I have been seriously addicted to porn and have had a huge masturbation problem for many, many years. It has now been 10 days since I last had an orgasm or viewed porn. The period has been very challenging especially the last few days. I have actually masturbated but not climaxed. There are times when I really feel like giving up and the only thing that stops me is the thought that I know that I so desperately need to change my life, that failing in this might devastate me. I believe my main disadvantages are that I am unemployed at the moment and have very limited access to other people. The city I abide in also has the reputation of being difficult regarding contact with others. Without this site and the help from Marnia and other members I believe I wouldn’t have made it this far.
Some members on this site refer to a big change happening somewhere down the line after a time of abstinence from p&m (porn and masturbation). Maybe one of my problems is that I find this hard to believe and therefore lack a stronger motivation to continue to fight p&m. I believe that the fact that I cut out the p&m will be very beneficial in the long run but I cannot believe that it itself will lead to great changes without other things changing too.
I am a natural skeptic, this doesn’t help my plight.
List of changes I have felt recently:
More sensitive to feelings (surroundings)
Volatile mood swings
Appreciate much more the beauty of women.
More determined to find a job.
I believe that abstaining from p&m will give me more determination to sort out my life because I will be so desperate for a woman that I will need to boost my self image enough to achieve this. Abstaining from p&m will give me more energy to do this. An alcoholic doesn’t see his life change just because he stops drinking. It’s because he is doing other things, meeting other people, and, for many, has found God. What makes a gambler’s or a compulsive shopper’s life different after they quit throwing money away is not the money but the new ways in which they spend it. For me the porn was the money and masturbation the product. Like any addict who’s going through withdrawal, the challenge is to find something to fill the gap that the addiction has left behind. That gap is bigger for some than for others. That’s what the help organizations do, they help fill the gap and they motivate. Relapses are not only caused by the brain screaming out for it’s dopamine dose but through sheer boredom. Boredom is the residue of abstinence, the by-product of dopamine deficiency. Boredom is the devil. This site ‘reunited’ not only motivates but helps fill the boring gap. [ying]