Hello Hopeful Saviors,
I"m writing this to you in a moment of relative personal crisis. I've been married almost 2 years (Our 2 year anniversary is on the 13th of April.) and with the same woman for 4. We've recently finished a 1 year trip in Latin America and after soooo much time together we decided to take a month off to breathe and identify ourselves. We're now working on different farms in New Mexico. As soon as she arrived at her farm, she met another man. Had a deep connection she said. My wife said that it wasn't physical, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
My great friend passed this site along to me the day after my wife told me she needed a break, needed to be separate, an individual. That hurt, but I do understand. I believe a healthy relationship is comprised of 2 healthy individuals and if she feels she needs to grow alone, then she has my full support. Normally, I'd trust that our marriage would survive, but after doing some reading, it's more difficult now because I know that we're not at our best. Biology is so strong! After spending a couple of days here, learning so much about my own dopamine reward cycle, it's obvious that our relationship is a text-book example of what this site is all about, and has suffered from the constant presence of this low-level tension.
I've passed on this site to her and I know that she's read some of it, and agrees with what she has read. She says it's exactly what's been missing from our marriage. Still, she's determined to be an individual, so determined that she's considering going to see the other man. I really feel that if that happens it will be the end of our relationship. I really believe that she's being pushed by her own biology to make this decision. She does love me, she does respect our marriage, of this I am certain, but there are other powerful factors afoot. Right now, I think she believes that she cannot grow with me anymore (even though she's grown so much!) and can only grow with someone new.
Next week, we're going to have a small window to see each other, a couple of hours, an afternoon, I'm not sure. I don't really know what to do, how I could help her to see that she could just be manipulating herself, how we could have the answer in our hands right here, at the last moment. I'd really just like to try Karezza for a month, just to know if it could help us, but right now it's not an option. I do plan on turning on the romance, a picnic lunch, flowers and a light-hearted attitude, but I think it's not enough. What else is there?