♥ (When?) Will she feel the same about me as I feel about her?

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Submitted by emerson on
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Here's my simple question. I am absolutely crazy about Sparkles since we've been snuggling every day and I've gotten free from orgasm.

Will she feel that way about me?

I don't think she quite does.

She told me "I always feel close to you. Maybe I feel a little closer now" (since we've been doing these bonding behaviors stuff.)

Not that it really matters but I would love it if she begins to have the types of feelings I do these days.

So you Karezzites who have been in committed relationships for awhile...will she or won't she?

Thank you!



Patiently hold the space.

Patiently hold the space. She may sense your pushing and pulling. Thinking she may never feel the same might help her feel similarly sooner. What if she never felt the same? What if she were to feel even stronger and then hold space for you?

I think this is excellent advice

I think the idea that it's better to think she will never feel the same is a good idea.

In our relationship I've always perceived that I am more the passionate one, the doer. I kiss her more than she kisses me, I tell her I love her more often than she tells me, I am more aggressive about initiating sex, I am the only one initiating new behaviors or suggesting new things, etc.

Of course, I really want her to desire me in a big way. I think she does in her quiet way, and I'd love to see that amplified and focused but I don't want her to do anything on my account.

But you are right: Holding space for whatever happens and whatever she feels is more likely to be relaxing and fun than holding onto expectations.

Have you tried taking turns

Have you tried taking turns like in the exchanges? That might be easier for her than meeting you somewhere in the middle. I realize you said you've tried this, but maybe she wasn't fully on board.

What about expressing what you've perceived and then telling her you want to forget your old perceptions and experience what she'd like and is like as if you just met. More game/play and less thinking might make it easier for her to unknowingly come along. What do I know? I'm learning from you.

My partner doesn't

My partner doesn't participate here, or read reuniting regularly, though he will read any post or article that show to him. He has not read Marnia's book. We didn't do the exchanges. He's read some of one of the Richardson's books on his kindle, but it was too "woo woo new age mumbo jumbo" for him, so he didn't finish it. I read them all, even though I thought the same as he did. That doesn't mean he hasn't felt the benefits, or has any doubt that this is a better way, but for him, it's been slower, and more gradual, and he's let me suggest things for us to try. I'm still noticing changes in myself, and depths of feeling that I didn't feel earlier on, so I'm not at all worried or in any hurry to get 'someplace'. I'm not sure there is someplace we're going with this. We're coming up on two years of 'experimenting' with Karezza. I say experimenting, since it's not like it's a science, but we can't imagine that we'll go back to regular sex, since we both like this so much better.

I just asked him why it was OK with him, that I've been the one to 'guide us' along this path, and he said that the why or how it works didn't matter, making love and living this way makes us both happier, and so that's good enough for him.

I would say that it was year before I was sure this was absolutely the right way to live, but other folks noticed that we looked "wonderfully happy together" around the 6 month mark. Keep going with this through a couple more seasons, and see if she doesn't "sparkle" even more. She might even notice it in the mirror herself. I did.


thank you Quizure

This is very much my experience so far also about my wife's involvement so far, although it is very early days. My partner isn't interested in reading and she isn't interested in talking about this either really.

I think she is shy about talking about sex and about her own wants and needs, not used to expecting them to be met, nor exploring them all that much. I think this is a wonderful opportunity for her to blossom and I will just see where that goes. I have to be careful not to expect her to do anything, really. Just be in a state of watching what happens and enjoying myself and the journey.

When will she feel the same?

When will she feel the same? When you fully relax about it. Polarity, polarity, its the relationship dance. The sooner you let go of ALL expectations the sooner she'll move to the center and give you exactly what you want. She will have to. Your change will change everything, but it has to be true change. Not, I'll change so I can get what I want, but I'll change because thats the step I need to take for me. Her under enthusiasm matches your over enthusiasm. If you want to see where your at just look at where she's at and you'll know where your are, just the opposite polarity. Actually you and her are in excellent balance, just not the balance you prefer right now.

OK, I'll confess something. When I'm not getting what I want in my relationship I really, really, really want to say, "its you", but damn, I know thats not the way it works. If I'm not getting what I want its because I'm actually holding it in that position and pretending its not me doing it. The down side is its a bitch to own what you've created. The upside is, since its your creation you can change it any time you choose to move to a new position. You'll get what you want, just concentrate more on YOUR movement and less on her's. Its actually the fastest way to get her to change. Ahh, life is such a wonderful paradox!

spot on Darryl

You put it so beautifully Darryl and even I get it.

Thank you.

I want what she wants. In other words, I want to stop imposing my will on her and start listening to what her desires are. That's my want right now.

Today I asked her, can I put my penis in, and she said she'd rather not right now. I was happy she expressed her desire to me. Then we snuggled a bit more, got up and we are going for a walk together.

All to say that I have a strong personality (you may have noticed :) ) and it's gratifying for me to step back and see where she really wants to go without my controlling or manipulative ways. And that's what I'm feeling right now...the joy of that, just to see what unfolds. Not to get anything. I am convinced this is heading in such a right direction over time that all I have to do is be open to what happens and relax into it.