Premature Ejaculation

Submitted by agni_asia on
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Hello Friends,

I am new to this forum. I badly need suggestions and help from ypu guys. I was happily having love making without losing my "Point of release or ejacultion" but for the past few months. I was not able to withstand for more than 1 minutes.....I have sex once in a week with my girl friend. I am afraid I cum quickly.....offcourse I satidfy her using my mouth...

I am looking for two way of solution:
1. Natural substitutes or food or herbs to increase my stamina.
2. Tantra or any practices to come out of this problem.

I can share my number if anybody wants to talk to me over phone.

Dev

Perhaps others will have some

practical advice for you. I hope so.

Quite honestly, I don't think it's very likely that you can stabilize your sexuality where you are avoiding orgasm while causing your partner to orgasm frequently. Are you sure your girlfriend wouldn't be willing to try these ideas with you? The material on this site is devoted to the potential that lies in both partners channeling their energy upward, not just the man.

If your girlfriend is not interested, you'd probably find more helpful advice on a this forum: http://www.aypsite.org/T50.html

I'll also ask another forum member who hasn't posted publicly, but has a lot of experience with Chia's Taoist approach, if he would respond. My personal view is that too much focus on technique has little to do with what I'm learning. As one person who wrote said:

When I was 18, I had a girlfriend with whom I began practicing intercourse without orgasm without even knowing techniques, just by intuition. Without realizing it our bodies and minds were healed in a profound way. Later, we experimented with books that were teaching something similar to what we experienced, except that they were talking about orgasms without ejaculation, and promised more physical pleasure. We broke up and things changed a lot for both of us—for the worse.

One thing I use to compare that happy time with the present time is the fact that my sister and I used to wait in hiding and then jump out to scare the other. In those days my mind was so clear, focused and in the present that she could never scare me. Today any dog’s bark can make me jump, and now I suffer from insomnia. What have I learned? "Throw away your tantra books, just send the energy to the heart." That's simple enough to follow. Just do it; don't try to figure it out before the actual experience.

Good luck!

Mantak Chia?

Let me just say that I strongly dislike Mantak Chia's book. I assume you are referring to "The Multiorgasmic Man" where he talks about how to orgasm without ejaculating. In this book, Mantak puts all the emphasis on avoiding semen loss, with no concern for the after-effects of orgasm. Furthermore, try as I may, I never could make his techniques work in practice. I think I read somewhere that someone else who criticized his book said that to actually perform the techniques he suggests requires a background of years of experience with Qi Gong or some other bodywork.

In short,

trying to orgasm with no ejaculation = dead end

At least that's how it seems to me.

Thanks for your input

His earlier book ("Taoist Secrets of Love") was what started me on this quest, so I'm grateful to the man. However, I, too, think he could use a little background in mating neurochemistry. Too much dopamine is too much, ejaculation, or not. And going too close to the edge during lovemaking is also not good for the prostate in my view. Better a gentler, non-performance-driven approach that relies for its thrills on touch, shared laughter and lots of deep breathing and eye contact during sex...and which doesn't leave one hungrier and hungrier. Less is actually more, according to my husband.

A couple ideas....

Here's a little checklist I go through:

1) Are you sure you DON'T want to ejaculate? Be brutally honest. Sometimes I've had to admit to myself that I was the problem.

2) Is your girlfriend on board with your desire to avoid crossing the "Point of release" as you call it?

I've found that, when your woman is with you on this, it helps IMMEASURABLY.

And, you'd be surprised how many women will secretly/unconsciously try to sabotage your efforts.

If neither applies, than the solution is simple: DON'T USE YOUR PENIS.

If she is on board, she'll be sympathetic.
In fact, if you tell her you decided to do this because of what's been happening, it will TOTALLY locate where she is in this regard.

Just use other methods to make her happy and then V---E---R---Y slowly begin to baby step back to normal.

It also helps to be in a covenant-based relationship. That way you have more confidence that she's in this together with you...

premature ejaculation

I am a new member to this website which I was quite pleased to discover.I am a psychotherapist and blogger specializing in emotional/sexual intimacy issues. My blog is on Neuroscience, stopping porn use, relationships. etc- www.relationalcounselingseattle.com/blog . Plus, I have been practicing Mantak Chia's sexual practices on and off for a few years myself now and find them most helpful.

Dev, masturbation programming is often a reason for premature ejaculation (ej) where a man gets stimulated through fantasy and the GOAL is to orgasm. This goal oriented behavior is programmed into your biocomputer and you cannot change it by willing it so. You must change the programming. And Mr Chia's techniques are quite effective although they take great effort and determination. If you have a willing partner to assist you, the transformation can become part of an enjoyable and satisfying experience in itself.

People often think great sex is simultaneous, dopamine filled, ecstatic orgasm where the process goes from foreplay to intercourse to orgasm. This of course might be an enjoyable experience but our bodies are not set up to sustain this level of performance. There is always a let down after this and if a couple tries to duplicate this they will be horribly disappointed. Regular even keeled sex is much more desirable and this occurs when there is an emotional connection and feelings are expressed and appreciated and nurtured.

When there is an emotional connection which leads into sexual pleasure of any kind such as touching, kissing, holding, intercourse, etc., with little expectation, the body produces oxytocin. This neurotransmitter not only allows for a substantial connection but also the connection creates even more oxytocin. This naturally occurring body drug creates extremely powerful feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.

With this connecting experience a new neural pathway is created where the body experiences a more level, moderate degree of pleasure rather than seeking the high intensity pleasure most males are addicted/drawn to. This pleasure is much more satisfying and readily attainable once the skills are in place. This neural re-programming along with Mantak Chia's practice would be a reasonable approach for you to take.

Good Hunting,
Christopher

Welcome!

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

I think a few people here are familiar with Mantak Chia's techniques, although personally they seem too complicated for me Blum 3

Biocomputers

I'm wondering if you're familiar with "A Handbook to Higher Consciousness" by Ken Keyes? He uses that same term, Biocomputer. He talks about ways to discard crappy programming.

Welcome to the site

Sounds like your insights are right in line with the ones we've been collecting. I'm always intrigued by the intersection between Chia's work and ours...especially since his work was my introduction to the concept of lovemaking NOT geared toward orgasm. Recently, I felt like I got a few insights about this distinction, and the next newsletter will have an article about it.

However, your comments remind me that the two systems don't *have* to be seen as contradictory. It seems, for example, that his work has allowed you to move away from performance toward deeper intimacy. Not everyone uses it this way. Some get very caught up in performance.

We're also learning that it's behavior that makes the difference...even though oxytocin is implicated. Oxytocin itself is a neurochemical that can do many things, not all of which are cuddly. But bonding behaviors themselves, seem to promote balance (and no doubt healthy levels of oxytocin). For more:
http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/bonding_magic
http://www.reuniting.info/science/oxytocin_revisited

Anyhow, great to have you here! I've enabled you to blog, in case you want to. Instructions here: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

One more coment about sex bonding

Dev, I forgot an important aspect of the sexual bonding process and that is eyes open sex, lights on and maintaining eye contact. I won't get into it now but we have these "mirror neurons" in our brains which allow us to look at another and experience what they are experiencing. In an intimate encounter I have found that this " emotional resonance" increases dopamine and oxytocin levels. Plus, in this case the focus is less on personal body sensation and more on connection which also might help with premature ejaculation. And what is most wonderful about these emotional resonance is that we can have it while doing anything, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, anything.

After we get good at it all we have to do is imagine our partner and we can generate the oxytocin and dopamine. Just like a porn addict imagining an erotic scene to get the dopamine, but with the resonance we get the added benefit of oxytocin. BUT when we have ejaculated it can take up to two weeks to get back to being able to generate the oxytocin and maybe the dopamine.

Warm Regards
Christopher D

Clarification

Thanks for the reminder that "dopamine" is also good (at balanced levels). Relationships wouldn't be "rewarding" without it, and bonds would be impossible. (As my husband says, "dopamine makes sex rewarding; oxytocin makes a particular partner rewarding." Of course that's an oversimplification, but the point is that both are needed in the right places and quantities, for healthy bonds.)

However, elsewhere on the site we explain that dopamine goes "into the red zone" with intense sexual stimulation, and that after doing so, it seems to trigger the brain to protect itself against further stimulation by dropping dopamine (with higher prolactin), or by desensitizing itself to dopamine (closing down receptors), or both. Both intense highs and lows of dopamine are not good for healthy relationship. (See http://www.reuniting.info/science/dopamine_separation_after_orgasm)

This is also how intense stimulation can create a neurochemical "hangover" - with or without orgasm itself. Emotional flatness is low dopamine; intense cravings when a "trigger" or "cue" promises "relief" are high dopamine. Both are typical of the hangover period, during which the body returns to homeostasis.

I'm adding this clarification, just so readers don't get confused about the role of dopamine.

High sexual stimulation

Marnia
I thought only orgasm with ejaculation was the precursor to dopamine hangover, and my female partner was unaware of any drop off after her orgasm. This morning we had a different sexual experience where we did not go to the high stimulation but had intercourse in a more mellow relaxed manner.

Afterward I realized that I felt much better and closer and less wanting to push away. I still felt a little of the "wanting to be apart " from her. Could this be because I did get over stimulated even though it was minimal? But overall the afterglow was much more pleasant and less painful than previously.

This was the most enjoyment I have experienced sexually during and after. And my partner and I watched your Peace Between the Sheets video and it was very helpful for her to hear it from you and she is more willing to work with me in this new endeavor.

Warmly
Christopher

In our experience,

orgasm itself is not necessary to experience a hangover. Sounds like you're making good progress. I'm sure you'll fine tune things as you go forward. Gradually the benefits from those bonding behaviors become so precious that you automatically steer for them.

It's exciting that you could already feel a difference. Thanks for sharing.