Okay so before Christmas I told my girlfriend that I have been battling an addiction with pornography for the entire time we've been dating (three almost four years.) I've been viewing pornagrahy since I was 11/12 I think, I'm 23 now. Now I've relapsed twice since then but have now been Porn free for 2 weeks and the side effects are going crazy. We've had sex maybe 8 times since then and it's been a lot more intimate and loving than it has but I'm very curious if we should abstain altogether. Anyway Here's what I'm feeling:
Cold chills/Hot flashes(i think)
Feeling of absolute dread that will not go away
and the worst of this IMO is guilt, I am a Christian and what I've done to my girlfriend over the past three years haunts me. She has completely forgiven me and feels our relationship is much stronger. However, we had sex recently while I was going through some of my withdrawal symptoms to see if it would help. The sex was great but it seemed as if I wasn't as into it as I should have. In my mind I feel like I'm no longer as attracted to her as before but that's not true since I cannot stand the thought of being anywhere but with her. So I feel disconnected with her because I'm afraid I cannot achieve the same happiness I had with her when all of this was a secret and I was still using Porn on a daily basis.
Is this normal?
I love her and I don't want to feel like she isn't my everything....but these thoughts are incredibly powerful and controlling and I don't know how to dismiss them...I feel so lost and alone.