Another one bites the dust

Submitted by spiritual_hardship on
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Then my counting of days suddenly got a whole lot easier as I now am back to day 1 again. Did I invent a time machine you ask? NO, I just deactivated my higher functions of the brain and let my reptile brain show me its moves. Impressive as they may be they are not very suited for this semen retention business..

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Reflections

In the aftermath of surrendering to my lust I can appreciate how much difference these last six days really have made. My urge to masturbate now is WAY more intense then it was before the "slipup" and my apathy has worsened a great deal. Now I don't feel like doing my energy work, I just want to find some nasty porn and get on with it.. I think I'll put this down as a great learning experience and hope I get over the worst bit soon. When and if I do I will have this learning of how it was this time as another argument as to not "fiddle with myself" when the urges arrive. But from experience these first few days now is mostly about stubbornness as all feelings and thoughts point in the wrong direction..

Better and better every time! Wink

How true

A slip *definitely* demotivates you. I always feel like my world goes a bit...darkish...for a while - on and off - until I'm back in balance. There can seem to be no point to anything...except seeking immediate jollies. That's all that's intense enough to be "real." Every other ideal, or less intense pleasure fades into being some "unrealistic theory." All the rationalizations rise up, in chorus, and they make *perfect* sense.

And yet, if you just look them in the eye and say, "sorry...I don't care if you make perfect sense and I'm an idiot to try this....I'm going to do it anyway!" then, within a few days, another type of perception creeps in - something closer to balance - and you actually value things in your life differently.

I think of the post-orgasmic neurochemistry as a kind of "spell," because it narrows our range of perception. When in that range, you can't see beyond it, so you can't "believe" in what lies beyond it. Or to state it another way, as you get more balanced, you begin to broaden your range (metaphorically) into the "infra-red and ultra-violet" ranges, too. And you can see they *were* real after all.

It's quite uncanny, actually. And whether our personal spectrum expands or shrinks, it doesn't feel like *we* have changed at all. That's the beauty of our tendency to project our inner state onto the world around us. So it seems like we have no control over our range of perception...until we go back and forth enough times to see the process for ourselves, and integrate it.

Experiments are important.