wanted to get up and we did.

I can feel a huge difference.

As Darryl would say, space has opened up here for her. This is great, really great. I am not anxious anymore and I think it has taken this turn of events to get to this point.

We'll see how things go. I'm a bit apprehensive because I have to take a business trip next week and will be away from my sweetie for three days, but oh well.



health is the short answer

Sleeping while sitting up is immeasurably better for health than sleeping in a bed. I sleep in a recliner that is slightly reclined. I am in perfect health and take zero medications and almost never get sick. I almost never have to see a doctor for any reason.

Pretty interesting about

Pretty interesting about sleeping in a chair. I'm not sure about the health benefits.. With a good matress there should be no pressur on your back. Sleeping while lying also puts less strain on the heart, the heart has to pump harder when you are sitting/standing compared to lying.

Health is much better

Health is much better sitting up because when you lie down you hyperventilate. Sitting up when you sleep makes this a lot better. I don't believe we are designed to sleep in beds and through much of history we slept in a sitting position.

That's what led to me sleeping away from my wife.

Wise choice

I think that giving her the control over the intercouse is a wise choice. This really gives her that space I was talking about. Good call, buddy. I also think its good to meet in the middle and having her give you regular cuddle time is good as well. You are both stretching. This is what makes a marriage in my opinion.


Weve had a number of different 'pre arrangements', and I can attest to their usefulness. The best we've come up with so far is to take turns, on a weekly basis. For example, last week belonged to my wife. She decided the tempo of our intimate connection for those seven days. She determined, and initiated, whatever contact we enjoyed - over and above our normal day to day kisses and touches. This week has been my turn. What this means in practice is we each have the chance to express what we would like, and cause it to come about, as well as learn to appreciate and enjoy what the other wants, when it's their turn. 

Most of the time we want much the same thing, but I've tended to want it more often than my wife. This sharing of the decision making has ensured more equilibrium.

Nothing's ever plain sailing; but over the last few years I've been astonished how helpful bringing conscious consideration to our previously haphazard, largely unconscious 'scheduling' of desire - from recognition, through initiation, to fulfillment - has been.