I think one of the most lethal things that porn does to us is to create expectations in our "real" love life that can never be met.
The way pornstars love cum, for instance. Not all women love cum, in fact I'm not sure that most do. I don't have enough experience to know, but I doubt it. And the way pornstars do anal. I could go on and on.
And here's how this corrupted our sex life.
I suggested various activities with my lovely wife Sparkles that came (no pun intended) straight out of the porn stories I had been O'ing to. But it was always disappointing.
She was okay with some of them, but it never satisfied at all.
And I felt a sense of shame about it that didn't help my erections. Although we had a decent sex life relative to most people our age, I would say it wasn't that satisfying for no reason other than that I had this secret life, and was always comparing the situations in the stories I read in my secret life with my real life and real wife. And those things we tried never met the standards of the sex story fantasies.
This is why I am very careful now to not read anything that can be a trigger. Even a sentence somewhere and instantly I am aware of some part of my brain recalling a situation or a story. A few posts here on this site have done that to me and I avoided reading the rest as soon as I perceived this.
The "Red X" can be useful sometimes. It's a great technique.
Conscious fantasy versus Spontaneous Fantasy
SOLUTION: I pretty much have stopped consciously entertaining or arousing myself by fantasizing, period.
It feels very natural to avoid this conscious fantasy. You know, the kind where you sit there dreamily engaging in whatever sex or porn story is on your mind or your core fantasy. I've stopped that.
I do of course notice "spontaneous fantasies" crossing into my consciousness but I move on quickly and give them no power. Sometimes I just watch them and they fade away after a few seconds. Sometimes they need to have their life. Especially the ones that are like, I see a woman in a tiny bikini and she is my type, and I imagine, well, I won't go there for you but you know what I mean. I watch that play out and after a few seconds it plays out and is gone.
It's really easy for me to cut out the conscious fantasy and not bring the pornstar stuff into the bedroom, because I did continue having a decent sex life, had erections reliably and reached orgasm inside of Sparkles often (though often needed to masturbate to O afterwards especially in the last few years.)
But it wasn't nearly as satisfying as it is now. It is amazing now and with Karezza I am learning to trust my partner, leave things to her, and see what develops, and avoid being goal oriented and focusing on the "now" and, more than that, on the "real."
What a gift.