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Almost two years ago I embarked on a journey that has changed my life in a pretty fundamental way, and is one most difficult to explain or relate. I suspect the terms used to describe the phenomenon could well be distortive, but for many experiencing this, its a place to hang your hat.
The "hook" or term used for what I have been going through is the twin soul or twin flame experience. Regardless of what you might think of the terms used to describe this phenomenon, it shares a host of symptoms and experiences which have a tendency to be common amongst others going through this same experience.

Imagine waking up one day to a curious feeling that you are aware of another person.....not someone you can see with your eyes, not someone whom you may even know, but a sense of presence near you, in your head and heart. Then imagine having a series of odd synchronicities surrounding the issue of this other person, as well as dreams. Some will dream of this other person and know what they look like, or might see the inside of their home. Suddenly and without warning, its as though some new set of experiences have come and made their home in your life. At first, you think you are going crazy. You begin having all kinds of crazy thoughts about this person. You notice an incredible pull to this person. You think that for whatever reason, you are just having some innexplicable psychic communication happening and it will go away after a few days. It doesn't. It grows stronger. What' more, you seem to know who this person is, and in my case, it was someone I knew relatively little about who was on a message board on a topic I was interested in. While we both danced around the issue for a few weeks, we both admitted that we were both feeling something. This would be where you begin to question your sanity a little bit, but something deep within you drives you forward. You suspend disbelief for a bit and see where this goes. There is something about the FEEL of this that is very compelling. As you do, more strange events occur that mesh with the physical, some are oddly synchronistic while others might tell you details about the person involved that you just could not know otherwise. Enough happens to keep your attention piqued and in the game.

You begin to notice that this other person has an incredible ability to know what you are feeling and when. If you are suddenly sad, this person can feel it. You begin to have the sense that you know this person not from the outside in but from the inside out. It begins to feel as though you both are sharing something deep and fundamental, and the sense of familiarity with this person goes beyond anything you have experienced before. It feels like this person is joined at the hip with you, but in an unseen way. Your own inner psychic space feels more cramped than usual.....because there is another person there in that space. You get used to this feeling, but in the beginning you wonder if you are not going through some odd form of posession.

Then the chakras or energy centers in the body begin to fire up. It begins at the base chakra where all of the strong sexual and primal feelings emerge. This energy begins to move upwards and as this happens, you begin to be aware of a subtle presence that seems to guide this upward flow. This energy has a sense of sentience, of will, and intelligence. As this energy presence rises, it begins to come into contact with a host of blockages which you suspect are the result of unresolved issues from your past hardened into dark rock- like stones which you had forgotten had been lain there. These are seen for what they are and cast aside, and as this happens, this presence/energy drives upwards through the chakra chain. Suddenly, one day, the energy is ringing your heart. You have this odd certainty that this energy is attempting to fold itself into you, to bring about some inner change in you, and its a result of this connection to this other person, someone who feels like they fit into some long since forgotten void, like a puzzle piece so well fit that when you feel your inner self it gets hard to know where this person ends and you begin. Thus, the term "Twin Soul." This is not about knowing as much as it is about feeling and trusting what it is you are feeling. Its as if the invisible world is suddenly coming to life in a way that is both disconcerting yet oddly familiar.

Over time there is no question something is happening. This twin is connected to you and will sometimes tell you things about you that you have never told anyone else before. Whatsmore, your energy body does not feel the same. There is a growing sense of radiance, of intense bliss that comes in waves. At its root, it is intensely sexual, and the energy moves upward as it is "filtered" or modulated through the different centers (or chakras) until it reaches the top of the head where the energy loops back around in perfect torus-like shape to begin the cycle again. At its root this experience is an energetic one, and makes one feel as though there is a divinity to human sexual experience, that a large part of the sexual experience had simply been missed in prior physical experiences. In time, this nonphysical union feels far more blissful, more majestic and right than any physical experience before it. Its as though they physical and spiritual aspects of this experience overlap, but the inner merging that happens moment by moment in the mundane passing of time with these two people offers something that is head and shoulders above mere sex. Over time, as this energy situates itself in you, you feel a steady stream of near orgasmic energy moving through you. This takes time, and a whole lot of thinking that your libido just suddenly shot through the roof. Instead of one big burst of orgasmic release, this experience offers a slower, gentler but steady sense of orgasmic flow that seems most at home when allowed to simply be without any physical encouragement. It feels as though by letting this gentle flow move through you that you steadily increase your ability to feel its force in your ongoing. While it can be incredibly distracting at first, learning how to steady its force instead of letting the energy fly free like horses unbridled is important for developing a state of balance with this new presence in your life.

What many people say they experience is the divinity in this inner spiritual union, and often with someone they may have never met! (its very easy for onlookers to think that this is just a weird infatuation). What's so striking about the process this connection takes is how the presence of an energy which feels at once raw and powerful and also subtle and gentle and finely tuned awakens one to a slew of issues concerning ones spirituality and inner being. Suddenly, the gnostic texts begin to take on new meaning. Twins see something more to what Thomas described the Master as saying when he spoke of the left hand becoming the right, the male becoming the female. It feels as though, at a deep and fundamental level, as if two souls (or divided halves of a larger whole?) have been joined or reunited and that this union generates a third energy which has a sense of presence, a divine triad, if you will. It comes as no surprise to twins that the Taoists spoke of this union and the creation of this sacred third. Many feel that they are experiencing Christ Consciousness, or at least some aspect of it. This experience turns many people's notions of Christ on its head for the fact that this experience can feel so incredibly sexual. It has led to a lot of acting out while trying to come to grips with what it all means. Many twins are aware that there is a very real force that is masculine and feminine in the universe, that these are basic to how energy of all kinds interact. What twins experience, they feel, is just an extension of a divine reality that may well fly in the face of traditional dogma, but which they feel is the true vine, the real facts about our soulhood or inner being.

Twins are engaged, in the day to day, with something I'd call a cosmic game of badmitten. They are batting back and forth their energies, and as the masculine energy interacts with the feminine and vica versa, greater energy is produced (it feels catalytic and it creates in my mind all manner of images to explain what's going on with the energy...images of rivers flowing into the sea, of salty water meeting fresh, of polar opposites meshing and generating a sudden reaction like an explosion.....but curiously subdued....as if "exploding" is not the point, but driving this energy through us in a constructive way is. This is in no way predicated on physical contact, and while the sensations are more subtle than the act of physical union, eventually the presence of this experience builds to a great height, and if lucky, the twins are able to better tune their own energy fields in order to allow for more even flows of this cosmic energy. When the energy is built up between the two, all manner of things can manifest. In my case, I had definate physical effects. I had been having some problems just before the twin encounter with what felt was a drop in hormone output, resulting in depression for the first time in my life as well as sexual dysfunction. I had just been to the doctor to have this looked into to see what could be done when the twin experience came crashing into my life. That doctor's visit quickly became a distant memory as I felt invigorated not just sexually, but physically ( started reading up in the concept of Qi in eastern texts to see if perhaps I was tapping life force energy...interestingly I saw some similarities with these Qi masters and the health benefits they were said to enjoy as a result of channeling this energy in a more conscious way through their being). I could not escape the feeling that this was as nature had intended, even though I had some residual guilt as a result probably from my upbringing as a Christian as it related to the sexual nature or side to this experience. I began to feel, though, that we had simply gotten it all wrong, or that the "truth" may have been hidden all along because some priesthood somewhere felt that the great unwashed simply could not wrap their heads around an experience such as this. I suppose Jesus did the same thing, hinting over and over that there were some things he would tell his disciples that he would not tell the general public.

I think that its entirely possible that we have not been told the whole story, that the concept of the Christ is more about a natural state, slumbering for the moment, within the hearts and bodies of all human beings, and that this is not about ideology or one religion over another, but part of who we are and part of what we could become, but I suspect that the path to this state has been obfuscated either purposefully or through missunderstanding. To say what Jesus offered was revolutionary is probably an understatement. When Thomas asks the Master to tell him the deeper things about life, they go off for a time to discuss these matters out of ear shot of the others. When he returned the disciples all asked what he had said to Thomas. Thomas replied that if he were to tell them what he had been told, they would surely want to stone him. This to me is very telling. No wonder, then, that the concept of the bridal chamber is so often missunderstood by those who have not experienced divine sexuality. After all, we have been told by countless traditions that sex is a necessary evil, dirty, and tied to original sin in the case of Christianity. Its part of what makes us weak, not strong. We then have to subjugate our will to some other person's in order to get out of the hole of sin we find ourselves in.

I have suspected for years that the ressurection has more to do with energizing ourselves, bringing us into a higher vibratory frequency or state of consciousness, and that by building up our capacity for holding greater and greater amounts of energy can cause us to pass over into higher and higher thresholds of awareness. Jesus spoke of a kingdom that was all around us and within us, yet few saw. I grew up thinking that the kingdom was heaven. You have to die to get to heaven, right? Imagine my interest in the gnostic texts when the Master spoke in terms of the ressurection needing to happen BEFORE we die. Much is said about people in the Nag about their normal state as like being "dead" but are ressurected by a process that was only hinted at, probably because it would have just been too scandalous and would also have made people more self sufficient and at peace....perhaps too at peace to want to join a church or depend upon a priest to help them in their spiritual life. What this experience does for me is to awaken gnosis as a living thing in my life. I wont pretend to have all the answers, but I know I have one and its an amazing mystery. It is not understood by trying to analyze it or crack it open like a rich fruit, but whose presence must simply be experienced and observed much as one would observe a butterfly flitting from bush to bush, flower to flower, instead of trying to kill it to dissect it in a hope of better understanding how it works. Once that is done, the thing you were looking for is completely lost.

What I find curious about this twin experience is how more and more people are beginning to experience this phenomenon. It feels almost as though something is up, like something is happening with all these people experiencing the same thing. There are certainly enough hallmarks for most twins to recognize it in another person when they see it. Was it perhaps that Jesus was not here to save us, but to show us a way to save ourselves, to begin awakening that hidden potential within all of us that happens to deal heavily with the issue of the divine feminine and masculine and bringing those within a unity? Could these joinings be a clue to the lock and key nature of our being that could lead to a reformation of the self?

Thank you for being willing to wade through this.

Thanks for your inspiring, beautiful post

It makes a lot of sense to me. Even Lao Tzu spoke of the need to unify yin and yang, and said that some would be taught "angelic dual cultivation" (intercourse), while others would be taught a solo path. There are also two "tantra" versions.

It seems my path is to be the dual one...so I'm a bit envious of your experience. Wink

Just curious. Were you practicing any degree of sexual self-control before this experience began? Any thoughts on *why* it began?

Feel free to start a blog, and copy this post there, too.

Thanks,
Marnia

Not long ago I wrote a reply

Not long ago I wrote a reply but had a computer issue with a freeze and lost it all.

So to be brief, I was not practicing anything related to controlling the O, no. I was in fact having trouble in that department and once the connection began to happen in earnest, all of that became a distant memory.

As for the "why" issue, we could probably poke sticks at that one all day and never be fully sure. One thing I do know is that events in my life presaged this connection in an interesting way. The skeptic could say I am making this all up because I had some fantasy in my head about a twin years ago, or that I was hearing thoughts telling me about something that was a part of me. What I do know is the experience is unlike anything I have encountered, and while under the influence of the energy I get all kinds of ideas flooding my head. The most basic and simple one is that we are all interconnected and that our assumptions about how this world is composed is on average askew. This however is a very personal thing, and I find myself not wanting to prosletize too much because part of me knows we all reach this in our own time and in our own way. I do, however, feel a great connection to some of the gnostic texts when they speak of the ressurection and the kingdom. Also that part about making the left the right, the female the male, etc (Thomas) resonates very strongly.

The one thing I have found as do others in this twin thing is that the energy is so strong, it does not matter if there is even three orgasms in a day, the energy is so strong sometimes it just doesn't seem to make a difference (and as a result some people stop trying to get relief in this way since it doesn't really reduce the flow of this energy anyway). It does seem, though, that something trigger this and this is an energetic experience that opens you up to something sublime and altogether difficult of articulate. "Love" would be the best way to cop out of this one because it is certainly waht its all about, but its a love of a very different kind.....it feels cosmic...big. Almost as if you are hooking into an endless network (remember the part about creation being interwoven? I think this probably has something to do with this). Anyway.

I did come across an article on male continence in my search to understand what I was going througha little better, and most of it made sense to me. The orgasm bit, though, has not created this sense of "death" or feeling hollow as it once did. But then, what I am feeling and responding to now was never present in the way it is nowadays.

If Your story is not......

...... a beautiful piece of fiction - in which case i congratulate You for the excellent creativity and prose - then there is not the shadow of a doubt in my mind that You have just met the historic challenge that every Human Being has been facing since the day of the Biblical "fall": undoing God's surgery.

May i join Marnia in expressing You the interest of knowing the sexual dynamics leading to Your experience.

Most sincerely,

jb Mirabile-caruso.

I want to explain that my

I want to explain that my writing here is not intended in any way to negate or question any one else's experience as it relates to spiritual or sexual/sensual issues. However, I will simply say it how I have experienced it, with the understanding that I do not have all the answers, and that my perceptions could either be flawed or incomplete. I also lean on experience rather than the dictums of others for defining or trying to understand what's been happening to me.

So that said, I do feel all roads lead to Oz, and one path might be longer, but may also be absolutely necessary for you as someone else's path might lead to lessons that simply do not apply to what it is that you need to know or experience. That sounded pretty New Age-ish, but its something I do feel is important. I just want to say I respect others' experience and do not wish to suggest that anyone's experience is off the mark or any of that by telling my story.

First, though, understand that when I feel this energy I often get these ideas which feel correct....a deep gut feeling....and I am used to listening to intuition and the gut....but I treat these not as gospel, but as a series of things that I keep held in a pen for a time to see if they indeed have any applicability to my unfolding experience. Its easy I think when dealing with such internalized material to jump to conclusions, and I think there is a natural process (time) which will help winnow out the chaff from the wheat.

I wish that there was a way I could bottle this so anyone could feel it. My gut says that there IS a way, but that its a process that we are not familiar with and may not trust since we are so focused in the physical senses on balance. Most of the feelings and sensation come from within in regards to this, as though there is some channel for this energy which enlivens and sensitizes a person. Understand that this does not make you instantly psychic, although some of these things can and do happen. It does not instantly make you a better person; your ego remains intact but it seems the energy seekes to reform you in order that this energy can better flow through the channels. A person does go through changes, and some of them are difficult, but there is no method, no guru (I am reminded of a great song by Van Morrison called No Guru No Method No Teacher which is apt here). Systems are there for a reason, and they can be incredibly helpful. In my case, there did not seem to be anyway to pigeon-hole the experience so I went by feel. I did find that many others were going through this same phenomenon and many of the things they felt were the same things I had felt. Odd things....like something was being created through such interactions, like a field of energy was being created that was at once universal and specific to the individual.....and that this experience up-ends your world and causes you to change your view on how things work (for you), as well as some odd energy things such as the blue light coming from a twin to another twin that seems connected to their third eye. These were all pretty normal folks before this happened, and their lives thrown sometimes into chaos and bliss all at once. Its not easy to deal with becuase everything feels so accelerated. Everything happens so fast. You connect with a person you have never met and feel instantly at home with their feel. You sense their feelings, sometimes their thoughts.....what was once weird becomes commonplace and you still ask "what's the purpose of all of this anyway????"

Now the sticky part....

Most involved in this "twin" experience (and this is just a hook to hang your hat on, who knows what it really is) do not talk about holding back orgasm when the inner connection grows strong. In fact, orgasm does little to bleed the energy away. The little death. The energy drops some, but when the two are properly engaged with one another energetically (this is usually across the miles...no physical sex taking place apart from manual release) it actually feels like you could engage in sex again right after orgasm. The feeling, though, is not tied to the physical, but is an energy which when it hits your lower chakras creates a feeling of arousal albeit different than the physical arousal but a very close analog to it.....this is what I think of as astral or spiritual arousal, and perhaps is what tantra is all about sex being a stepping stone to the "deeper" experience that tantra can offer.....and this is just my take on tantra, not being a practitioner of it just an avid reader. But the energy which leads to arousal is the result of the energetic interactions of the two and while this energy moves through the physical providing benefits and effects (physical arousal for one), the deeper stuff starts with the energy body, or soul.

Now I know.......having four orgasms in a day and not feeling like it has knocked down this energy in the least might lead some to wonder if there isn't something wrong with you. This is not a compulsion, or addiction, although its incredibly addicting. It is seen as the carrot and the stick. The carrot is the blissfulness of the energy and what it makes you feel. It gets you engaged with another in this tantric dance, the lure, and once the energy is in you, it begins to point out the problems that exist in your energy field.

Thoughts are things, and thoughts have energy. No energy is lost, it is simply transformed like so much universal clay. That's my take. So an thoughts or feelings that you have not dealt with get shoved back into the depths of you and can become like fossilized stones that ultimately block the flow of this energy. When this energy was first moving through me it was as if someone else, a sublime but very subtle intelligence was connected to the energy. This was in no way something that caused me to feel threatened. It was gentle but it did not feel like it had identity in the way we think of it in the physical. It becomes very easy for me to think of this energy as being the creative force or some aspect of it. For now, that idea gets put in that holding pen until I experience differently....but it does feel like some subtle something is moving with the energy and pointing out where the problems are. As each little knot is dealt with, there is a corresponding opening that changes the nature of how this energy seems to flow. It feels a lot like removing stones from the path of a river or creek. It suddenly flows with less turbulence and friction. We have lived with that condition for so long that we forget what the natural state is. I have joked that this energyg was like a prairie fire in my soul which when allowed to burn through all the grass of my being revealled a landscape dotted with all these stones I had not seen before. these stones had to looked at and recognized for what they were before the energy would go any further up the chakra chain.

All of this has a natural feel to it.....and as such, you do not need a book or teacher to tell you what to do next. However, it DOES mean you have to be incredibly perceptive about what stone it is that is blocking the way and know what that invovles. But sometimes its by trial and error, feeling your way around. I suspected that my heart chakra was not opening due to some trauma as a child. it was like banging my head against a wall for a while. I was so used to having that area clogged from all the crap that I laid there years ago, that I didn't even know it was unatural to have that stuff blocking the way. I found that by letting go of the hurt by crying it out, by recognizing my pain fully, that I was able to open the heart. When I did I instantly accessed a feeling that I had not had since I was about 6 years of age. This is a feeling and is thus hard to explain or describe, but I always lamented the loss of that feeling as part of growing up or something. It was a feeling of sheer joy and a soaring quality to my being. I had no limits and there was a purity that led back to my being a small child. After that experience, I felt some part of me open way up. It was not long after that, though, that the energy was sitting idle in another area, waiting for me to clear the road so it could move upwards.

That's how it has presented itself to me. Its work. Healing. Sometimes we just don't want to do that work.....and to what end? In the end you can feel empty! Empty because you got so used to all the detritous of your being previously. For whatever reason, this energy seems to be oriented in such a way that it does this to people. It did to me. I felt like I was saying goodbye to my old life, and felt like my world was crumbling. But the old life died and a new life was ressurected.

In the ngostic texts Jesus speaks of people as though they are dead, and then are ressurected. Its not that they are physically dead, but that some part of them was not fully energized or awakened. For as radical as this might sound, the sexual is one important method or channel for healing ourselves and discovering the greater unity of ourselves in relation to one another and to the universe. A peace comes, an unsteady peace, because once things grow calm one feels that this is just the eye of the storm. What's next? One does not always know. Its all through feeling that one makes your way. A lot of this feels like flying blind, but guided by something but what that is.....hard to say. It feels anonymous in some ways, a great mystery, and yet it is calm and caring, and seems available but does not push itself to be known. That part, I think, is up to our own perceptive abilities. Maybe we have to be ready for it.

I don't know if what I am saying is making any sense. It feels as if something has bloomed inside of you......but what it is, who knows. it seems formless, a feeling, and yet when it flows into you, all kinds of images are created which attempt to explain it or describe it.

Let me explain that the year before all this came down, there were hints and signs that something was up. I had this feeling like the world was coming to an end, that I was getting signs that I needed to get ready for something. This was so hard to navigate because I had this sense that my insides were beginning to awaken.....as if something very important was happening and I needed to wake up and wake up fast! How is that for delusional thinking? But this feeling persisted, and since my mind was a less than perfect lense for this stuff coming through me and into my life, I assumed that it had to do with something very serious. I began to feel like I had been led to this place for a reason. What I found, though, was that the world WAS going to change, and that the world IS changing very fast right now, but that it was not as dire as I had thought.

Following this was what I call my "A Christmas Carol" dream. In one night I dealt with all of the issues in my life that had been bothering me. My relationships both to people and even the work I do were examined. At the end of this I was led into a house that was in a desert surround that looked like Arizona or New Mexico. The house was adobe and me and another person who was unseen but by my side led me upstairs which led to an open place near the roof. On a deck or vernada there was a being in a robe with a man sitting beside him, a helper of some kind. As I stood there, the person sitting slumped over began to wail and got increasingly agitated at my presence. I understood that this was my own personal demon. I did not go away and he got so upset that he finally launched himself to a full standing position and threw away the robe that covered him. His arms reached up into the air to reveal that he had these wings attaching his arms to his sides. All over his body were these symbols I could not understand that were like tatoos in old blue (what I took to be woad, a material used long ago to make tatoos). This being was taller than I and was quite scary. He reminded me very much of the being called Voldermort in the Harry Potter books. This got to be too much and I turned tail and ran from the building out of fear of what my presence there might cause this being to do.

Upon awakening, I had days, weeks, months, of sobering thoughts to deal with. You meet your own demon and instead of it being a little ankle biter, its huge! It was to say the least a humbling experience.....and also a little intimidating. I felt that I was being shown the "truth" of my situation and the fact that I had a lot of work to do. Clearly, I felt as though some inventory was being made by my conscious mind through dream, a means of clearing away the detritous of my life. This is the hard work. The bliss one feels as being one half of another in an engine of what feels to be divine energy ( creative and thus also highly sexual at times) and these two seems to go hand in hand. Without the bliss egging me on, would I have ever gotten up out of bed and wanted to do something to change my life?

This experience underscores, at least for me, our ability to communicate at "deeper" or more fundamental levels with each other. It also points to the validity of the soul and that we are spiritual creatures enmeshed in a physical experience which may well have gotten away from the more subtle understandings of our divine heritage.....and that an experience such as this as well as many others can act as touch stones to our greater.....being. This experience makes me very much believe that there is a "kingdom" which is all around us, sometimes so subtle that it exists right under our noses until something, a question, or a soul contract, awakens it. But we are, I believe, all sharing in a common heritage as spiritual beings and this heritage is encoded in our souls, is the very energy that pulses through us, through rocks and leaves and water and animates flesh and sings through the stars. This information feels holographic and writ into every being even if that being is not currently aware of its presence. Its our paths in this and other lives that may or may not lead us to that doorway. And honestly, it does not seem that I did anything to bring this on, but instead was something planned for me, perhaps by my soul, or by some "larger" or greater awareness. It could be that I have a part of me that has been for so long buried and hidden from myself that when I encounter it it feels like its something seperate from me......but none of us are seperate in my opinion. We each have carved out a shape to this energy which creates our identities and personalities in this life and other lives beyond this, but the river that flows through me is common to us all, and waking up to that river seems to me to be the first step in understanding what seems to be an utter mystery.

Like that makes any sense???

Thanks for sharing your experience

I'm fascinated, and also still confused about the mundane logistics. You've not *met* this twin in person, or talked to your twin on the phone, right?:-) You "connect" on some other level and masturbate to orgasm as frequently as you like?

I'm always intrigued to see where the separation lies in relationships. Is it possible for two partners to align body, mind and spirit? And can this be done with frequent orgasm in the picture? I know this seems an irrelevant, foolishly petty question from your perspective,;-) but I've been listening for years, too, and I'm not sure your experience thus far disproves what I've been learning. I'm not suggesting this should trouble you in the least. Just trying to see where our various experiences intersect...or not.

For most of our odd

For most of our odd connection time, twin and I had not met but were quite sure of our connection due to the signs I would get on a regular basis.

I have met this person, now, yes. We are not together, its just not something that will work for us right now, but we share this odd but....I don't have a good adjective....for this...

But I would call it a long distance interaction as far as the phyiscal aspect is concerned. On the inside I would say we share the same space pretty much. hard to describe, but its about as intimate as I have felt with another person. It can also feel a little clausterphobic sometimes just because you are not accustomed to having the sense of someone else there energetically. Over time this goes away and you feel like you are some kind of three legged race or journey with this person even though you are not together.

The feeling is like that of a puzzle piece.....there is a feeling attached that feels magnetic to me, and I feel it in my solar plexus. ...but there is a connecting that happens.....hard to tell one begins and the other ends.

More as I have time....

"I know this seems an

"I know this seems an irrelevant, foolishly petty question from your perspective"

It does not seem so to me because I think that there is no one persective or form of experience that is "the" way. I'm just trying to keep up with this thing that is happening, and trying to make the most sense out of it that I can.

Let me clarify something. I was on a forum that dealt with an issue that was not in any way related to sexual issues or even anything deeply spiritual. It was a community of people and I had some questions that I felt like I needed answers. I noticed this person as an anonymous handle on a board, but there was nothing beyond that. Then, a series of internal events took place that resulted in my feeling like I was somehow picking up on this person. Whatsmore, I felt like she could pick up on me, feel me. I was at the time kind of freaked out by this and said nothing about it. I found that when I did start talking about the odd things that were happening, she would always agree. I became highly skeptical. For all I knew this could just be a lonely person with a nutty (and maybe perceptive) person (me) on the other end. It began to resolve in my mind what this was when she began writing to me "Today at three I felt a wave of sadness and need to check with you to see if you are okay. Were you crying?" Indeed I had, and crying for me is unusual so for her to pick out the time was big in my book. But this was just the beginning of many "proofs" that we were picking up on each other. The point here is that at a certain point I went from skeptical to wondering what the purpose was of this, or the nature of it.

So from the beginning the "interactions" were going on all the time, we just were not in physical proximity. Further, we felt like we were hooked into an energy that wasn't just sexual, its possible that it was just.....a stronger frequency....a vibration strong enough that you begin to feel it all over your "body" or energy body. Suddenly, this sensual feeling is not limitted to one area as it is in the physical body but can sweep all over you. Its a close analog to sexual feelings, but is not EXACTLY it. We feel, absent being together that the Presence of this thing does something for us, to us, that is beneficial. We both felt as though something was missing and that empty place was filled once the energy came along....which is what we call "us."

I think that its possible that by practicing the no orgasm technique that one could well build up one's capacity for ever greater amounts of this energy, and the energy itself reaches a point where its about as blissful as orgasm??? When I feel the flow of this energy its like you have taken an orgasm and stretched it waaaaay out, like something that was this fat burst of energy and stretched it out amazingly thin such that it trickles through you. This is what this feels like very often. Sometimes its so strong that I do things like forget where I put my luggage, or what it was I was doing five minutes before. It takes some doing to keep focused. I think we learn over time how to carry this energy all the time without its getting to us. But this is kept down low. Thus far the energy retains its.....ability to keep one sensitive, and I think this is because the material the soul is made of is different from the body. Something about its pitch or vibration....I have yet to really tire of it. That is, it does not seem to deaden any part of me....or grow bored, etc.

I do think that it opens doors to other things, which twin has not been the most happy about, but these new interactions with others (again, people I had not met but tuned into) seemed to offer healing in certain areas of my life. Too long of a story, but it seems that there is a design at least to those connections that have happened thus far. It has led to a deepening of how I connect with twin, also.

The vast percentage of people going through this do not meet and stay with their twin. There seems to always be some challenge that keeps them apart. Some just can't handle the intensity. It is intense to be around them. It seems that for many, its not JUST about a physical relationship, but about relating the self to some other dominion of self, to these interactions. It seems the point is to push the self hard in order for it to grow. I don't know to what end, but perhaps as an end in and of itself. I have met a set of twins who were together and it was pretty incredible the energy that was coming off of them. The hardest part in this in the beginning is that you suddenly feel as though you know someone not from the outside in, but from the inside out and thus you feel as though you know their innermost self. Its not easy when you meet in the phyiscal....someone you feel you know so well, and yet do not know. Its weird, especially at first.

I have come to feel very strongly that masculine end feminine energies are not just something that pop up in the physical, but are two poles to something that echoes down through the halls of creation and can be seen in how electricity works, how energy behaves, how souls are made, and that for some reason, souls might well divide along their middles making a male and female, which come back into some form of unity. What we feel is love, but its not the kind of love that we felt before in the physical. Suddenly everyone is a potential god and godess and are incredibly beautiful. This sounds so corny....but when we say love, is this just the pulse of life in creation? A kind of everpresent type of love, an energy that isn't about teddy bears and butterflies, but is also raw and powerful like how spring melts out of the mountains can go from a trickle to a torrent and can carry many things away as a result.....

I agree

that male and female energies are larger forces we have yet to fully understand. It can certainly fun studying them, though. Smile

Through all of this, though,

Through all of this, though, the issue of orgasm seems sometimes beside the point, which is one reason for my interest in the technique of continence or holding back orgasm.

For me, it seems that whatever this thing is that I have gone through, it has awakened some inner sense or sensitized some part of me that is beginning to show that in some cases, that communication through nonphysical means through this energetic field is possible. Its very easy I think for me to read into it to find some "answer" as to why this is happening, but for myself being able to connect from the inside seems to be important somehow....that it underlines our heritage as spiritual beings, independant (as well as dependant on) from the physical. One day I feel I am like an island, the next I feel the surge of the ocean against all my edges and realize it is this ocean that connects us all even if we seem to be seperate.

It would seem to me that allowing the energy to build up within the energy body, to develop a capacity for ever greater amounts of this tantric creative force could have many benefits, as well as opening up the energy centers to allow for a clearer and more powerful flow to be more a matter of course. Seems to me.

Awakening the Light Body. A

Awakening the Light Body.

A very simple yet potent meditation that I discovered involves a process that begins to awaken and build energy into the light body. You do not have to use rituals and you do not have to call on deities or any of that. I suspect that it works with meridians and how the hands have a play in how energy moves through us.

Relaxed, place your hands together. Keep your mind as still as you can and think of only your hands together. In fact, concentrate on the point where your hands come together, the 'space' where your hands meet. Put your attention on, and keep it in that place, for as long as you can.
You do not need to think of anything else. This alone will tend to begin to awaken something in you.

The really hard part is to keep your attention on the space where your hands meet even if things start to happen. It is in fact very hard for us to keep our minds so singularly focused, so if you slip out of it, don't worry, simply put your mind back and try to refocus and keep your attention there.
You might begin to see results right away, and it might take a number of tries before you feel as though anything is happening. But don't overanalyze what happens. If it helps you to imagine yourself surrounded by light before this exercise, then do so, or feel free to use whatever visualizations you feel you need. What happens, though, is that there is a state very hard to explain that has any number of images attached. You might feel a rush of energy, a flash of light. You might even hear a voice speaking. Most often whatever it is that is happening will cease the moment you put your attention upon it. The real trick to this is being aware of it without putting your attention on it in a singular fashion. Doing so creates something called Quantum Collapse. The enrrgy that has built up that is beginning to behave in a wave form collapses due to its being watched or obeserved. Consider yourself less a watcher and more someone who feels whatever phenomenon comes more as one might feel a breeze. You feel it, but you do not try to analyze it.

You can practice this technique while in full wakefulness by simply holding your hands together, perhaps even just a few fingers on the hand while waiting in the grocery line. It is my suspicion that this technique could begin to help identify those blocks that need moving in order to allow for a freer flow of energy. It can be cathartic as well as healing. It can bring on insightful dreams sometimes, and the person who showed me the technique said it is best not to give up the technique after you begin getting solid results from it since it is harder to get back into it once begun than if starting anew (his experience).