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Submitted by Marnia on
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An addiction can be a great starting point from which to observe the power of bonding-based lovemaking. However, you (the addict) will need to make an important decision first.

An addiction is the result of seeking self-sufficiency and comfort by manipulating one’s own mood, rather than trusting to the comfort and balance of connections with others. Many of us have chosen this path. In a recent USA TODAY/HBO nationwide poll of adults, one in five reported they had a spouse, parent, sibling or child who was, or had been, addicted to alcohol or drugs.http://www.usatoday.com/news/polls/2006-07-19-addiction-poll.htm April 27-May 31, 2006 That doesn't count the millions of children, too young to poll, living with an addicted relative. This trend is a measure of how inadequately we are meeting our mammalian brain’s needs for the close connections on which it thrives.

Unfortunately, these two ways of seeking comfort—mood-altering substances and close connections—work at cross-purposes to each other. You cannot share your real self with another person if your have altered your personality artificially. You will have to choose between them.

Ask yourself if you want to give up your addiction. If not, it’s best to wait to explore the gifts of karezza until you honestly want to give up your addiction. On the other hand if you’re sure you want to recover, but don’t think you can, you can still experiment with the Exchanges.

Explore what the magic of bonding behaviors can do, without medicating yourself in your habitual way. Put your full attention on nurturing your partner while you do the Exchanges. At the same time, and take a vacation from the cues related to your addiction to the extent possible. This might mean avoiding your drinking buddies, some favorite websites, or the routines and haunts associated with your addiction.

As my husband and I went through the Exchanges, and stayed with the practice of karezza, I watched two things happening. First, he found bonding behaviors more and more rewarding, which seemed to reduce his cravings. As a science teacher, he thinks in strange ways. Wink He said later—thinking back to this experience after learning about the unique properties of oxytocin—“That’s probably what it felt like to sprout new oxytocin receptors.” Second, he grew more optimistic and open to new insights about his addiction. Those insights seemed to arrive at just the right moments. Within about four months his addiction was behind him.

Advice for mate: Throughout my experience with this process—which involved a number of relapses—I was very clear that his decision to recover was entirely up to him. He knew that if he changed his mind I would not argue with him; I would simply end the relationship. As it turned out, I was able nourish him while he regained his balance because he kept his commitment to stay with bonding behaviors and karezza (despite a slip or two). Otherwise, I would have found the resulting passion cycles of intense mood swings intolerably draining.

If your partner is not willing to address an addiction, and you don’t feel you can leave the relationship, you may still find some comfort emphasizing bonding behaviors while you’re waiting for a clear direction.

I was addicted

learned a couple of hard lessons today, or rather the difference between a compulsive liar, ( one who lies out of habit because telling the truth is uncomfortable, it becomes a way of life, the lies build on each other),the second patological liars,lie to keep control and do so with no regard or remorse.

Looks like the person I discovered in a lie today seems to be specail he fits both descriptions. telling the truth is uncomfortable for him, since with truth comes responsibility and he had no regard nor ever shows remorse and says he lied out of concern for me.

Love that line.

from my research I've learned that these triats are developed in childhood, ( what isn't these days) and become a way of life

Be it the 4 bedroom house with a billiard room, and gym, or weather he paid for the ticket himself, it doesnt matter, what matters is that he appears right. Once he is confronted, he runs, or refuses to ackowledge his lies. Most times he will also blame the lie on the person he lied to.
all in all it was my bad luck that out of the hundreds of men I met her on tagged th eone who got inside my head if not my heart fits both these profiles.

As fart as profiles go, you can put anything in your About me, appear to be a Zen like old laid back Hippie,send out sweet Tags with words made up by someone else, since you havent had an original idea in years, but that doesn't make you a good person, it also doesnt excuse you from Karma. It doesnt excuse you from responsibility, and you will get your, or maybe you already have.
Unlike your profile, what you see on mine is what you get..Unlike you I own up to my words and deeds, Unlike you I am a real person with real feelings.Nothing I could do or would want to do would make me feel any better about what you did. I can only learn from knowing you, and try in the process not to lose who I was before I met you.

My friends know me, my family knows me, unfortunarely I let you get to know a part of me not many do, and as pathalogical conditions go, youhad no idea what to do with a real woman.

here you have it, I've been trying to end this for about 6 months, today I found a reason, .I want to be myself again.

I loved that line

about 'sprouting oxytocin receptors'. Very romantic Wink

On the subject of bonding, I have not gotten so far as exploring any intimacy with a woman yet, but what being here (at this site) has done for me is that now the door is open, I have a willingness for it to enter my life. Also, I make a point of trying to go out and mingle with people more, and to really look people in the eyes and try to feel the warmth that comes from even ordinary friendly social contact. Basically, I have raised the priority of my connections to other humans, I now see it as important to my overall health.