Marnia's picture
Submitted by Marnia on
Printer-friendly version

Why not try your own experiment? Pass up orgasm for three weeks, and keep a diary of your experiences. Then when you *do* orgasm, keep a diary for the following two weeks. What do you notice?


Hi Marnia,

At first I was pretty focussed on staying away from masturbation/excitation orgasm and felt like I had failed whenever I couldn't stay on track. Then I simply gave up that approach and thought, well awareness is the most important thing anyways so I'll just see if I can pay more attention to what's going on in me around ejaculation.

It was pretty interesting. Pretty soon I noticed that when I felt an overwhelming urge to masturbate, there were things that were going on in my life that I feared very deeply. Usually these were connected to women. As I noticed these fears, they started to hold less power over me and I was finding ways to confront and heal them.

Originally I was tracking physical ejaculations on a calendar. Now they seem to be becoming more and more subtle. I'm tracking dream orgasms now, the physical ones haven't happened for two months. I'm also feeling alot stronger and many of my relationships have changed.

I now have a woman cuddle-buddy friend and am able to set solid boundaries on a challenging female co-worker who is remarkably good at getting under my skin and wreaking havoc.

Thanks for the idea!

Hugs. Smile


Thanks for the feedback

Everyone's experiments are extremely valuable for all of us. The whole idea is so foreign for the moment. It's a challenge to find balance and see the benefits...without fretting over orgasm. The fretting definitely doesn't help...and yet balance consistently does. So I've come to think that experimenting is the way to go. Gradually, things come back into balance.

I'm glad you've noticed improvements, even though they are subtle. Over time, they do seem to add up to greater inner peace. Who would have thought?


I've abstained from orgasm for over two years. The difference is now I feel harmonious and have wet dreams. I don't feel the highs and lows caused by peak orgasms. I feel more at peace.

wow 2 years...

That's a long time! I've avoided masturbation for about 2 months now but I notice that I'm having wet dreams maybe oh, every 20 days or so. Do the wet dreams ever go away?

I have noticed I am FAR more caring to others lately. I am looser and I relentlessly crack jokes. I'm also more willing to touch friends, man or woman, in a comforting way. For example, I'll rub their arm or pat their shoulder briefly and without hesitation when I talk to them.

However, I think I'm facing some withdrawal symptoms like others have. I think I've used masturbation to manage stress for most of my life and now I'm having these terrible mood swings. I can't seem to focus as well lately either as I just have this constant fantasy reel (related to a girl--how appropriate) going on in my head. I suffer from OCD so this might be a factor.

Nonetheless, my intuition is that these negative effects are temporary and that I'll find balance, greater focus, and peace soon enough.

I have not thought about

I have not thought about asking this girl out as she hasn't given me any signs of interest other than responding to my messages. And I'm just a wreck lately, crying hysterically at the drop of a hat. My depression runs very deep and I feel like I'm in no position to be courting somebody, let alone ask them out. Funny thing is if I were more healthy, I would have chased this girl anyway, lol. I find her that amazing.

Right now, I figure the story of unrequited love is as old as time and I'm just going to have to learn to let this girl go. I recently attended a 5-day Zen meditation retreat and had this girl on my mind the WHOLE time. It was pathetic. I returned to see if she messaged me and guess what, nothing...

Maybe when I'm in balance, I'll take your advice and go for it! Thanks, Marnia! :)

Hey Marnia, That article

Hey Marnia,

That article TOTALLY spoke to me. I think I am starved for touch as I broke up with my girlfriend (my first love) over 1 yr ago. I believe I came across as too needy with this new girl and might have spooked her! I was so officious. Oh well. This idea of the "cuddle buddy" fascinates me. I have someone perfectly in mind for this but I wouldn't even begin to know how to bring this up with her. I've been meditating with her for a few years now and we have a deep friend connection. But this seems crazy too crazy to try... Won't the cuddling lead to some sort of romantic attraction? I receive and give hugs on a regular basis from people in my meditation group but perhaps these aren't enough.

Thanks Marnia!

Go ahead, ask to cuddle!

I have an old friend, who was was single when I met him, but not looking to 'hook up' with anyone. I think he was still hurting from a romance gone sour. He was living with a friend of mine and her partner (her husband to be), who was his best friend. When ever I went over to their house, (which was all the time for at least 2 years), he'd set next to me on the sofa, and politely ask if he could cuddle, and I never refused. The first time, it seemed odd, but I never got any weird vibes from him at all, and I really enjoyed the friendly warmth. He asked and cuddled with just about everyone I knew that came to their house. I never once saw a woman refuse, and he asked all of them. He didn't care if we were old, fat, young, skinny, married, lesbian, whatever, because the point was to cuddle. He would just snuggle up, and make little contented sighs, and sometimes, fall asleep. All of us women adored him! He's married now, to a sweet woman, and they've got a gaggle of kids, I've not been in a situation to sit next to him recently, so I don't know if he still does it, but he's still a fantastic hugger.



THAT's what the article is for! Let IT do the work by asking her what she thinks about the idea.

And now Quzure has given you the perfect line, "I've still got some work to do getting over my ex - so I'm not trying to start an intimate relationship. Too soon. But I'd make a good, safe cuddle buddy if you would like to try this."

Let us know how it goes. Wink