I am new to this forum and even after spending 2 hours reading I feel so much better about my sexual frustrations. One subject or detail that I have not seen yet though is regarding my Subject line. My wife and I are in love. We have been together for over 2 years now. Like all of our past relationships, the sex was intense for us for about the first 6 months of our marriage. As we grew closer together and in love the sex became less frequent. At first I was very disappointed about this because I was still very much attracted to my wife. She indeed admitted that she "has always been that way" - meaning she has always lost a little interest in sex in her relationships at a point - but not entirely. We have talked at length about the issue of me being so attracted to her and her simply not being interested for what amounts to about 90% of the time. She's very kindly assures me that she doesn't want another man, isn't having an affair and is indeed still very much in love with me. The only reasoning that she has given me for the lack of interest in sex is that she says her "mind" wants me, but her "body" doesn't. We have sex about once a month now and about 5 times a month she turns me down when I try to advance on her sexually. The turning down sends my ego absolutely through the roof and when I try to talk to her about it she doesn't know what to say. Actually, a few weeks ago she did say that it makes her feel like I'm unhappy with my life when I get all upset and obsessed over not getting to have sex with her.
At this point I am so confused. I don't know what to do with the intense sexual energy and lust I have for my wife and to add insult to injury she doesn't have it for me 90% of the time. I am not an every day person - I don't need to have sex every day. As a matter of fact, what's more important is that my wife actually WANTS to have sex with me even if it's once a month or less. She says that she shows her love for me in so many other ways and that she wonders if I see it. Of course I do. If I was only interested in having sex I'd be single. Oh, and we're are supposed to be trying to get pregnant too.
I obviously want to find out - if I can - why I am feeling so frustrated. Many thoughts and feelings have gone through my head and heart and not all of them are good. This website has helped already with it's scientific evidence and with helping me realize what I feel is real. It may not all stem from good things but I am not insane. BUT, when do I turn to my wife and ask her to take responsibility and find answers. To me I am being a normal individual who simply loves his wife and wants to enjoy every part of her. Yes, my obsession / frustration with her is something that I can prove through science but there is another side to the story. My wife just takes this situation as "it is what it is" and there is no problem and the more I harp on her about it the less she has to say.