Submitted by Seeker on
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i made it 7 days without orgasm thats as long as i have gone in 20+ years.

but the start of day 8 went bad. I was getting ready for work and when i went to the bathroom to pee shave and brush teeth something strange happened. I started precumming and could not stop. after and few minutes i started to shiver and shaking out of control like i was having an orgasm. this went on for over 10 minutes just standing there in orgasm. The only thing i could do to make it stop was to finish it off with masturbating.

it was very intersting if diaspointing expierence. oh well i guess its back to day 1

any insight would be helpful

oh yeah hello this is my first post here. ( hope i didnt have to many errors in a rush and a little upset i failed at 7 days)

You should be proud of yourself

You should be proud of yourself for making it the furthest you have in 20+years. That's a big accomplishment. It's natural to feel a little upset but the feeling will disappear soon so keep your head up and you'll get through this. I'm sure this time around you'll make it further. Keep persisting and well done on making it to 7 days!

Welcome!

It's amazing what the body can get up to when you start to apply the brakes. Remember, you have laid down a strong neural pathway in your brain that says, "RELIEF THIS WAY -->" pointing to orgasm. Your brain is going to keep trying to head down that trail for a while. Wink

Just enjoy the ride and observe the process. And good for you for having the courage to experiment!

And also,

don't forget that spending time with friends and close people helps ease the withdrawal! Do a search on this site for "oxytocin" (the bonding chemical) if you haven't already. You've come to the right place, many of us here are fighting the same fight and can offer you great tips in your struggle.

Chris

thank you

ok let me start with thank you.

i have never talked about any of this kind of stuff with anyone so things may just flood out and i get long winded.

ok back a few days...

i did not find this site till my 4th day. after reading a good bit on this site i understood some of the things going on with this addiction.
well everything i read fit. how you feel after orgasm ( still feel a bit funny typing that out). I had not noticed till i stopped how much energy it drains from you. well yesterday was day 7. I could not believe the energy and clarity i had all week a work i was is very good spirits all week.
It was very nice even with the pounding need to release. I could feel how different i was and it was a good feeling. Well we come to this morning and bam it was one of the most amazing things i have every experienced (once it started i could not stop it that still does not help the fact that i did orgasm :( ). Well after that i made my first post on here :) . take a breathe. I now know what this addiction has been doing to me for so long its scary. I felt much the way many people describe. I was week and foggy, fuzzy, did not feel in control (the first part of the week i was felt like i could take on the world) i was a total wreck all day and to tell the truth i took off early cause i just could not take it anymore.
Well more bad on the way home same thing my body went nuts and when i got home i was at it as fast as i could get my close off and sank into that abyss again. oh i not going to lie i made it last a long time and it felt amazing ... until it was over then i felt all that energy loss and the spiraling out of control. whats crazy is i have been experiencing those feeling for 20+ years and until i stopped these past 7 days did not really know it was happening. I guess i just thought it was normal.

ok another breathe

i thought everything was normal now i know for my whole life i was not who i thought i was!?! That is a big WTF. God i have to not go back down that road. I want to be that person i was those 7 days for as long as i can. I know i can do it but i guess i will have to have some release system or something cause as most people on here talk about the withdraw symptoms can be crazy.

ok i have rambled a good bit like i feared.

here is hoping i can start at least another 7 days tomorrow.
thanks for the support and kind words i know i will be post on here a good bit. as i said i have not talked about this before and it seems just talking is at least helping the crash after todays set back.

i know some of the stuff i wrote is disjointed please feel free to ask me to clarify things (that should help me sort my on mind out as well cause its a good jumbled mess for now Wink

on the 7th day

i remember many years ago when i went to a Vipasanna 10 day meditation course. and unfortunately on the 7th day i literally had to knock one out in the showers.i was driven mad by all those sensations and lust full thoughts etc.

anyway thats a humorous by-thought but i just wanted to acknowledge the struggle in trying to get some clarity & control of the situation. so well done in your endeavors.
i am very new to this site but what perhaps did seem to be a gem was the neurological information that says how when we perceive a practice (such a masturbation to orgasm) as risky or naughty or guilty ridden then the neutral but emotional limbic brain will attach a 'lets do it more' response to the activity (all be it felt as a failure by the rational side of the brain).

so just let go of giving the 'failure' to much concern & energy and move on. you are not in denial at all, but in the knowledge that too much negative reaction in fact gives fuel to the unwanted drive to repeat the orgasm inducing action again.

you are doing what you can, just keep going

monk-ki

Insight

Great insight! (Get it? Insight? Vipassana? LOL.) But seriously... I think that's a great point that if you think in terms of "failure," you're giving the thing a forbidden quality that only makes it easier to "fail" again.

Ever read Ikkyu? He was a Zen monk who had what you describe in a big way. I think he called it the red thread between his legs, stretching tauter and tauter as the days of meditation went on. Oooh man, that imagery sure does paint an accurate picture. Luckily, I never dealt with horniness in the retreats I've been to. Just sleepiness (wanting to jump in bed for another reason. LOL.). Welcome, Monk-ki. I hope to get into some cool discussions with ya.

how to keep it all in safely ?

thanks for the lead. i read a few things about this Ikkyu but not much to do with staying calm in a storm.
maybe there is much on this website and i am being disorganized & lazy with my question : but what can one to to stop the uncontrollable feelings of lust after not having a wank for several days. after a while i fancy nearly any woman and have all sorts of fantasies of faithful & eternal companionship - only for all contradictory feelings go down the the pan (literally) with my wasted sperm.
i am presently solo (too often have i been with a woman only to come & go (again literally !) and also tying to deal with porn addiction) so i would rather try and deal with this on my own for now.
any ideas tantra or marnia ?

Sorry, but I'm taken

LOL

Redbeard listed the ones I know of in his post: http://www.reuniting.info/node/2134#comment-7963.

I also think it's worth experimenting with the solo practices from various traditions.
http://www.reuniting.info/science/porn_addiction_withdrawal_symptoms_sol...

You might also want to track your feelings using a chart. It can be enlightening. "Mars" (http://www.reuniting.info/user/284) made one and "Amari" (http://www.reuniting.info/user/2424) made another. And I can't find either right now, so feel free to ask either one by PM if you're interested.

And it's fine to ask anything here. It's not always easy to find things in this junk pile of a site.:-) We're working on a reorganized version...slowly. It is my hope that there will one day be an obvious link for "What to do when you're solo"

All that being said...there's just a certain amount of "white-knuckling" it until the worst is behind you. Feel free to keep blogging. You'll get plenty of sympathy here!

Lust

For me, though I did the bonding behaviors and the energywork, I don't think they helped all that much. I see those things as important, very important, in the long term, but for the short term withdrawal period, all you can really do is just white knuckle it. What helped me the most was to know the neuroscience, that after two weeks or so (more in the case of porn addiction), the intense cravings will stop. I read a lot of accounts on this site of this, so I took it on faith. That helped because before, I thought that giving up orgasm meant a lifetime of cravings. I was skeptical that they would go away, but when I got out of the withdrawal phase, they did. It was like a little miracle. (It took a little longer than 2 weeks for me the first time, I think because I masturbated and got too close to orgasm a few times. Two weeks ago, I had a dream orgasm and went back into withdrawals, but I did no masturbation. This time, the withdrawal phase seemed to end yesterday, which was day 13.)

Other things that help is being around other people. It takes your mind of your cravings and takes away the opportunity. If you're alone, you can just whip it out and jerk it. That's a temptation that's not there around other people (usually Wink ). Avoid boredom. That's a trigger. If you're engrossed in something, even if alone, the cravings take a backseat. Cold water helps. I pour some on in a slow drizzle, but a cool water shower (not ice cold and shocking, cuz then you might not do it as much but just cool and refreshing) if it gets really bad. Part of my ordinary routine anyway is to take a hot bath followed by a cold shower. It's just a healthy thing to do, but also helps with the sex craving. The hot bath relaxes me, which helps cuz lust brings tension into my body, tension I want to release. Oh, speaking of that, find other ways to release that tension besides masturbation, like yoga, exercise, walking outdoors, deep breathing, meditation, etc. Likewise, it'd be good to avoid tension building activities like working on the computer. Finally, I think a good attitude helps. Will power comes easier if you love yourself and are on your own side, but if you have inner anger, you might have a self-destructive side that beats up on yourself and says, "To hell with all this good stuff, I'm going to just satisfy this craving now and damn the consequences." Oh, and avoid looking at sexual cues. No meat market bars or night clubs, for example, and if a sex scene comes on in a movie or a commercial uses sex appeal, look away. If you start thinking sexual thoughts, talk yourself down. Something like, "Ok, self, why am I going there? I know where that leads. It feels like my lust will build up until I explode, but I know better. It actually will go away if I only wait a few more days, but if I cave now, it will be another two weeks of this 'hell.'"... and so on until the limbic brain's Id impulse gets overruled by the forebrain's reasoning power. Oh, another thing. Sometimes the idea of giving something up forever is overwhelming and leads to relapse. If that's happening, set a time limit. I think 3 weeks is good, cuz then you might have up to a week after the withdrawal phase to check out what that's like before going back to having orgasms and seeing what THAT is like. It'll probably be a big difference, which will help for next time.

continence, masturbation, lust, male cystitis

hey mr Tantra
thanks for your reply. there are loads and loads of useful tips. for me information is the best encouragement i can get. or a good old talking to.. so thanks. the subtle observations are gems too.
thanks to marnia for some specific points to consider following up on to.

i suppose up to this point i haven't perhaps given a fuller picture of my background.
another problem (fuck i go on, perhaps i really should blog this) which i address to anyone out there (are you listening tantra & marnia, don't give up on me lol) is the problem of cystitis. just to be brief i had a check up years ago and the doctors found no urinary tract disease or chylamidea. for years. i noticed that i only got cystitis after dating a woman. so this actually happened way before any sex took place or was even on the cards. in fact it happened whenever there was any chemistry (or even less). accompanying the cystitis were aching groin & balls and often a low back & pelvic ache. so i assume my kidneys & bladder were in pain too. it took me years to see the pattern. when ever i was on a date or feeling horny towards someone these symptoms would kick in within the hour. sometimes much sooner, sometimes much later. no doctor or psycho therapist has ever been able to help me with this one.
the pains would only go away when i eventually slept with a woman a few times. sleeping meaning perhaps fondling but not making love. maybe it was a trust or getting used to thing. so i suppose the only blessing was was that i found it quite hard to sleep with random women. although that didn't stop me trying. and was eventually forced to be honest and trusting with who ever i ended up with.

however i have also noticed and re-remembered that i get similar pains when i try & with hold from masturbating. after about the 4th day i start getting achy balls and a sting when i urinate that also makes me want to urinate more, even though there is nothing left to pee out. last time i held out (maybe 10 days/2 weeks) the pains didn't subside.
i am out of my depth, no doctor, urologist or therapist has been able to help. does anyone have any suggestions or experiences that can help. i live with it but it kind of puts me down.

on top of this i am trying to kick internet porn, i dont particularly orgasm (or feel anything 'nice') when i ejaculate (solo or with a partner - currently single, quelle surprize) + i had parents who were quite reticent about sex education.
i wasn't abused either (as far as i know and can see) which would seem to at least have provided some answers.
oh how i wish i was abused ..!!!!!!!

anyway, i am more interested in solutions or any other peoples experiences out there - more hungry for info than seeking consolation & talking (done enough of that in the past).
has anyone (esp male) ever had such a condition. i can at least trace the symptoms to extreme horniness (i'm still working out wether there is any accompanying emotions of fear, reluctance, anger etc). and maybe some of the great tips will help.

so anyway thanks for space, much appreciated

monk-ki

Hmmm...

This probably isn't useful, but I suffered from urinary tract infection, or cystitis, almost from the beginning when I started making love. That didn't stop me, though! I loved sex.;-) Eventually I had to take antibiotics every time I made love to prevent the problem from occurring. None of the milder cures worked (cranberry juice, sulfa drugs).

Mysteriously, when I began making love without the goal of orgasm, this problem went away, and hasn't come back. So I wonder if the cure for you will ultimately be having a mate and a careful approach to lovemaking. Sometimes our bodies scream for our attention in their own ways.

This doesn't help you much in the meantime, however. I wish I had an answer. In my case, I was almost grateful for the problems because their absence when I began experimenting meant I was learning something really worthwhile. Even though I didn't realize that the problem had gone for some time, when I did, it was a big "a-ha!"

cystitis

I don't have any experience with cystitis or anything like you describe. I think what Marnia says is great news for you though! Try it and see what happens. It might also be a wake up call in another way, which is just general health. I'm big on natural healing now because conventional medicine failed me in a big way for my CFS. In modern society, people have come to believe that they're healthy when they really aren't, and then use medical drugs to stave off the symptoms until they get all the "normal" illnesses of older age. Put that way, this strategy is obviously not ideal. We should do what we can to be as healthy as we can be all our lives, and luckily, the old-time healers know how to do that. (See my other posts for more info on what I know about natural healing.)

Another thought: You get the symptoms when horny, right? They go away upon orgasm, and they're not present when not horny. From an internal energy perspective, maybe this fact, combined with your anorgasmia, indicate a redirection of internal energy. Instead of going to orgasmic pleasure, your energy is going elsewhere, causing the symptoms. If you don't have a local Taoist wiseman or quality acupuncturist (it's easy to get certified... you want someone better than that), I'd try doing some of the energy redirection exercises, which Marnia has already recommended, like the Fire Breath or Shaktichalana Mudra. Circulating energy up the spine and down the front in the Microcosmic Orbit seems to be common to energy traditions all over the world, so I take that to mean it's a powerful, tried and true method, and since it's a circular orbit, I believe it's a safe practice to do on your own as a beginner.

Feel free to ramble on,

and rest assured that your thoughts will always be comforting to some fellow travelers...both the highs and the lows.

It's exciting to me that you can see the larger implications of your choices. Having watched my dear husband "come back to life" after years of frequent masturbation (he stopped when we got together and tried karezza), I often sense the enormous potential in these ideas. We're surrounded by a lot of sleeping Supermen and Superwomen!

So it's great that you're waking up. Trust the process. Everything you are learning is useful. Believe me, I didn't learn this material in one easy reading either. Wink Even without porn, I managed to crash into the same brick wall over and over...even when I was no longer making orgasm the goal.

Everyone's nervous system is slightly different and returns to equilibrium in slightly different ways. "Failures" can be very instructive. For example, notice how after the first orgasm, you easily slipped into a second one. That is typical. Willpower tends to fade rapidly after an orgasm - making it VERY hard to climb back on the wagon. I guess its biology's way of making sure we fertilize any partner to the max! But it happens because the low feelings are uncomfortable and you just want to feel good again. Logical...but self-defeating, as it turns out.

Also, keep in mind that even though you felt like Superman, you will probably not be able to sustain that feeling indefinitely without a partner. However, it's a lot easier to find a partner when you're feeling good.:-)

Anyhow, a big hug for you. Share your tips as you learn how to stay in the saddle. This is a tough addiction. Be gentle with yourself.

Spontaneous

Why can't you just be normal and have a dream orgasm like the rest of us? LOL. Just kidding. But seriously, I do wonder why it happened for you like this, not that I expect you'd have an answer? I hope you try the solo practices and let us know how they go for you. I've been doing them but it didn't stop my recent dream orgasms. I'm doing more of them now as well as bonding behaviors, so we'll see.

10 minute orgasm

Pretty amazing. I've never read of such a thing before, and believe me, I've read a LOT.

Hey, if it happens again, why put an end to the fun? Maybe keep your hands off, and see how long it continues? Smile

Hey, that's really similar

Hey, that's really similar to what I was thinking. Like, would that 10 min orgasm have turned into an hour long orgasm? or a day long orgasm? Or maybe he would have just blissed out for the rest of his life :)

I'm joking a little bit here, but I'm also kind of serious. It gets to the heart of something that i'm learning in my own experiments, in that I'm starting to understand that I don't necessarily need to DO anything about a sexual feeling. Like, while I don't need to encourage sexual feelings by stimulating myself any further, I also don't need to smash them down and repress them either. So far I'm having better luck (and a lot more fun) just experiencing and accepting them for what they are.

Funny Phrase

A friend of mine always used to call it the DSB which is short for the Dreaded Semen Buildup. It always used to make me smile cause it kind of describes the way the body wants to seek its pleasure in the pathway it has used so often. It takes a while to find a new pathway. Just keep following the new one and the old one will grow over.

too many good posts..

..(I couldn't read them all)

My 2 cents is, if the body for some reason really needed to get that out of you (it was probably overproducing simply based on your previous habits) then let it, you're not back to sqaure one!
I think your body is fully aware that that shipment was a complete waste and will adjust itself, however if you had pumped this load up yourself it would have thought you're back in business let's start up the machines.

One worry we all have is what if my balls gets overloaded and potentially do harm, but now you can safely know that when that happens for you, your body has a natural way of handling it (altho I never heard of this particular case, I though most of us just wake up like that).

So keep counting, day 8 etc...