Why I no longer masturbate

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Submitted by emerson on
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It's been maybe 60 days and I haven't once masturbated.

If you had asked me NOT to masturbate for 60 days in a row, anytime in the past, I would have said, are you NUTS?

Masturbation helped me go to sleep. It made me feel less like bothering my wife for sex she didn't want to have (you know, a woman with a weaker sex drive wink wink). Before marriage it made it far more manageable to be single and hardly ever be with a woman in any way.

But, it's been 60 days and I don't miss it at ALL.

No porn either, by the way. Occasionally something is a bit of a trigger and I *think* about masturbating but I never do it. Even lying at night when I sleep nude I don't feel any urge to touch my penis in a self pleasuring way and I don't.

So how did this big change come about? Something I did almost every day, or several times a day, with ejaculation, for all those decades and now I don't do it anymore?

And why don't I do it anymore?

The answer is that it is far far better now that I don't masturbate. I feel much more sexual pleasure than I did before. It is far, far more exciting in my sex life than it ever was. And oh, by the way, I am avoiding orgasms during sex too. No orgasms for emerson.

We practice Karezza. Guess what? I was having sex twice a week. Now it's been every day for the past four days and with all likelihood of continuing. I never thought I'd be having sex every day. And very wonderful, pleasurable sex that just goes on and on in the most wonderful, melting way.

It is MUCH better this way, a hundred times more pleasurable and lasts much longer and is just amazing.

And I have much more business focus and am more clear headed. It is really incredible, how much more confidence I feel and how much better I feel about life, how much more relaxed.

And I am ready for sex at a moment's notice. All the time. And the time with my wife always feels a bit like sex now. It just isn't ordinary. It is so much more special than it ever was except maybe when we first met and even then not as good as it is now.

All this from not masturbating and from not having orgasms and from engaging in bonding behaviors.

I just want to encourage you if you're having a tough time. The best thing you are ever doing is to eliminate porn, avoid masturbation at first and then make it as infrequent as is reasonable, and sublimate your sexual drives into your work and play and real life.

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Comments

twentyfive

I hear you! The first time I read about the concept of sex without going for orgasm, I was flabbergasted. Especially because it was in a book by a man...for men! [schock] It was this book: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/sources/mantak_chia_taoist_secrets_of_love

But finally I got desperate enough to ask a partner to try it, and that was the beginning of a fascinating journey...all of which is recounted in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow (first chapter here: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/CH1.rev.pdf )

Keep in mind that if your body "needs" an orgasm, it'll have one. It even sneaks up on us once in long while.

In any case, it pays to explore a bit. We've all been fed the idea that there can never be any such thing as too much sexual stimulation, but it's turning out that for some brains, that's simply not true. Balance is more beneficial than getting caught in a chaser cycle where you just feel more and more dissatisfied.

emerson wrote: And I am

[quote=emerson]
And I am ready for sex at a moment's notice. All the time. And the time with my wife always feels a bit like sex now. It just isn't ordinary. It is so much more special than it ever was except maybe when we first met and even then not as good as it is now.
[/quote]

This has been our experience exactly. We did have sex everyday for quite awhile after initiating Karezza, a kind of resurgent honeymoon period, where we couldn't get enough of the deliciousness. But then it seemed to infuse all our interactions, even as mundane as taking lunch together, or grocery shopping. Cuddling daily, and recharging fully 3 or 4 times a week has been what has worked for the last 10 months or so, instead of the daily sex. It'll be interesting to see what you find as you both move along in your Karezza adventure.

Quizure

Generator Room

Reading Emerson's piece made me smile. Today I realized that Karezza seems to be an ever expanding spiral of light and love. I told my wife what I was feeling about all this and she said, "you gotta write that down so I can read it if you pass on to the Great Beyond anytime soon." Okay, so here goes...

When I finally stopped the habit of masturbation and orgasm the natural biogenic energy from "out there" just started incremently growing around me. It sometimes feels like there is a secret generator room inside my base chakra and it's constantly humming, pulsating, buzzing. Though I'd felt it before during meditation, yoga and fasting, it never really lasted more than a few hours. Now, with Karezza practice added to the mix, I'm to the point in my life where all I sense is that generator room flowing below the surface. I am always aware of it. And that makes me WANT to be affectionate, kind, and considerate to her all the time. Then the more she feels that from me, the more tunred on she is and wants to touch me, feel me close and have sex. Then that feeds the generator room in me even more and I become more attentive, attractive, generous. I just want to be with her and talk and hold hands, sip wine, play music, walk and talk some more, and make love and... I honestly don't think this will end. It is the theshold to true knowledge, of communion with the divine presence with one person. It is truly the manifestation of a Holy Realtionship.

I'm aware of energy all the time also

It didn't start with Karezza but I am always aware of energy kind of in my brain, very impossible to explain, and kind of an openness in my stomach, which I suppose is the chakra thing you are talking about. I have found that this awareness of the energy makes working almost effortless and is responsible for creating a huge amount of wealth and health in my life. Weird but true. I have only told a few people this and they don't get it.

Just now reading this post~

I somehow missed this post, but I love what you said here, KevinJ.

It's a perfect description of how, through loving sex, a woman finds her sensual side and a man finds his loving side~~this happens because you help each other become a balanced human being. You each take on the best qualities of both the masculine and feminine.

Beautifully said, KevinJ!

Great dialogue! This is very

Great dialogue! This is very hard to understand until you try it. It seems so opposite to all our beliefs about sexuality and the pursuit of pleasure being orgasm focused. The initial thought is ... Wow, that must be so frustrating , not to reach climax... and actually the opposite is true. And, so what, if one or both of you orgasm...just be aware of the chemical effect on your brain following orgasm.

it's been like a duck to water for me

It's been exceptionally easy for me.

And it's very satisfying, incredibly satisfying. But like this morning, I felt very connected, at peace and satisfied, YET I was ready to go do it all again if she had wanted to. I said, "tell me when you want to just get up," and she did, and we got up, and I felt (and feel) wonderful. No frustration, like a huge release but one that doesn't drain or alter my feelings for her or for life.

What I want to emphasize is this. Non-orgasmic means MORE pleasure, infinitely more, than with orgasm. And incredibly satisfying compared to orgasms.

Excellent

Excellent explanation!!!

When I played competitive sports in my youth, our very "old-school" football head coach would really lecture us on the depletion of our mental and physical strength if we were having sex leading up to our games. It was a tough audience about 60 young men age 18-22, but for the most part I followed his lecture. As a result I started and played every game over a two year period although only 5'8".

Too bad after quitting football I got addicted to orgasms!!!

just a quick follow up

still haven't masturbated or looked at porn and it's been now about 90 days. I did feel a strong urge today, actually, but I resisted. It was weird, a ripple that came back. I was surfing Google investigating some things for a project of mine and I came across some triggers. And I was in that mood anyway and by myself. Didn't do anything though. Just moved on. It's *so* much better this way.

I think it's a combination of feeling really angry, almost unaccountably, and that created that state of mind for me to want to masturbate.

I'll say it once again for the guys here to recover from porn -- it is MUCH better to have a partner to snuggle with and cuddle with and all of that, in terms of recovery. It makes it so very easy compared to going it alone. I spend a good 60 minutes a day with my wife cuddling and often having non-orgasmic intercourse and it has made giving up masturbation and porn quite easy.

Today was illustrating how when things are mentally tough, it is most tempting to relapse.