Submitted by packmandaniel on
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Hi

It is a sensitive issue but I am in a problem and nothing like Internet to discuss things in anonymity. My problem is that my gf is one of those rare women who are multi orgasmic.

While this makes for great sex, but she wants more when I am spent. I feel bad for her as she remains unsatisfied. I have heard that there are some stimulants available which can make me ready for next rounds early.

Hi there,

While the internet is great, I think you have found the wrong site if you want a recommendation for stimulants.

If you look around this site a bit, you will see that it is devoted to explaining the benefits of making love *without* conventional orgasm, multiple or otherwise. Although your desire to satisfy your girlfriend is commendable, according to the information on this site, giving her more orgasms is unlikely to achieve that in the long run. On the other hand, if you're interested in how both of you can feel more satisfied through gentle lovemaking without orgasm, by all means stick around and learn!

You might also

find this thread from a tantra site on point: http://www.aypsite.org/T50.html. I suspect other threads at that site would have a lot of techniques you'd find helpful, too.

Orgasm creates DIS-satisfaction. That's why you'll never satisfy her. I know that sounds weird, but each orgasmic "satisfaction" is followed by neurochemical changes that can alter one's natural libido in unexpected ways. We can become "insatiable" or, paradoxically, "turned off" toward sex. And both are related to the orgasm cycle. It's a lot longer than "orgasm - refractory period." It can affect us for days. Have a look at: http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain

Proving Potency and Receptivity

Your very brief description of your lovemaking with your girlfriend leaves the impression that it is your job to serve her and that there is some implied danger in her leaving because you cannot serve her completely. Again - this is just an impression, but it seems that her need to be satisfied is largely selfish. True, you probably enjoy her orgasmic ability and benefit from it as well - in the sense of feeling like a stud. I would also suggest that part of the selfishness of a woman having many orgasms is not always so much to share with the partner, but the need to confirm and verify over and over that she is responsive, and therefore the ultimate woman. What I am talking about here is the function that sex has for people to feel secure in their desirability. So, there's nothing wrong with people needing to feel secure, but ultimately sexuality has a lot more to offer.

Probably because you consider here to be "one of the few" women who are multi-orgasmic, you don't want to lose her no matter how demanding she is, because she is seen as unique in her sexual capacity. Actually, I believe that all women have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, and that this would not be so rare if it were not for the considerable psychological and physical mistrust that many women have of men. But - to overcome this inability to have orgasm as a woman and then to use it for purely selfish motives is an ironic twist of fate indeed, tho not one that men are entirely undeserving of.

This site is primarily about shifting to generosity and away from performing. On the one hand performing can feel generous at times - him: "Look how many orgasms I'll give you! (I must really be a stud)" and her: "Look how many orgasms you can give me and I can give to you! (I must be a really responsive woman, and therefore a real woman)" My point is only that the subtheme of what initially looks like generosity is actually just a self-absorbed need on the part of both the man and the woman to prove themselves to eachother, and more importantly, prove themselves to themselves. Again, nothing so terribly wrong with that, but a focus on that seems to significantly distract from the other forms of sharing available through sex, and especially nonorgasmic sex.

I realize I may be making a lot of assumptions about your relationship with your girlfriend. Perhaps its a truly generous and loving relationship, and she's only demanding and unsatisfied and selfish in bed. I only point these things out from my own experiences going from not having orgasms through sex, to being orgasmic and then multiorgasmic, to ejaculating, and then back again full circle to choosing not to have orgasms. No doubt, the man felt studyly when I came and came again, and I felt like quite the woman, but the human aspect was largely missing, and the focus was still on the self. On the other hand, when we choose to forego performance, we lose none of our manliness or womanliness, but instead get to savor down to the most subtle dewdrop of expression what this really means - to be a man and a woman holding space together, to be a man and a woman equally matched in capacity for enjoyment and love, to be a man a woman able to stay fully present with one another and hold still and clear within the inescapable fact of their mutual potency. As it is now, your girlfriend has defeated you. And strangely, the solution is not for you to work harder and harder at proving your skill at holding your power, but for HER to prove her skill at holding it too. Sex happens between two people, after all. The weight shouldn't be entirely upon YOUR shoulders.

And that's ultimately what's off about proving potency through giving lots of orgasms or showing you can receive them - because actually - ectstacy being our truest and most original state beyond all veils of illusion - there is nothing whatsoever to prove, because we ARE gods and goddesses already. Why not rest in that fact and really enjoy it?

The best of luck.

I'll have....

....what she's having.
"On the other hand, when we choose to forego performance, we lose none of our manliness or womanliness, but instead get to savor down to the most subtle dewdrop of expression what this really means - to be a man and a woman holding space together, to be a man and a woman equally matched in capacity for enjoyment and love, to be a man a woman able to stay fully present with one another and hold still and clear within the inescapable fact of their mutual potency."
Beautifully said, Goddess Hotspring.
Namaste, Goddess Wendy xo

Two cents

Okay, guys, I have to speak to this.
I found that my ex's use of a sexual stimulant (Viagra) caused some very unpleasant repercussions in our relationship. It put an artificial, kind of "forced" spin on something intended to unfold naturally between two people. I found that the focus on "performance" and his accompanying stress around whether or not he was measuring up sent any hope of intimacy or connection right out the window. He was so preoccupied with his erection or lack thereof that he couldn't hear me when I told him it didn't matter, and it didn't. When the Viagra did its magic, sensation was affected for him, and it ended up being a very mechanical thing; in his frustration about not being able to have an orgasm, he focused on making sure I had one. Once or twice he even said, "It's my job."
Can you imagine how that felt? I would much prefer an encounter with me to foster a feeling of sanctuary, of love, of closeness, comfort, connection. I don't want to be anybody's "job", thank you very much.
It was instructive to me to take a good look at what sex was about for me. There was a dopamine hunger thing I wasn't aware of, but under that was a deep desire for connection and intimacy. Our relationship started out with a lot of skin to skin contact and cuddling, and no sex for a while. We were loving and respectful with one another. We laughed a lot together, clothed and unclothed. We shared things. We were swimming in a sea of oxytocin and were bonded, heart and soul. As soon as we started having orgasmic sex, that all changed, and, unfortunately, we never got that initial closeness back.
So, my inquiry here would be, what are you both hungry for? Dopamine or intimacy? So far, from my experience, it's apparent I can't have both.
I've tried. Doesn't work. From this Goddess' perspective, I'll take the heart over the hard-on, every time.