I've been addicted to porn for over 20 years and masturbating at least 2 times a day (i'm 36). So everytime I get into a relationship with a nice girl I meet, the porn and the masturbating comes to a grinding halt and subsequently all kinds of sexual problems arise (anxiety, erection problems, fear etc.). Over a month ago I met a wonderful woman and we hit the ground running. Unfortunately she moved away for six months and we've been dealing with the long distance thing ever since. It's worked out well and she has been very supportive of my issues. Without her I would not able to go through what I've been going through.
Even though I miss her and want her very to be physically present, her absence has actually helped me deal with my own problems very well. I have made a conscious effort to get rid of my sexual addiction for good. I've opened up to friends about the topic (something I would NEVER have broached earlier) and all of a sudden I have built a small circle of friends who have become closer and a sort of support group. It's a wonderful feeling and I'm hopeful that I can combat my problems. It's been very difficult because I've experienced a lot of anxiety/panic attacks, insomnia, and extreme impatience. I think these are the withdrawal symptoms from not watching porn anymore. I've also faced up to a lot of issues and problems that I've been ignoring for a long long time. So it's been very painful on the whole.
Another issue I should mention is that I've been masturbating to porn for so long that it seems to be the only way I know how to achieve an orgrasm; as if I'm in a relationship with porn which is what I think it is. Anyway, I've been reading books and online material and found this wonderful website. I've been reading that after an experience such as mine, a period of sexual abstinence would be healthy in redefining my sexuality. This has resonated quite strongly and I've been thinking about it. In the last month I finally managed to masturbate without porn, but recently decided to take the plunge and am going to try to not masturbate until the end of the month (which would be 13 days) and if I make it that long, to keep going until it's 30 days.
I'm at six days and I can feel the transformation in my head. Once in a while, I still get porn images that come to my head (which I am able to shut out), but my whole approach to sex is changing. Instead of being the guy watching people have sex, I can imagine myself as the guy actually having sex. It's quite an experience but I guess I have an addiction to the rush of orgasm and I'm having a hard time with this. I exercise all the time, I eat right (patterns developed in the last two years), and I am basically a positive person, however this is probably the most difficult challenge I have ever met.
I was wondering if anybody could share any tactics that would help me through this. Reading the posts on this forum has been encouraging and gives me hope for the results of this. I also instinctively feel that this is the right thing to do but I'm having a hard time pushing through here. The days seem longer and it's hard for me to fill my time all the time.
Thanks for reading my story and any feedback would be awesome.