I'm kind of going crazy and I'm not sure if what I am thinking about is normal or not.

Submitted by slaindragon75 on
Printer-friendly version

Okay so before Christmas I told my girlfriend that I have been battling an addiction with pornography for the entire time we've been dating (three almost four years.) I've been viewing pornagrahy since I was 11/12 I think, I'm 23 now. Now I've relapsed twice since then but have now been Porn free for 2 weeks and the side effects are going crazy. We've had sex maybe 8 times since then and it's been a lot more intimate and loving than it has but I'm very curious if we should abstain altogether. Anyway Here's what I'm feeling:

Depression
Irritable
Cold chills/Hot flashes(i think)
Feeling of absolute dread that will not go away
stomach aches/constipation
and the worst of this IMO is guilt, I am a Christian and what I've done to my girlfriend over the past three years haunts me. She has completely forgiven me and feels our relationship is much stronger. However, we had sex recently while I was going through some of my withdrawal symptoms to see if it would help. The sex was great but it seemed as if I wasn't as into it as I should have. In my mind I feel like I'm no longer as attracted to her as before but that's not true since I cannot stand the thought of being anywhere but with her. So I feel disconnected with her because I'm afraid I cannot achieve the same happiness I had with her when all of this was a secret and I was still using Porn on a daily basis.

Is this normal?
I love her and I don't want to feel like she isn't my everything....but these thoughts are incredibly powerful and controlling and I don't know how to dismiss them...I feel so lost and alone.

i would try this

cuddling and snuggling and holding hands and no orgasms for you, bud. That will help you get over things and deepen your relationship and forgive yourself. It is wonderful and will give you a much easier time with withdrawal also.

Thanks for the feedback.

Thanks for the feedback. We've been doing things similar to this so far for a few weeks. But I definitely think we shouldn't have had sex, cause now I just feel horrible about it. I feel lucky that I have someone to help with this. But man, this depression and 'out of body' feelings are rough. Thanks again.

I'm sorry it's rough

but it would be unusual to be through the ups and downs of withdrawal so soon. Do your best to be patient, and just observe the weird feelings. Your brain is going through a HUGE adjustment, and the center of the changes is a part that has a big influence on mood. Psychotropic drugs for depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, etc. all mess with dopamine...which is what is struggling to come back into balance in your brain.

Be patient. Here's a collection of other guys' symptoms...in case you find it comforting: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.WITHDRAWAL.pdf

Thank you.

I've noticed that my guilt passes and if I talk it out with my gf it goes away a lot faster. I wish I had just quit all three (PMO) at the same time, because now I am all confused as to what to expect. Either way I think me and my girlfriend will be spend A LOT more time with each other watching movies(they help). Thanks for the advice.

I'm still confused.

Does the chaser effect cause people to doubt their relationships and doubt their connection and attraction to their spouse? Possibly because of how impossibly sexy the harem is made to be. Also, how does one avoid the harem if they are literally everywhere? At work, at church, etc. I feel like I cannot escape it and my doubting thoughts at home are over-whelming.

It appears

that there is a natural neurochemical cycle after orgasm...and that the neurochemical fluctuations can be easily projected onto the world around us, including our mates...causing them to look inadequate - in proportion to our own temporary degree of neurochemical black hole. This is often more pronounced during an addiction and during withdrawal (what we call the "chaser"). In normal people with normal sex lives (think 'ancestors', as no one has any idea what "normal" is today), the cycle can be subtle and usually goes unnoticed. But some people have always been more sensitive to it.

If you want to solve the problem, you pretty much have to do it from within, by balancing your own neurochemistry so you project feelings of satisfaction onto your world...instead of feelings of lack and cravings for stimulation. As you say, you'll never avoid the "harem," but as you feel more satisfied, your mate looks better and the harem can be admired from a distance or in a friendly way...without the cravings.

BTW, our book is the long, thorough answer to this question. But here are some posts that will help you understand:
http://www.reuniting.info/orgasms_hidden_cycle
http://www.reuniting.info/passion_cycle

If you want to read about people exploring a way to enjoy frequent sex without this annoying perception shift: http://www.reuniting.info/node/7220

Same symptoms here...

I have been 8 days PMO free and it's been a real roller-coaster ride of dark feelings. I think our problem is due to the nature of the addiction. While watching the YourBrainOnPorn series I was surprised by the fact that guilt and shame are some of the worst emotions for fortifying an addiction. I have been watching P for 14 years and MO for same length of time.

I have been married twice - my 1st rodeo didn't go to well and the love(if you care to call it that) just fizzled.

My second marriage is with my SOULMATE(been 2 yrs.), unfortunately I eventually succumbed to PMO once again. Moreso, I got laid-off from work several months ago and I continued that nasty habit. 8 days ago I decided to break the habit by going cold turkey and it's been a real challenge. Like you, I opened up about my addiction to my wife and we've talked it through. She's been really understanding of why and how I got addicted(that I will share on another post).

Not so much the urge to view P or MO, but the depression is really debilitating and it worries me too. The guilt associated w/ the act all those times she was at work has really cemented a lot of images and they revisit me off and on - but I quickly X out the thought right away and fill my mind w/ thoughts of my beautiful wife.

I remember from the same YBOP series that it mentioned pain could also solidify an image in ones mind. I have since been looking at pictures of my wife and pinching myself (hard) when my mind slips to a harem. It has been working for me and now all I have to do is pinch myself and I see my wife : ).

You have a good girl by your side, who is willing to stick it out w/ you. I hope you both are still together and wish you all the best. If you don't mind sharing your progress thus far, I would really like to hear it.

Your brother in the struggle