Orgasm hangover worse after long dry spell? And treatment.

Submitted by CuriousFellow on
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There seem to be several hints that an orgasm hangover can be much worse after a long dry spell:
- Persephone's current experience.
- Mitsiky's recent experience.
- My observation about getting headaches the day after an orgasm following several weeks of orgasmic celibacy.
- Marnia has also mentioned feeling like she was "screaming inside" in the days following a dream orgasm.
- It would be neat to hear from others (Josef?) who can compare an orgasm hangover following a long dry spell with orgasm hangovers (if any) when the orgasms are more frequent.

I'm beginning to think that the hangovers are much less severe when one is having frequent orgasms. Certainly I wasn't having daily headaches in times when I was masturbating daily.

It seems that one might get habituated to orgasms, just as one can get habituated to some drugs, such that they have less effect after frequent use.

Orgasms may also alleviate orgasm hangovers, sort of the "hair of the dog that bit you" effect.

Marnia prescribes the bonding behaviors (for everything :-)). Several people have reported feeling horny within a day of an orgasm. Maybe karezza would be a good treatment for orgasm hangover. Rather than resisting those urges, indulge them with some very low-key karezza. I think it would be very soothing. Love that oxytocin!! Smile

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You could be right.

I'm however afraid that just having orgasms frequently, even if the hangover feels less, wouldn't necessarily stop any negative effects on the relationship.

The only reason I can think of to avoid attempting karezza while in a hangover is that when you're that horny to begin with, it might be pretty difficult to keep it under control. On the other hand, if you're already quite well conditioned to "getting naked means relax," it could feasibly work.

Hangover

For clarity's sake, and because CF asked, the first couple of times S. and I were together was very Karezza-like. Because of some health issues, he has what he considers an erectile dysfunction. I told him he picked the right girl to start over with; that erections weren't that important to me at this point. The first time we had sex was after we had spent the weekend playing tourist together, having a great time. We had been out doing more physical activity than I was accustomed to, and I was stiff and sore. Having a pain management background (that irony is not lost on me), he gave me a massage. At the end of the massage, other things started happening. When he expressed frustration and distress at his unsatisfactory erection, I thought showing might be more helpful than telling, so I took him into my body and we just lay there, caressing each other. Neither of us had an orgasm. I was absolutely relaxed, comfortable, in complete bliss. The kind of touch that had been going on both during the massage and during the sex that followed was not hungry, not particularly goal oriented. It was generous, quiet, meditative, sweet. The next time we were together was much the same, but he had an orgasm. I didn't. The touch was a little more amped up, but the energy of it dispersed throughout my body, and I did not feel the lack of orgasm. In fact, I felt deeply satisfied. I continued to express to him my satisfaction with what we were doing; he continued to be very skeptical and unable to believe I didn't want to have an orgasm. He also expressed that he felt "inadequate" if I didn't. In between our sexual encounters, we spent a lot of good time together, with lots and lots of non-sexual, very healing touch. The last time we had sex started out very much the same. I allowed myself to be fooled into thinking that all the bonding we'd been doing might offset any post-orgasmic fallout. As you have seen, I was very, very wrong on that score. I started noticing the effects on Sunday, the day after the orgasm. I was feeling restless and slightly irritable. As I said, Sunday night when he came in to say goodnight, in the middle of the libido surge, he wasn't my friend or lover, he looked like an object to me. I was so distressed by this feeling that, as horny as I felt, I didn't want to be sexual again and make it any worse. Plus, CF, somewhere in the back of my mind my medical training was talking to me about the half life of narcotics.....how long it takes for a psychoactive substance to be cleared from the body. I knew if I did the "hair of the dog" thing, I'd be starting all over on Sunday night instead of Saturday, and it would add an extra day of misery. It wasn't worth it to me.
Yes, I do think Karezza may have helped, but not Sunday night. I don't think I could have touched him Sunday night in a non-hungry way, and because he would have been accomodating, according to his adequacy agenda, I probably would have ended up having an orgasm then, too.
By the following day, the libido surge had calmed down, but I felt, and still do, very much in need of comfort. It is possible if he and I had known each other longer and were in a committed relationship, we may have been able to work through it, even on Sunday night, but the newness of the relationship and his reluctance to discuss or explore any ideas about non-orgasmic sex, in addition to the horrific stuff going on in my brain, caused it to be a very alienating experience for me.
Even though I have been sleeping, yesterday I was exhausted. Last night I felt weepy and really emotionally labile. I have an awareness that my perimenopausal hormonal situation might be contributing to the emotional lability, but menstrual hormone shifts have never caused me to experience what it feels like is going on in my brain.I slept fitfully and dreamed of running away.....
He does not seem to be able to allow me to just have some space. I have been as clear as I am able, have said all I can say. Right now all I want is to take the best care of myself I can and give my brain a chance to find some balance. Our living situation has been compromised by all of this; last night he sent me another email stating if I did not start talking and being civil, he was going to move out. It took every bit of restraint I own not to say, "Let me help you pack". Right or wrong, fair or not, he feels like the enemy, and that makes me very sad. I have a dear friend at work who is very loving with me, I have plans to connect with other friends this weekend, I'm doing all I can to feel connected and heal.

Persephone

Men can be idiots, sometimes.

I understand that you're taking full responsibility for having your recent orgasm. But it's interesting that S's disbelief that you don't want orgasms was/is part of your reason for not getting back together.

Maybe this will help: How can a woman convince a man "I DON'T WANT AN ORGASM !"?

Even I don't understand S's feelings of "inadequacy".

Do you have any thoughts about whether the hangover is worse after a long dry spell?

Somehow this all reminds me of the Monty Python "Spam" sketch, with "orgasm" substituted for "spam".

"I don't want any spam!!!"

Courtesy of search and replace

Scene:  A cafe.  One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets.  Whenever the word "orgasm" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting.  A man and his wife enter.  The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag.

Man:You sit here, dear.
Wife:All right.
Man:Morning!
Waitress:Morning!
Man:Well, what've you got?
Waitress:Well, there's kissing and intercourse; kissing petting and intercourse; kissing and orgasm; kissing intercourse and orgasm; kissing intercourse petting and orgasm; orgasm intercourse petting and orgasm; orgasm kissing orgasm orgasm intercourse and orgasm; orgasm petting orgasm orgasm intercourse orgasm necking and orgasm;
Vikings:orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm...
Waitress:...orgasm orgasm orgasm kissing and orgasm; orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm oral sex orgasm orgasm orgasm...
Vikings:orgasm! Lovely orgasm! Lovely orgasm!
Waitress:...or a long walk on the beach followed by a candlelit dinner and a long soak in a hot tub with romantic music and a glass of red wine with french kissing on top and orgasm.
Wife:Have you got anything without orgasm?
Waitress:Well, there's orgasm kissing petting and orgasm, that's not got much orgasm in it.
Wife:I don't want ANY orgasm!
Man:Why can't she have kissing intercourse orgasm and petting?
Wife:THAT'S got orgasm in it!
Man:Hasn't got as much orgasm in it as orgasm kissing petting and orgasm, has it?
Vikings: orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife:Could you do the kissing intercourse orgasm and petting without the orgasm then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife:What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like orgasm!
Vikings:Lovely orgasm! Wonderful orgasm!
Waitress:Shut up!
Vikings:Lovely orgasm! Wonderful orgasm!
Waitress:Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have kissing intercourse orgasm and petting without the orgasm.
Wife:I don't like orgasm!
Man:Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your orgasm. I love it. I'm having orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm oral sex orgasm orgasm orgasm and orgasm!
Vikings:orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm. Lovely orgasm! Wonderful orgasm!
Waitress:Shut up!! oral sex is off.
Man:Well could I have her orgasm instead of the oral sex then?
Waitress:You mean orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm. Lovely orgasm! Wonderful orgasm! orgasm orga-a-a-a-a-sm orgasm orgasm. Lovely orgasm! Lovely orgasm! Lovely orgasm! Lovely orgasm! Lovely orgasm! orgasm orgasm orgasm orgasm!

I had to bring this post back to the top

I think this is relevant to my current situation. Also to others that have gone a little time without orgasm. It seems some can have very bad reactions after long time without orgasm. I know my headaches when they have appeared this time seem to be worse than ever before.
I also like that by Marnia the screaming inside after a dream orgasm. yeah felt that. It pushed me over to masturbation to orgasm. Now stuck in a crazy loop again. been here before but having a hard time dealing with it still. Hope others find this post useful.

[quote=CuriousFellow]There seem to be several hints that an orgasm hangover can be much worse after a long dry spell:
- Persephone's current experience.
- Mitsiky's recent experience.
- My observation about getting headaches the day after an orgasm following several weeks of orgasmic celibacy.
- Marnia has also mentioned feeling like she was "screaming inside" in the days following a dream orgasm.
- It would be neat to hear from others (Josef?) who can compare an orgasm hangover following a long dry spell with orgasm hangovers (if any) when the orgasms are more frequent.

I'm beginning to think that the hangovers are much less severe when one is having frequent orgasms. Certainly I wasn't having daily headaches in times when I was masturbating daily.

It seems that one might get habituated to orgasms, just as one can get habituated to some drugs, such that they have less effect after frequent use.

Orgasms may also alleviate orgasm hangovers, sort of the "hair of the dog that bit you" effect.

Marnia prescribes the bonding behaviors (for everything :-)). Several people have reported feeling horny within a day of an orgasm. Maybe karezza would be a good treatment for orgasm hangover. Rather than resisting those urges, indulge them with some very low-key karezza. I think it would be very soothing. Love that oxytocin!! :-)[/quote]

Let's if I remember....

A few days shy of 3 months without an orgasm. Did some nice cuddling and kissing (me kissing)....so nice to be free...to just enjoy the contact. She said, "Not tonight, but we should have sex sometime." We know what that means, so maybe I'll have some insight as to O after looooong abstinence.
In my former life, a little more than a year ago, I got real shitty if I didn't cum by the third day....you know how it is, depressed, irritable, blaming, needy. I was just FINE as long as got mine in time. The drama in our relationship was pretty intense.
te amo mucho