My delusion of an attractive appearance to ALL women (Day 20)

Submitted by NonAttatchment on
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What do you guys think goes on in a girls head when she makes eye contact with you?

Im accounting this to me being shy and an introvert (although not painfully so). Is it a normal feeling to think every girl secretly wants to be your girlfriend?

Ive always had a tough time being friends with girls because a) Im always attracted to them. b) I think theyre always attracted to me. I think ive built up this delusion in my head from watching too many movies and not really having many friends that were women. I KNOW this is a delusion because if it were true then I would have had WAY more GFs than the actual number i have had. Im also aware of way to many flaws in my appearance to think this was a case of being stuck up as well. I wish I viewed every woman as a 90 year old great grandma so that maybe I could find it easier to be friends with.

Anybody else out there like me? Beee

Comments

Female perspective

The feeling could be normal for all I know, but it's not realistic or healthy.

Is she smiling at you, listening intently, touching your arm, etc.? Are her feet pointed toward you? Is she ignoring someone else trying to get her attention and focusing on you? She's likely to be interested.

If she's giving one-word answers to questions, keeps her distance, seems distracted, and is focused on someone else, move on - she's probably not into you.

Two more things:

1. Don't beat yourself up about your appearance. Some of the most attractive men I've ever met had plenty of noticeable "flaws" (and some of the world's most beautiful women have little imperfections, too).

2. Don't let on that you find so many girls attractive when you're interacting with one. We all want to feel beautiful and special - like we're THE girl you've wanted to meet all your life.

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I dont really have any issues with trying to figure out if girls finds me attractive or not, I think in this case its more of a matter of changing my perspective I have when meeting women. I think it hurts me because every encounter I have with a woman theres a thought in the back of my head that somehow things will lead to a romantic relationship, when I should just have the mindset that we are two people just having a pleasant conversation and nothing more. The more I think about it, the more I think its normal to a point but if I continually feel this way than thats probably why Ive never really had a true female friend. Probably because theres a subconscious tension because of those vibes im putting out without even realizing it. I think if I had a coversation with a female where there were no intentions and she felt that I had no romantic feelings towards her than we would both feel free to open up to each other.

Thanks for responding.

If she's even make a bit

If she's even make a bit more eye contact then the average stranger, then she's at least somewhat curious.

Also sometimes you can feel women looking at you, but when you make eye contact, they suddenly look away. Definetly keep an eye out for those!

Another female perspective

It is not so much the looks of a guy that are appealing. Seriously, when a guy has real presence, strength, sensitivity, sensuality, confidence, humility, he'll win any competition from good looking guys. Trust me, these virtues are far more gorgeous.
I think that the more I developed a relationship with myself, through creative projects, exercise, meditation, things I enjoyed, time with friends, the less concerned I became with feedback from outside world. (attraction, rejection) Then I was more able to just be myself and not look out for every cue.
Having said that, I agree with high achiever. The one that looks and then looks away, will be one to talk to.

I think that

you are projecting your own desires and avenues of showing attraction onto these women. I'm no psychologist and this is just my opinion, for the record. I do this too, from time to time.

As men, we forget that women are not necessarily attracted by the same things we are. We are much more captivated by appearance and sexuality, whereas women become attracted more through emotional connection and trust. While a woman might find you good looking, it doesn't mean she is actually attracted to you.

Also, when we are attracted to someone, it's easy to turn every little sign into a BIG signal that there is reciprocity there. We want to believe it so bad that we take a little flutter of the eyelashes as a sure sign that they are interested in becoming romantic. It might just be a flutter of the eyelashes, though, and nothing more.

Just remember this: chemistry is hard to find. It's rare. I have dated attractive girls that I had no chemistry with, and chemistry is not something you can force. It takes a lot of searching to find someone you really mesh with.

Relax and take it easy with women. Don't force anything and don't assume anything. If it's right, it's right. Be yourself, be natural, and don't worry about what anyone is thinking. If you do that, it will draw the RIGHT match toward you, and the rest will fall into place.

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[quote=richaroo]
As men, we forget that women are not necessarily attracted by the same things we are. We are much more captivated by appearance and sexuality, whereas women become attracted more through emotional connection and trust. While a woman might find you good looking, it doesn't mean she is actually attracted to you.

Also, when we are attracted to someone, it's easy to turn every little sign into a BIG signal that there is reciprocity there. We want to believe it so bad that we take a little flutter of the eyelashes as a sure sign that they are interested in becoming romantic. It might just be a flutter of the eyelashes, though, and nothing more.

[/quote]
I think you hit the nail on the head with this, I would just change the last part of the 1st sentence to this: "While we might find a woman good looking, it doesn't mean she finds YOU good looking."

This isnt really a problem for me, Its just more of an underlying thing thats always been with me. I think the biggest problem its caused is its held me back from having more girls as friends, not "girlfriends" per say, just friends. I think thats hard for most guys though, to have strictly platonic female friends. I have to catch myself at times when I see a beautiful girl and think to myself "She really doesnt think of you in that way, snap out of it.' Im not thinking shes repulsed by me but that its a long shot she has the same attraction towards me as I have towards her.

thats true

but I think women have it a lot easier in this dept. because almost every guy is going to be the chaser, where as women rarely have to chase men because they usually come to them.

Question

Have you always thought like this or did it come up because of your PMO abstinence? I think it's a great thing that you feel like that! Are you able to approach girls you would like to be your girlfriend? I would say don't go trying to change this mindset.

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No this has nothing to do with my PMO, its just something that Ive always felt. I think I was thinking of it more because I just saw that movie 500 days of summer the other day (great flick). If my personality were different than maybe it would be a help to me, although I think it may transform itself to arrogance if I were to use it in that way. Right now its more of a hindrance for me I think. Its kinda hard to explain. If you were to see Jessica Alba in person and she made eye contact with you, what would be the thoughts going on your head? (Just for example)

i used to

I used to see Facebook profile pictures of women and wonder why they were looking so sexy. Then I realized it wasn't the pictures per se, it was just that I found them sexy.

Thanks for this post N-A.

Thanks for this post N-A. I've struggled with very similar thoughts for a long time, and especially now going through the reboot process (day 34). I feel like signals from women aren't very clear, or get easily misinterpreted. I think sometimes I try too hard to find them.

This morning I was taking a yoga class and next to me was a cute little tatted up female. We were in the beginning pose laying down and my hand touched either her hand or her knee, I'm not sure which. Normally I would have moved it, but instead I just kept it there. She did too. Whoa, it was crazy electric for some reason, just that small gesture.

I'd like to think that was flirty and showing interest, but she didn't even look at me as we left. I feel the same way you do, that women have the same attraction to me as I do them. I wonder if that is the porn or if we men just don't understand women. I also haven't had many girl "friends," but I don't know really any man who does.

I think that one of the keys to finding a good partner is getting over all this and controlling the lusty sex-oriented thinking. Damn I hope this process helps.

And thanks Marnia, it's nice to know that women do the same thing :).

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[quote=mwa]
This morning I was taking a yoga class and next to me was a cute little tatted up female. We were in the beginning pose laying down and my hand touched either her hand or her knee, I'm not sure which. Normally I would have moved it, but instead I just kept it there. She did too. Whoa, it was crazy electric for some reason, just that small gesture.

I'd like to think that was flirty and showing interest, but she didn't even look at me as we left. [/quote]

That reminds me of one of the articles on here about how hugs from different people feel different.

"All of the bonding behaviors listed above are powerful, but touch deserves special consideration because it is a two-edged sword. Touch always has a "charge" to it. As a friend once said, "your hugs feel completely different from my boyfriend’s. You're trying to comfort me. He's trying to get something." Nurturing touch is a life-enhancing gift. Hungry touch can be a drain, and even an invasion."

If you think about it its kinda like the mindframe you have can effect the way you perceive a touch from someone too. You can shake hands with a woman and feel nothing, yet a simple touch of her hand on your arm can feel totally different.