Congratulations. You may be in the best position to integrate the material at this site. You’re not blinded by honeymoon neurochemistry—and you have no partner to blame for your relationship woes. Instead you can look back over your love life (or the love lives of others) objectively. “Jeez…there has been a pattern of separation at work in our love lives!”
I found celibate time was particularly valuable for releasing my resentments toward the opposite sex. Insights about the mammalian mating program and sexual satiation helped me see that we’re all innocent, and struggling with similar challenges. Knowledge of the power of subconscious bonding cues made me optimistic about future romance. Both were healing.
Even without a partner, there’s a lot you can do to recalibrate your inner compass—away from the search for mood-altering stimulation, and toward the production of more stress-relieving oxytocin. Do you spend as much time as you can in friendly contact with others? If not, make it a point to hang out more with your fellow human beings. Do you avoid tantalizing sexual stimuli, including porn, romance novels and erotic movies?
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.—Josh Billings
An interval of celibacy is an ideal time to decide what kind of lover you want to be and what kind of mate you want to have. Being a great lover as defined by today’s popular magazines and TV shows is quite different from being a great karezza lover. The first encourages you to think of yourself as an appetizing sexual snack, displayed in a manner to maximize your short-term success as a gene machine. The second converts you into a healing, nurturing force.
When I shifted to the goal of finding a karezza partner, I saw potential partners completely differently. I didn’t care to waste more time or energy on impulsive gene shopping with its brief, dramatic highs and heartache. I also noticed that such behavior made some of my female friends increasingly afraid of aging, and very competitive toward other women.
Alpha males, although still tempting, did not send me into the same frenzy they once had. Indeed, the hot passion of seduction, casual sex and the thought of surrendering in order to become another unwitting member of an alpha male's harem lost its allure. Men who are seeking to find a karezza partner report that they no longer light up for every set of operational ovaries in quite the same way, either.
I began to find open-minded partners with a bit of self-discipline increasingly attractive. Generosity, thoughtfulness, humor, and good companionship were more important. Appearance, status and earning potential were less so—especially as I realized the power of karezza to create abundance for both partners.
Gradually, I stopped evaluating potential sweethearts in terms of how they could serve/benefit/excite me, and instead began to see myself as a diplomat for harmonious relationships. I found myself asking, “How could I nurture this person, who may ultimately belong to my sister (some other woman), so he is more open to life-giving intimate relationships?”