A method to help control the urge to masturbate

Submitted by Mars on
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I have been struggling for many years against my addiction to masturbation, with mixed results. I have been reading Reuniting for quite some time now (which I found great!), and recently I have developed a simple method to help control the urge to masturbate. It helps me, so I thought that it may help others.

The main advantage of this method is that it provides me with feedback on where I stand in the sexual impulse cycle. In my case, straight after masturbation to ejaculation the sexual impulse is low, but it tends to increase over time to a point where it is difficult, if not impossible, to control it. This method makes explicit the level of sexual impulse and thus can help to control it.

The method was inspired by the sexual impulse alert scale proposed by Josef in this forum (thank you Josef!). I have simply taken his definitions, and proceeded from there. The method uses:
1. A "dial" containing the 5 sexual impulse levels, numbered from 1 to 5.
2. An ordinary monthly calendar with some space for writing, on a daily basis, one's sexual impulse level. Level 0 is used when the urge to masturbate wins the battle.
3. A spreadsheet, to record ones' sexual levels in the past month(s).

The procedure is:
- Every night, before going to bed (which is for me the time where I am prone to masturbate), I write on the calendar my current sexual impulse level using the definitions on the "dial". The very act of assessing my current level and writing it down helps me appreciate where I stand and to take corrective action if I can. If my level is low I can go to bed with a good certainty that I won't masturbate. But if it's high, instead of going to bed I meditate, or do some energy circulation exercise (as described in Reuniting) until I feel sleepy enough. Another mechanism I use is to use my intention and willpower to explicitly state to myself that I won't masturbate. Basically, I mentally say "NO" to the urge.
- At the end of each month I enter the sexual impulse levels, and the spreadsheet generates a chart . I print it out and hang it next to the dial. This way I can see how sexual impulse developed over time. In this way I can even forecast where my impulse will be in the near future, and be prepared!
- Finally, I mark on next month's calendar the day which, if reached, would allow me to have resisted the urge for a period at least as long as the previous one. I keep an eye on it every night, because it's an ideal goal for the current effort to resist.

The method is quite "technical" in a sense, but after all I am an engineer! Wink

I contacted Marnia, who will kindly make available for download the "dial" (in PDF) and the spreadheet.

Good luck! :)

Josef's Sexual Impulse Alert Scale

As Mars explains, his tracking method uses a scale of 5 sexual impulse levels from 1 to 5 (with zero representing having succumbed to the impulse/starting over). As Mars also notes, his method was inspired by the "sexual impulse alert scale" proposed by Josef in his blog, and presupposes familiarity with Josef's descriptions of the impulse levels.

Now, admittedly, one could make use of Mars's chart without knowing Josef's definitions of the impulse levels. "1" could be defined, quite simply, as "not very tempted" and "5" could be defined as "extremely tempted." But these are rather bland and colorless ways of defining the impulse levels, and do not convey the richness of Josef's original idea.

I invite anyone interested in tracking their struggle to read Josef's descriptions of the five sexual impulse levels in his own words. If nothing else, his writing is fun to read: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1483

Mars Tool

I found your tool fascinating. I am still studying it but from what I see so far, it seems very useful. Thank you for providing it for use.

Another Thought/Question

In the graphing of your sexual desire/impulse to masturbate, has it been consistent that certain times of the month would produce the same intensity levels during the same times/days of the month?

I am glad that you like it

I am glad that you like it and hope that it helps you.

To answer your question, I would say that it has been fairly consistent, in particular whenever I hit level 0 (i.e. I masturbated to ejaculation) within a 2-week cycle. In that case, from cycle to cycle I could see similar (albeit not necessarily identical) levels on the same days, with an overall similar pattern.

However, whenever I pass the 2-week mark w/o hitting level 0, my level stays fairly low (say 1 or 2) and varies much less. In other words, the pattern is much "flatter".

Using this method/procedure I have now - for the 1st time since my childhood - not masturbated for about 2 months!!

Good luck!

i like this method, but i am

i like this method, but i am having trouble looking at the damn notebook or paper on the wall!

I have always had a piece of paper on the wall, to chart how many days I've gone clean, but i only could get myself to focus on it maybe 2x a week. My cycle is now 1 week, i would reach a day where my libido is high and then i forget about the whole thing and bang.