Bending the rules

Submitted by fleur_rare on
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Hello there, I just want to share some of my experiences with the Exchanges.
I protected the rules of the exchanges a lot. If you want the real cake, you have to stick to the recipe...

But even if it did not feel like bending the rules so much, I see now quite clearly, that we did it in some ways (with all the hurting separation-fallout that it causes):

1. There is not too much perspective for this relationship: "Romance-junky" as I found out while reading the book - which highly alerted me and I discussed not to try the exchanges at all. (We were reading the website at the same time and both wanting to give it a try.) We decided to stay together for about 4 weeks. My motivation: Developing more of the flow of love, life and spiritual evolution. His motivation: Healing himself of psychic confusion.
We are living in different countries (about 460 miles apart) with different languages spoken. I don't speak his mother-language, he does not speak mine, we talk english. There is a huge age-difference (much younger male). We know each other for 5 months now and started "as usual" (sexually).

2. Starting the exchanges in the hangover-phase of both of us, because the meeting had to be scheduled. (me 9th day after last orgasm, him 8th day)
During our stay together he had a (non-ejaculating-in-reality) dream orgasm (his 16th day after the last orgasm, our 9th day of staying together). We still continued the exchanges - a bit slower then.

3. Checklist Number 1 was warning to start if not checked with yes all over.
He did not check three of the items: -the generously giving, -the let go of all expectations/past learning, -the when no exchange then time-out before go to sleep. I checked all of them willingly.

4. Checklist Number 2 warned to continue to the Healing phase if not checked properly.
-Feel adored and at ease when you end a snuggle? (no full yes from both of us)
-Experience feelings of resentment toward your partner. (no full no from both of us)
(we had no more time to stay together and we wanted to know what it feels like)

Besides that I was guarding very much to stick to the exchanges exactly. Not go on if somebody does not want to, do them in the line they were there, do them as they are described etc. pp. (much to his irritation: "all the strict and very artificial framework the book proposes")

We went on to exchange Nr 16 (first intercourse exchange), then I had to leave.
The night after my departure he had another (this time strong and ejaculating) dream orgasm and masturbated once ("because the dammage is done already").

Since then (3 days ago) he's distancing himself, feeling better in his world, continuing long postponed things (before the exchanges he was absolutely stuck and unable to go on with his life, lying around the most of the day) and talking about finding somebody else...
"The only thing that made me to keep up was the hope to heal with exchanges." (Ouch...!)
"I am glad that we still had the intercouse (...), our connecting seemed to fill me with energy and focus."

Yes... reminds me of the Tao-Vampires... I, myself, feel drained and hurt and sad and used and worn out and thrown away after use once again in my life. (please no "could-have-told-you"s, I feel so stupid already, I could have told me myself it seems)

I've been dedicating myself to spiritual growth for some years now and had decided not to step into any sexual relationship anymore. Marnia, you teached me otherwise, I believe in this approach. And it had some immediate benefits for me, too, during the exchanges (which I can post in the "heureka"-section of this forum later).

So this might remind everybody where it leads bending the rules, even just a bit here and there and now and then...