Submitted by ArcticFox on
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Hello all,

I have been an orgasm junkie for 15 years. It ruined my studies, work and relationships. Now I have decided to get rid of the problem. In one way or another.

I recently went through 24 days without orgasm. The withdrawal symptoms I experienced were general anxiety, restless legs, insomnia and an itchy feeling in my genitals. The itchy feeling was by far the worst of these.

A few times I masturbated lightly but without orgasm. It took the itch away for a while. Long walks had the same but longer effect. The downside was that I tended to overestimate my condition and had several inflammations in my leg muscles. On the day 25 the itching got unbearable and I masturbated until I had an orgasm.

Now it's the first day of a new attempt. Hopefully I will finally reach the balance.

A Question about your withdrawal symptoms...

Hello, ArticFox!

I'm intrigued that your toughest symptom was physical -- the itch. My emotional symptoms are so intensely painful that I can hardly imagine the physical struggles. Can you say more about your emotional or mental withdrawal during this time and how you negotiated them?

Thanks and all best on your onward journey!

Emotions

[quote=vlepo]Can you say more about your emotional or mental withdrawal during this time and how you negotiated them?
[/quote]

I did get depressed and suicidal sometimes but that's something that happened even when I was regularly masturbating. This feeling didn't increase the urge.

Sometimes I was very tense and distant and didn't feel like talking to others. I stared at the infinity and barely heard what others were saying. People were asking if something was wrong with me (I haven't told anyone). I didn't find it difficult to cope with this feeling either. I'm not a very social person anyway so the difference wasn't that dramatic...

At times I was just dying to have a hug. Being able to hug my 7-year-old niece helped a lot.

All in all, the emotional withdrawal symptoms were quite bearable and without the physical symptoms I probably would have managed to abstain for considerably longer.

I don't know if it's a good or a bad sign that I'm getting used to depression and anxiety. They have been an essential part of my life for so long.

A question is...

I guess a question is, are you interested in relating to your historic depression and anxiety a different way? Do you want to be so used to it that you don't know if it is a good or bad thing? Can you envision a new way of relating to and experiencing yourself?

I tend to think that this is the value of having all of these exchanges with various people. We offer new ways of experiencing old patterns to one another. Coming from different places may help. For example, I'm so fascinated by your description of yourself as being not very social and seemingly not very affectionate, since I am extremely social and extremely affectionate. In a sense, I am a social and affection genius! I feel that I could teach you the joys and health of both.

But then I look to you and think how much I'd like to learn what you've mastered -- this idea of being perfectly OK with yourself outside of social contact. Obviously, the goal is one of balance. I don't need to be social all the time and actually need and very much appreciate periods of alone time.

I wonder if your depression and anxiety help to keep you from confronting your fears of becoming more social? I mean, so long as you see yourself as having such problems, perhaps it protects you from the less familiar and scarier prospect of having to deal with other people and the expected and inevitable disappointment that comes with all that.

Similarly, I wonder if my felt need for constant sexual and romantic attention keeps me from my scarier and less familiar prospect of having to deal with all of my self-doubts. I mean, so long as I'm fussed over by the excitement of vibrant social contacts ( and believe me, it is so fun and easy for me!) perhaps I don't have to deal with all the negative internalized beliefs I have about myself ( and believe me, there are quite a not, most of which I don't even really believe! Ha!)

I think coming from different bents can be helpful. My coaching lecture to you might be -- get off your ass and face the tough game of socializing! Be afraid but push yourself anyway!

Whereas, maybe your coaching lecture to me might be -- stop running to others to avoid being with yourself! Sit there long enough with yourself to see all the good that is actually there! Give it a chance, damn it! :)

Just some thoughts!

Best!

Being social

I have realised that I often do use my mental problems as an excuse not to contact others. I tell myself that meeting other people is pointless since I will just sit there speechless and make myself look like an idiot. The truth, however, is that I am able to build social relationships. It's just that I am slower than others. And perhaps more selective.

Thinking that someone might be interested in having a romantic relationship with me is often the kind of driving force which gets me off my ass. The anxiety vanishes and I become more active and talkative. Too bad that I often spoil a good friendship by trying to go too far too quickly. I suppose getting rid of orgasm addiction would help in that sense as well. I could see the talking as something valuable and not just as a prelude to sex.

On Being Social

Despite most people's fears, one of the most important skills in being social is NOT talking, but listening. Your being naturally quiet and slow to speak is the biggest gift! You don't see it because you are only worried about how you are coming off. Turn it around: focus on the other person. They are not thinking about whether or not your look or sound stupid. They just want to be listened to. This is perhaps the biggest secret behind socially successful people. But we can only see it when we stop thinking only of ourselves.

A Question about your withdrawal symptoms...

Hello, ArticFox!

I'm intrigued that your toughest symptom was physical -- the itch. My emotional symptoms are so intensely painful that I can hardly imagine the physical struggles. Can you say more about your emotional or mental withdrawal during this time and how you negotiated them?

Thanks and all best on your onward journey!

Hi Foxy

Welcome. You're all set to blog if you need to: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

The theme for today is, "you may think that you're just learning to pass up porn, but the real gift here is balance." Balance means healthy contact with others, and greater peace when you're on your own.

The goal is NOT to become a monk. Stay connected with others. You can't change your mammalian brain. Your brain is set up to feel better when connected to tribe members and to pair-bond with mates. It evolved over millions of years - and we only lost our tribes 10 thousand years ago. Don't try to starve it of these key sources of well-being, or you will continue to be drawn to more extreme stimuli to fill "the hole."

Vlepo, sounds like part of you knows this. Seems like your challenge is just the addiction (neurochemical imbalance) itself. I suspect you'll soon have that sorted (couple months max). Trust that your balance will increase. Meanwhile, though, it will sometimes feel like you're getting *more* needy. That's normal during withdrawal.

Keep getting those hugs guys!!! Smile