It has new been over 5 weeks since I last had an orgasm and ejaculated. I thought I would share some of my experiences and thoughts.
For a long time I have been someone who regularly masturbated. This was to an extent that a lot of my free time was taken up by it. It was also probably affecting my work and almost certainly my relationship. As I'm sure has been pointed out on this site – if you masturbate and feel sexually satiated you are going to feel less desire for your partner.
Unfortunately I have been guilty of being blind to that obvious fact for a long time. Adopting the common view (rather unthinkingly) that masturbation was harmless and probably beneficial.
I came across a Tantric site a few weeks ago and after reading it decided to give abstinence (sexual continence) a try. Earlier in my life I thought such a thing was impossible – that the sexual frustration would build up to such an extent that you just had to release semen through masturbation. Perhaps when I was in my 20's I might not have been able to do this I don't know. I did abstain a few times (because it is a nice feeling) when I was younger but never thought it could be on a long term basis. Also when younger I used to have sex without orgasm and learned it was just as satisfying and an orgasm wasn't necessary. Then I seemed to forget this and got into a pattern of aiming to ejaculate.
A few insights, however, have made it easier for me to abstain and understand that it is completely possible to abstain from ejaculating. The most powerful influence on my ease of abstaining was the realisation that semen did not need to be released. That if semen is not released it is reabsorbed and new semen is manufactured. After a few weeks I expect a happy equilibrium is reached between production and reabsorbtion. I simply hadn't understood this before.
A further realisation was that animals do not seem to ejaculate with the same frequency as humans and they do not seem to be immensely sexually frustrated most of the time. Also when animals do masturbate quite a lot do not do it to the point of ejaculation. Perhaps the more natural state is not to ejaculate for long periods of time.
The first two weeks were interesting and I was irritable on one occasion but otherwise fine. Initially I was constantly thinking about having an orgasm. This was a problem because I felt I had replaced one time-consuming obsession (excessive masturbation) with another (sexual frustration).
The next week and a half were remarkably easy, so easy that I began to wonder whether there was something wrong with me. I was busy and perhaps a little low because of some work related issues. But on the whole it was easy to do.
The last week has been a little more difficult. I'm feeling more sexually frustrated but not too bad.
During these weeks I have masturbated but never to ejaculation/orgasm. I found this pleasant and easy to control. Because the point of the masturbation is never to ejaculate/orgasm there is no goal to aim for and after a much shorter time I feel happy to have had some stimulation and not to have ejaculated.
Here are the positive benefits I've experienced so far.
Firstly I've had a better physical relationship with my partner. Sex was slower and because there was no aim to orgasm for myself it felt less pressured. It was for the most part a little too arousing and close to the edge. But it was fun and exciting.
I am very attracted to women. Whether this is a positive benefit or 'too much' I'm not sure. One thing I like very much is feeling whole and no longer feeling as though I had two personalities: one passionate and attracted to women and one satiated, sleepy, uninterested, and a little blue. Now I feel like a single person – focussed and always attracted to women.
Other effects include frequent erections. Pre-cum is also very frequent but I think to be expected.
Other benefits include much less time spent masturbating.
I've also lost weight but that might be due to extra exercise as spring approaches. I feel I've worked more effectively and been more focussed. My concentration seems to be better more directed.
Some negative effects have included a slightly more frequent headache. I've also been waking more frequently in the night, probably due to erections or sex dreams. Luckily I've been going to bed earlier so I don't think I've been more tired.
Overall the effecst have been very positive. I have a family already and I don't see any reason to ejaculate again. Perhaps I'm being rather naïve and idealistic but I feel (and hope) quite strongly that ejaculation is a 'never again' for me. Simply because I feel better in myself, my relationship and my work when I abstain.