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Submitted by Marnia on
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Sorry you're stuck. Daily bonding behaviors may help. Bonding behaviors are subconscious mammalian attachment cues, which can help improve the harmony between you - without talking.

If you can't even exchange affectionate, non-sexual, touch yet, you might want to start with Morita therapy. It's a way of using Buddhist principles (selfless service) to ease the tension between you...and soothe your jangled nerves.

Good luck!

bonding behaviors and a man from somewhere

How is it look like when someone face the problem of bonding behaviors?:
Despite I am in the city near 1 or 2 years (many gaps) I feel new, and strange. I feel people just passing on the street, and almost nobody knows me - maybe only from quite regular glance from office window? - the man who walks such strange and alone...
I do feel great disconnection, I have not been born here, and I can understand a little better why is that happening people connect with each other, when they are 'just from here always'.
So next weekend is going. Do I have any reason to go out? The city speaks with great energy, especially weekends, evening and early night.
I can predict for these people out there, are hundred of hundred reasons to go, to meet others of course, but because of something, to talk about what happened when.., to plan for next days to do... to laugh about someone who...etc.
For me could be one- go and smile to someone. I do not feel good alone here at that time. And I know I wont feel good when I'll go out - another clarifying event how far I am to catch someone for longer time than a short smile? Even succeed i feel weirdo, suspicious. 'So you walk like that and look for anybody to smile and talk???' Is it my avoidance, or lack of purpose from outside source? I do not know what is happening there at all. Everything but for me mystery. How to find out? That is not a fun to stare alone in the club, pub, and get the look: what do you want from us??? do not disturb you stranger, WE are talking and having fun here! what is the reason you came here?

What the answer could be in the way to not hurt me and others afterwards.
If I said something, do the person must discuss with all her/his friends what I just said or did? It is really stressful.

Going out alone to a bar

sounds quite stressful to me, too.

Personally, I would probably choose other groups to join first...and then go out with those new friends. Have you tried a meditation group? Check the bulletin board at your gym for activities that would help you meet people. Biking? Hiking? Historical tours of the city? Support groups? Volunteering? Congregations?

*a big hug*

being useful for sociaty and voluntarily work battle

I have missed meditation group this week, but I tried several times to find voluntarily work.
The answer has been - 'our manager decided not to take any new voluntaries more'. The manager is an old daddy, who just doesn't like any young guys on 'his' sitting place. And you know what? I did complete my biology degree to help people, but after all this kind of life experiences I want such people to die as soon as it is possible. I lost my motivation to learn medicine forever. Should I use my skills and motivation to construct biochemical tools for bio war???

where is the muscle of the battle?

I face these kind of situations very often, have lost at least one job because 'manager decided'. You know, in a very big company with the system of several supervisors, managers etc we need to cope with their requirements, no matter what they are - or loose the job. If you stuck with one of them who generates to big pressure we are in the trouble. Where is the muscle of assertiveness here and how to exercise it? Do you have any clue how to start such a positive change? I need something like a map of bonding behaviors between males if they exist, I mean building friendship, not homosexual relationship. I am looking for win-win plan in a workplace long term, not win-loose, which cause fight for the future.

Self Employment

I've always been self employed. For me, that was the "win-win" situation you spoke of. My job was secure because 1,000 people would have to fire me simultaneously to have any effect on my job. That, of course, would be impossible.

My wife was my manager. She was a piece of cake. Yum!