Let me quote from the post at http://www.reuniting.info/node/1510#comment-4223
[quote=christopherd]This morning we had a different sexual experience where we did not go to the high stimulation but had intercourse in a more mellow relaxed manner.
Afterward I realized that I felt much better and closer and less wanting to push away. I still felt a little of the "wanting to be apart " from her. Could this be because I did get over stimulated even though it was minimal? But overall the afterglow was much more pleasant and less painful than previously.
This was the most enjoyment I have experienced sexually during and after.[/quote]
Christopher duplicated an experience I had more than 20 years ago early in my marriage. There were a few times when I started to make love in the morning about five minutes before I had to get up and go to work. I always liked to take my time and enjoy a lot of cuddling, and five minutes seemed too rushed. So one time I didn't finish with an orgasm, and I got my wife's agreement that I could "finish" later.
That experience has really stood out in my mind over the years, for a couple of reasons:
- I was quite surprised at how "normal" I felt a minute or two after disengaging and getting out of bed. There was no feeling of desperately wanting to have an orgasm. Nor did I feel particularly horny throughout that day.
- I felt good. I had a nice afterglow feeling all day.
I'd like to point out to Marnia that Christopher found the experience pleasant and enjoyable enough to write about it -- as have I, many years after my experience.
The reason I'm mentioning this is that I think Marnia's program of Exchanges, as described in Peace Between the Sheets, is not presented in a way that is appealing to most men. Suppose the woman wants her partner to try the program. I can imagine the woman saying something like "Honey, let's try this program, where we don't make love for two weeks..." (at which moment the man feels like the room is starting to spin, and he grabs hold of his chair to hang on) "and then we can make love but don't have orgasms." (at which moment the man becomes stone deaf and catatonic.)
Even Marnia has said that she doesn't expect most people to try the program until their backs are to the wall.
I'd really like to find a way to present the program in a way that is more appealing to men. What I suggest is that rather than asking the man to make a HUGE leap of faith (that the program isn't one of sexual privation -- followed by more sexual privation!), that instead the program should begin with the suggestion that the couple make love in the morning without orgasms (or getting close to orgasms), see how the man feels during the day, and THEN, if he feels ok about it, begin the Exchanges.
I'm betting that most men will have the same astonishing but pleasant discovery that Christopher and I have had, and will suddenly become much more willing to continue on with the rest of the program.
A few more notes: I recommend that the first time a couple tries the karezza experiment, that they do it in the morning, rather than at night. The reason is that the man is less likely to be anxious about being able to get to sleep. There are lots of things going on during the day that can distract one away from any horniness.
I imagine that a lot of men may unintentionally have an orgasm the first time they try making love after the two weeks of celibacy in the Exchanges - or at least that might be a worry. Trying karezza at least once before beginning the Exchanges gives the man the opportunity to find out what it's like at the outset, at a time when it is probably easy for him to avoid orgasming, and would also give him some incentive to be careful and avoid having an orgasm when the Exchanges finally allow intercourse.
If the man is in the habit of driving toward orgasm like an express train, he will need to be trained to slow - way - down and enjoy the journey. I assume that for such men, sex equals orgasm (and nothing more), so any suggestion to "give up orgasms" will not be considered for even a millisecond. Thus, I would suggest doing this "training" before even thinking about proposing trying the Exchanges. To do this training, the woman should just ask the man to lie still for a couple of minutes after entering her, and also ask him to not pull out immediately after orgasm, but instead to lie still and cuddle for a few minutes after he orgasms, until his erection subsides and he slips out.
Many men who are in a relationship are frustrated with wanting to make love more often than their partners, and thus often feel uncomfortably horny, lonely, resentful, etc. when he wants to make love and she doesn't. I think one of the benefits of the Exchanges and permanently switching to karezza is reducing the frequency and intensity of episodes of uncomfortable horniness. This is another pleasant surprise discovery that one may make, but it may take several weeks of orgasmic celibacy before one really notices the lack of horniness. (I think in my case it took at least six weeks, maybe even longer, before I really noticed "Hey, the cravings are gone!") Anyway, I think this is an important benefit -- an attractive selling point for the program: regardless of how often your partner may want to make love once you are on the program, you won't have those uncomfortable cravings that you may be having now while you are on the orgasm rollercoaster.